Why I Removed My Social Media Apps From My Phone

Earlier this month I put a notification on my Instagram app that activated a pop-reminder when I was on the it for more than 10 minutes. Yes, that feature exists. Well, it didn't work.

I'm bipolar. I have been a sufferer since 2006. I've also been a fervent user of both Facebook and Instagram for years now (Not TickTok). Over the past few months I've noticed that I have been craving more and more recognition from my followers. You see, people with bipolar disorder like me want everyone to like them. I expect them to "like" everything I say and do; everything I post. I have just over 100 followers. Not many by social media standards. I like to keep my circle small.

I usually NEED around 50 of those followers to "like" my posts and about 10 of them to "comment" on them in order for me to feel good about myself. When I don't reach those metrics I immediately post another photo (never selfies) with the hopes of getting more likes.That usually fails, due in part I think by the fact my followers get burned out by them. Even my kid "muted" my posts. She said to me, "Dad, people probably think you have no life." She may be right.

Instead of reading, writing or exercising, activities that I know help my mental health, I choose instead to seek recognition from others.

My wife has always said to me that I remind her of the character from the show Everybody Loves Raymond. The main character in that show seeks approval from everyone. He wants everyone to like him.

I've always been that way, even before my bipolar diagnosis. It's in my DNA I think. I can remember when I was in my teens, I would often get in trouble at school because I tried to be the funny guy, the class clown. I wanted people to think I was funny. I wanted, no I expected everyone to laugh. When they didn't, I would feel let down. That class clown mentality has followed me into adulthood; and it's ruining my mental health.

Yesterday I erased all my social media apps from my iPhone. I needed to disconnect from people's approval. Now instead of posting stupid pictures online, I choose to write, like I am now. I am fortunate to have found Vocal. It has given me an outlet to express myself in a positive way. I'm able to get these racing thoughts out of my head and down on paper; a 6.7 inch screen, because who uses a pen and paper anymore.

I read an article on Flipboard that centered around a study that said people with mental illness who wrote about their feelings and experiences had more of a likelihood to have fewer manic or depressive episodes. I've always been creative. I've written poems, essays and even wrote a screenplay, which I later funded and produced. The film is entitled, POLES : A BIPOLAR STORY. The YouTube link is at the end of this post in case you have 24 free minutes. It's based on my struggles with bipolar disorder.

Writing about my bipolar disorder and directing a professional actor to "be me" really helped me understand myself and shed some personal insight on my battle with BP. I had to show him how to breath when I was manic, how to raise his voice when anger took over, and many more aspects of my personality and behavior.

I have to admit that not being able to check my social media accounts makes me feel more alone and isolated. I don't have many friends, and the two I do have live hundreds of miles away. Not being able to see their posts and know what is going on in their lives sucks. But not knowing is going to make me feel much better.........I hope!

End.

If you want to see a short 24 minute movie I wrote and directed, click on the YouTube link below. Leave me a comment and let me know what you think.

Film is based on my life and is called POLES: A BIPOLAR STORY.

https://youtu.be/9sRJYRyFars