Once upon a time, there was a baby-faced man named Doofus Dumdum. He was the darling of his wealthy parents' eyes, and they sent him to a great school, EatOne. The school was named thus because it cannibalized academia, luring all the brightest teachers and paying them well to ensure that all the Dumdum boys and their friends got their degrees, even if they knew not one blessed thing when they graduated.
Let me start by saying I am not an American. I am a British woman. So I don't know a great deal about your politics, but I know a really bad President when I see one. "Snowflake!" I hear you cry, but let me stop you there. Okay? Thanks.
Lexicography is a wonderful thing.
The study of words and language, the strange and fascinating ways in which these words came to be, and how they have linguistically evolved over time, is a subject ripe for intellectual curiosity.
It's important for the world of filmmaking to marry with the world of politics. Why? Because it gives a completely different platform to the ideals that are so often spoken about, solely by politicians or news media. This way, consumers can receive the topics that are so relevant to everyone's lives in a new form.
As the Brown family watched the evening news, they decided that the snooty news presenter seemed far too condescending...
"Mr. P Bear of 32 Windsor Gardens, London has been taken into custody today amidst Marmalade Trafficking allegations. His adoptive parents, Mr. and Mrs. Brown fear their furry child may be extradited... Foreign Affairs Minister Boris Buttwaffle was unavailable for comment but issued a statement denying any Government knowledg about the Sandwich Incidents at the popular gap year destination, Macchu Piccu..."
By MARA VERHEYDEN-HILLIARD, Alternate Reality News Service Disasters Writer
A month after Orville (the tropical storm that had mutated into a Hurricane — and not in a superhero kind of way, either — not the TV series or popcorn tycoon Redenbacher) landed, 93% of Puerto Rico has no clean water, 77% has no electricity and 81% have no idea where their towel is. Which leads to the non-musical (because why should musical questions be the only ones that are recognized for their aural qualities?) Question: what the ferk is Puerto Rico?
by FREDERICA VON McTOAST-HYPHEN, Alternate Reality News Service People Writer
There has been a lot of speculation of late (sorry — traffic was a bitch) over whether President Ronald McDruhitmumpf reads. You would think, given the myriad (more than a quisling, less than a Riesling) problems with the McDruhitmumpf administration, journalists would have more important matters on which to speculate on (take that grammar purists!). Maybe they watched one too many Reading is *F*A*B* after-school specials when they were young, and the idea of illiteracy haunts their every in-between waking and sleeping moment (like Freddy Kruegerrandover, only without his snappy fashion sense).
by ALEXANDER BIGGS-TUFTS-MANN, Alternate Reality News Service Sports Writer
When one white police officer kills an unarmed black man, it can be an isolated incident. When three white police officers kill unarmed black men, it can be an unfortunate series of events. When over a dozen white police officers kill unarmed black men, it can start to look like a system. What can anybody do about a system?