You Looked!!!

STOP blaming the female for a male's lack of self-control!! I cannot express this enough! STOP!! What comes to mind here is Victim Shaming at it's absolute finest. A girl is sexually assaulted, abused, raped and when she is strong enough to come forward rather than being sympathetic to her or helping her find a way to seek justice, a commonly asked question is, "Well, what was she wearing?" Why the hell should that even matter!? No matter what she was wearing it does not mean it's a free pass for a man to touch her in any way, shape or form.

Yes, I know men/boys can be victims of sexual assault, rape, abuse as well. I also know that males are way less likely to report it as well and I have always told my boys if anyone ever touches you in any way that makes you feel uncomfortable or inappropriately to let me know, NO MATTER WHAT the abuser says will happen if you tell, And my daughter will absolutely be taught the same as she gets older. But boys are not blamed for the way they dressed and sadly girls are. And as a mother of a girl I don't want her to grow up thinking any of that is okay.

I recently watched a documentary that got me thinking about this more so than usual, "Sins of The Amish" , in which girls are actually coached from such a young age, I'm talking infant/toddler age, which is absolutely disturbing and disgusting, that if a male is attracted to her, it is her fault and he cannot control his actions. Some of these girls remember abuse as young as 3 years old. And some remember seeing their sisters abused as young as 6 months old. Excuse my language but WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!? This just screams out, "I'm sorry I was born with a vagina so you see me as a sexual object." Anger! So much anger for these girls! And in most cases their own mothers look the other way, yes, they are absolutely at fault for the abuse as well. They are given booklets when they are of reading age in which it tells everything that may make a man or boy not be able to control his hormones. Not just boys but grown men! These girls are being abused by their brothers, dads, uncles, school boys, the Bishop of the FREAKING church. Some of the things I remember from this is that if some of her skin is showing and a male sees he may react to it, if her blouse is unbuttoned and he notices he may not be able to control himself, they should sleep with their bedroom doors locked because if any males in the household see her sleeping in any revealing permission he may be sexual attracted to her and can act on it without her consent. Can you imagine being told that you have to lock your door in the bedroom of your own home because basically any male around may want to have sex with you? Willing....or in almost all cases here...not. They literally are teaching the girls that this behavior is okay and they are teaching the males that they can sexually assault, molest, rape, abuse any girl of any age that they please and as long as they confess their sins they are forgiven. Every. Single. Time. Imagine living a life like that, especially as a female. Both Sickening and saddening. It infuriates me!

But, no, this doesn't just happen in "Off The Grid" communities such as the Amish and FLDS (think Warren Jeffs here) but it happens all the damn time, everywhere, everyday. Imagine being blamed because you were wearing shorts and a tank top because the weather was 100+ degrees, or you were blamed because you have a shapely body and wore a long sweater that just happen to emphasize your curves, you leaned over and your cleavage just happened to show, you stood up and your pants happened to fall down a little bit exposing your underwear. And some male thinks that it's his right to touch you, that you are somehow a tease or instigator of the situation and he is somehow a victim because why? As a female, you decided to put on clothes that you were comfortable in and that made you feel good about yourself. Some perverse, undisciplined man or boy cannot control himself and that is somehow the girls problem? Absolutely not. Teach men and boys better!

Let me tell you something about female bodies or any bodies for that matter. We can wear the same sizes but these same sizes will fit each of our individual bodies differently or we can buy the exact same of an article of clothing and it does not fit our bodies exactly the same as someone else. For example, my friend and I can have an identical tank top. She can put it on and be basically covered revealing nothing except for her arms and neck however if I put this same tank top on, being larger chested, my cleavage is likely going to show and it's not because I am trying to wear something provocative or "show off skin", its because that's how my body is built and it's freaking hot outside and I am sure as hell not going to be wearing a God Damn turtle neck. Shorts are another great example of how body types fit things differently. Let's say my friend and I wear the exact same size in shorts. Well, my body type is different so my butt sticks out just a little bit more than hers, it's not for attention. I did not plan for this to get some perverted males attention, it's just genetics. So, we'll say we wear the same pair of shorts, same size; she puts them on and they are just about an inch short of her finger tips at her sides yet mine are about 3 inches short of my fingertips, which means what? More of my skin is revealed.

Do not blame the girl/woman for what she was wearing because you as a man are a pervert with no self-control or respect for the female body. No matter what she chooses to wear, loose clothes, tight clothes, short shorts, tight dress, crop-tops, a bikini , a very fitted 1 piece bathing suit, a push-up bra, no bra or sweats and a freaking hoodie; it is HER body and she has every right to do so and as a male that should be understood. She is not here to be your eye candy or fulfill your sexual desires. I see men walking around in tank tops and shirtless all the time especially here in the summer , does that mean that women or even other men should have the right to sexually assault them? No! Absolutely not. But that's what people assume out of women and girls showing skin. It's definitely double-standard hypocrisAnd before you continue to blame the victim for what they were wearing in any situation of sexual abuse, I encourage you to read

And before you continue to blame the victim for what they were wearing in any situation of sexual abuse, I encourage you to read

https://dovecenter.org/what-were-you-wearing-exhibit/

Because realistically , "What was she wearing?" is just a question used as an excuse for male perversion and a way to try to put the female at fault for his actions.

So again teach your children better, your boys that that's not okay and your girls that it's not okay to be objectified in any way. Also as a boy/man learn some self-control.

Like I said, "You Looked....And that's NOT my problem."