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Why I Took Adderall for My ADHD

...And why I stopped.

By Samuel MartinPublished 7 years ago 7 min read
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Me at age 10 and then 8 years later

I was homeless at 18, meaning I was still quite interested in drugs, due to my age and situation. Not "hard drugs" like opiates and narcotics, rather legal (controlled) prescription medications. I had smoked marijuana at the age of 15 during my sophomore year of high school. That being a young age for a boy living in a wealthy household. Of course I can only assume.

To get to the point, I grew up on drugs during most of my high school career. Mollies, edibles, Ketamine (once and never again), you name it. I was down for all that. As long as it wasn't addictive according to my state of mind. My girlfriends and friends would never know, only those who were on Skype and Discord would receive this knowledge of me.

June 2017, I have since graduated. I have, at this point, stopped partying and having fun with thyself. I would now think only to take the medication I was prescribed. That being Celexa, which I must warn you, it's a hardcore anti-depressant, and Abilify, another rather extreme anti-depressant. For some reason I didn't feel a single difference in my mood. Even now, still taking these drugs, I won't truly notice anything until I stop consuming them.

My 4th job, I was looking for any position. I was homeless and begging for any chance to make money. I thought to myself, "I can basically show up drunk and they won't even think to notice." I was so wrong.

I showed up for a "practical interview" and the chef had told me that I was only working for 3 hours, unpaid, but with a free burger. I was like, "Alright, I'm down for that burger." It was most likely the worst 3 hours I've ever worked.

I came back to the shelter I was staying at and was so overworked.

3 days later and some long hard days gone by, one of the other "inmates" at the shelter I invited for an interview at my current work. They needed people and I saw him mop the hell out of the kitchen floor. He never came across as a guy who would have ADHD, OCD, whatever, all he did was talk real fast.

He went to work the next day, and came to me saying that he got the job and he was going to have a practical interview much like mine. I said "great" and continued to wash plates and pans. I was very distracted however, when he pulled something out of his pocket, it looked like something he or a dealer may have wrapped with brown paper towel. Me, being my junkie self, asked him what was up.

Oh, I just grabbed some of my prescription from my bag and wrapped it up. I've got ADHD and I wasn't sure if I could bring Adderall to work.

Immediately I thought to myself "man this could be on hell of a fun time" so I straight up asked him if I could get in on that. He told me, "Sure" and uncapped the pill. To be quite frank, I thought it would have been far more of a hassle to get some. When he handed the quarter inch half tablet, he said to me, "Take the little dot things and pour 'em on your tongue." That's exactly what I did.

What happens to your mind when on the drug is it stimulates your Central Nervous System, your CNS. It's an amphetamine and it really screws your brain up. I thought that it could improve my work ethic and might even give me some euphoric feelings, those of which actually happened.

I stayed up going from CVS to a bar. I didn't care if they said no to me, the drug I had taken caused my confidence to go through the roof. I thought about all the things I could be doing when on Adderall, such as write an article much like this one. I then crashed exactly at 5 am.

The following morning, or I should say 3 hours later, I woke up not feeling so refreshed. I was rather groggy. Of course, I thought, this must just be that I had 3 hours of sleep. I thought nothing of the fact that I had taken an amphetamine the previous night. Getting out of bed was rather a struggle. I didn't have work that day, but I was still washed out and my anxieties for work the following week were rather lingering. I just took my medications and went about with my day.

I went to work the next week and there he was, F, about to take his medication. I asked him for more and of course he gave me half the capsule. We talked all night about things like girls, (which he is very obsessive about) and moving into an apartment together. Not only did we have a plan but it was very reliable. We both closed the restaurant and called it a night. We shook hands very giddy about our housing plan and continued to go to bed. This went on for several days, close to two weeks.

My first paycheck that I had gotten (mind you we were paid biweekly) was around 500 dollars. I spent it on a $170 dollar laptop and immediately began to type my life story... on Adderall. With the rest of the money, I went to the closest thrift store and purchased some clothing. I never bothered to wear them in the dressing room, I knew my size. Trying on the clothes in the shelter bathroom, none of them had fit.

I went down 5 sizes of pants, and checking my weight, I lost 20 pounds.

That seems rather drastic, however that is exactly what happened. I worked 5 days a week lifting 50 pound boxes and several sheet pans. This wasn't just my job's doing, this was certainly the Adderall affecting me. I thought nothing of consequences or side effects of the capsules I've been taking. In fact, going from 220 to 200 pounds was a big deal for me. It was slightly exciting for me to be losing weight but at the same time it was rather frightening. It could've been my late night walks or my eating habits, I still am not truly sure what caused me to lose all this body mass.

I went to my therapist the next day. I was looking healthy, he told me. I thanked him and felt better about myself. We continued our conversation with facts we know about the medications I had taken while I did time in the psych ward. One of them, Risperidone, was also a breast enhancer, causing me to have, well, enhanced breasts. I gained a whole lot of weight during the time I was taking the anti-psychotic. Anyways, I ended the appointment with this question, "Mr. G, what are your thoughts on Adderall?" Quickly he answered, "Not my cup of tea." That was the end of our meeting.

If I had only noticed how poorly this would affect me, I would have certainly stopped like I did with all other drugs that had permanently corrupted my body and mind. I would throw up on the daily, I basically induced myself with acid-reflux because of how much I was doing to my body. The picture I have provided above shows exactly that. There was nothing I could really do to stop taking Adderall, other than to stop taking it myself.

I, however, continued to take the medication for a few more weeks, losing little to no weight. I ate even when I wasn't hungry, just to be sure that I wouldn't lose too much. The other thing I noticed as I was taking the drug was how morbidly depressed I would become. After the euphoric feeling would go away, I would miss it so much. It became a necessity for me.

Finally, I began to notice the difference in me. My mother made a complaint to me saying,

"Sam, you are most certainly not the same person you were before you went into that shelter. I am scared for you, I don't know what's going on, but I am so scared for you."

I loved my Mom to death, I couldn't let this hold onto me anymore. That day I went to work, I refused to take F's Adderall. It was most likely the best thing I could have done at that point. Now mind you that the drug is moderately addictive. I was slightly dependent on it to help me work. My work ethic had quite drastically changed, and not for the better. I'm certain my coworkers noticed my mood changed as well.

After all that, after my transition into better health, I began to notice the differences in my mood and such; Better mental health, my eating had greatly increased, and I started to workout. Many of my problems from stamina at work to eating habits had changed for the better.

Speaking in recreational terms, Adderall is not the drug to take for "fun," rather if it is the only option for a person with ADHD, it must be used cautiously. If anything, it shouldn't even be used at all in my opinion. But then again, I am no medical professional.

The process I had to go through to realize that this prescription drug wasn't for me was not worth it. I hope that many of you notice this as well, and that we can find other alternatives together. Medicine shouldn't be this deceiving to the user, nor should it affect them so negatively. This experience much reminds me of the time I had taken the anti-psychotic Risperidone, used to treat people that suffer from bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. One of the many side effects to this medication is breast enlargement, and lemme tell ya, it sure did enhance my breasts.

In conclusion, don't attempt to read this and think that I condone the use of any type of drug, legal or not. At this point in time, as I write to the reader, I have been clean for 3 months. The longest I have been since I've started harming my body. Do what your heart desires; if you are prescribed this medication by your psychiatrist, think about this article and what it did to me. Don't avoid the struggle I went through.

addiction
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About the Creator

Samuel Martin

Instagram: wussuhdoode

Hey I'm Sam, and I live in Boston, Massachusetts. I write all sorts of stuff ranging from poetry to articles. Feel free to talk to me about anything!

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