Love + Relationships

Here's a scenario that I've found myself in while browsing through men's dating profiles online. I find a guy who seems interesting (and not like prime stalker-boyfriend material) and who might be my 'type', but I have no clue what to say to him in that initial message. I've passed on sending messages just because I couldn't come up with good icebreakers, not because the guys' profiles were lacking substance.

Everyone knows the power of music right ? If you don’t know that , well , you’re about to find out just how powerful music really is . I used to hear stories of songs that completely resonated with someone’s life but never in a million years did I think I would be one of those people . I can remember it like it was yesterday, I was on a plane coming from Los Angeles heading back to Houston, I decided it was time to get my music started . I said “I wish I didn’t have to go back home , I want to live in California and my ex said to me “have fun with that , I just wish they hush up already so I can get this trip over with.” Rolling my eyes , I pressed play, “What is this playing ?” I think to myself , because my music is always on shuffle , plus I had just downloaded that song. The song turns out to be “Ocean” by Khalid. My first thought was to turn it off because I wasn’t in the mood for that song but I decided to listen anyway , so glad I did . In the song , Khalid says how strong his love is for the woman and that an ocean can be put between the two of them and yet even then they’ll never part . I thought the words were beautiful so I put it on repeat , beautiful song I thinking no harm no foul; I fell asleep listening to the song . At the time , I had a boyfriend who unfortunately for him the lyrics didn’t match up to , I cared for him but my heart was being pulled toward a song , a song that didn’t even involve him no less. We broke up a month after the trip and a few months further down the line I get back in touch with a guy friend of mine who we never really got it right , he was one of the guys where he comes and goes every blue moon ; it went on for about 10 years. At the time Facebook was having a game everybody played where we ask anonymous questions . I saw his Facebook page pop up in the drop down selection of people to ask . Why did I see him , haven’t talked to him in a while but I sent him the anonymous message anyway . The message read : “ Are you single ?” He replied to it , omg ! His reply , “ yes , lol I’m single and wow these old messages !” We had sent messages over the years , we talked on Facebook for a couple of days and I thought it wouldn’t go anywhere like usual because this always happened but this time he sends me a message on Facebook and ask me to text me , still no big deal right , he always disappear later . Why would this time be any different ? He never left , we wrote each other everyday, morning evening and night . He became my best friend . Then he says , I’m going to be moving to California soon , I’m starting my own Buisness , my face drops . Well , there it is , I knew it was too good to be true is what I was thinking . He ask me ,will you visit , I lie and say yes knowing I didn’t even see a way there . Time passes and I start getting into trouble at work so I decide to take a few days off because of all the anxiety my job was causing . I tell him of my day and he says “ you’re always stressed just come be with me .” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing , my heart said yes , but I told him we had a lot of planning to do . The apartment I was in wasn’t going to well anyways, my ex left me with the bill myself so instead of signing a new lease I left for California , tried my best to transfer in my job but my boss wasn’t having it . I had worked for them for 7 years with no benefits , it was time to go . The drive from Houston Texas to Cresecent City California was almost 3,000 miles . I monique Curtis who has never drove to another city alone took in the open road to California a trip that would take 1 day and 10 hours, took that trip by myself . There was in fact an Ocean between us and neither of us were going to let it stop us . The day I got to him was the happiest day of my life. Why on earth did it take 10 years , 3,000 miles, 1 song and a Facebook message ? I’ll never know but the hug he gave me after I got of the car was the best hug I’ve ever had in my life , it was like a ”finally” hug . We are still together happy as ever and I’m so thankful to that song , it was like I breathed him into life with that song . Our first visit together is that picture above I took at Jedediah Smith Redwoods State Park . After all was said and done , I played the song for him and he loved it , now we have a little laugh whenever that song comes on because I’m so many ways it brought us together .

Have you ever fallen so deep for someone that you'd give your all to them? Then there are always those who don't reciprocate the same energy that you give. I was so in love with someone that I didn't see all of the signs that they were as toxic as black mold. They would say sorry every time they hurt me and think that was enough to keep me around. I hated love so much because the one that I loved was killing me instead of making me grow. I would go all out so that he would see how I felt and it was always a dead attempt for a dead lover. Eventually I began to change and the changes were not positive. I begin to retreat more to myself. I noticed that I was being mean to my friends. I would yell more when I used to be quiet, and lash out when I didn't mean it all because my heart was broken. I didn't see that I had become bitter and broken, and it was rubbing off on my kids and that's something I never wanted. When I heard figures, it made me realize that what he was doing was ultimately killing me. Making me lose friendships that I never wanted to lose. I begin to play this and slowly gain my confidence back. I begin to slowly get back to the regular me. The me, that was killed as a flower dries in the sun. I slowly started getting back the friendships to the bridges that I burned. I let go of the guy who didn't love me, and that seemed to be one of the hardest things I've ever done but it was very needed. I asked forgiveness of the ones who I hurt, and I asked my little ones to forgive me for not being a good example to them. It's crazy how one song can completely open your eyes. If it wasn't for this song I will still be stuck in a dead relationship that was poisoning my heart. I completely started over with myself and taught myself how to guard not only my heart, but to guard my peace. I allowed him to disrupt my peace for so long that I forgot what peace even felt like, and childddddd did it feel good. My hair started growing back, my health got better, opportunities started pouring like floods to a river. This goes to say that music is very important. When an artist writes a song that comes from their heart, people who have experienced similar pain can actually get help and find relief from what they are going through. I myself write music in my spare time and will be releasing it on YouTube to help people who have gone through things that I have gone through. I am a single mom who has survived homelessness, domestic violence, my ex breaking in and setting my home on fire, my finding out I have an autoimmune disease and losing my car. I have survived so much, and if Jessie Reyez's song can completely change me for the good, that's what I want to do for others. Its too many cases with people, especially the younger generation, commiting suicide and ending others lives. If I can make a difference, even if it's to save one life, I want to do it. Figures have been a big inspiration. The impact from that song has helped me gain my strength so that I can be a better mother as well as a better person. I encourage anyone who feels stuck in a toxic relationship to listen to that song.

Gossiping among all forms of women, everyone hears the same complaint. "My husband doesn't do what I like," or "My wife insists we do something to spice up the bedroom," and the beat goes on. Men and women complain that they don't do enough to liven up the bedroom.

I had been invited to a party at a friend of a friend’s house. The homeowner was a petite blonde with naturally large boobs. I had fancied her for a while, but she was out of my league. She hung out with all the beautiful people. Myself, well I’m a ginger bombshell, well bombsite more like. I had a fuller figure, some people might even call it fat, but as I was tall, it didn’t look that bad. Anyway, back to the party. I was wearing a cat suit, a nice flowy material to hide the bits I was ashamed of. I had my hair up in a deliberately messy bun. My mum had said I looked nice, but I felt uncomfortable. The house was huge. So many doorways leading off to who know where. The DJ in the corner of the main room was playing some bangers and there were lots of people dancing. The kitchen as always, was a hub of activity. There were people laughing, drinking, playing games and generally the kind of atmosphere you expected at a house party. I had lost my friends shortly after arriving and was on the search for them. The place was so crowded, it was feasible that as I entered one room, they were leaving it and I would never know.

We live in a world where everything is about speeding things up and that includes love and relationships. Finding someone special can be at a touch of a button, just like ordering your take away for the evening.