Working With Children In Therapy

Why have I worked so little time with children in my work as a counselor/therapist. So little time on purpose. I worked as a family therapist for just one and one half years. As a family counselor I worked with children for many more years.

There is so much honesty when working with children. Early on in a family therapy session, the children will tell you or draw you exactly what is going on in the family. They will tell you the story as they see it. They will draw who is most important and least important in the family.

They will blame themselves for things that happen in the family. They think problems are their fault. They are to blame. When working with kids in group homes and crisis shelters, they tell some sad tales of how they grew up and what happened to them, if you are listening.

It can be tough to listen. I worked with kids in anger management groups. How can kids have so much anger at such a young age I wondered. One young girl in working with clay and making clay figures of her family, first left off her sisters.

When I asked her about her sisters, she put them in the family and then the next time I looked, she had cut their heads off. She then made their dog. I could hear her pounding on the table when she finished and when I looked she was pounding her dog flat. When I asked about her dog, she said he died.

In the same group, a young boy made three guns to represent his family. He had a mother and brother. He was small for his age and was being recruited into a gang. He didn't think he had a choice.

Another boy in the group brought his own markers to sniff, when I wasn't looking when we were using my markers. I did not notice and may not have noticed. One of the other kids told on him. He wasn't happy about that, but it happened. I reframed it as trying to be helpful, rather than snitching.

I worked with the kids in anger management on trauma, grief and loss. There was so much. I believe many people get stuck in the grief process. If we are stuck in anger and drink for example, it means you get into fights when you drink.

If we are stuck in depression, you may have crying jags or become suicidal when drinking. The kids I worked with were already drinking, whenever they could. I would like to say that when they left my group, they were all fixed.

They were not. They had a start, and they had some tools that they didn't have prior to working in that group. I would believe that these kids may have had a better chance than others that don't come to the attention of people who can help.

Then again, sometimes they are just punished and that is just not as helpful. I worked in a family program once where children were taken from their parents. I could not do that work as I would cry every day. Some people can do the work and others cannot.

I decided years ago that I am one that cannot do the work. Sometimes it is helpful to cry with someone. Or at least if they feel safe to cry with you. A young woman with multiple personalities told me once that she was glad that she could cry with me.

As a counselor/therapist it is a no-no to cry with someone. Therefore, I decided that I cannot do the work!