Why A Mood Tracking App Helped My Bipolar Disorder

I used to say that "I have" bipolar disorder. But I realized I DIDN'T HAVE bipolar disorder, it had me. Now I say that I SUFFER from bipolar disorder. And boy do I suffer. If you've read any of my past Vocal posts, you know that mental illness is a big part of my life.

I've done and said some wild things in the 15 years of my battle with BP. I've driven my car into a pole (intentionally), poured boiling water on my arm, burned my knee with a curling iron, and drank bleach in an attempt to end my life. All of these things I did while I was severely depressed or manic.

I've found that two things have helped me process my BP and track the trends associated with my mania and depression.

First, writing stories has helped me process the things rattling around in my head and the feelings and emotions I go thru on a day to day basis. Writing has helped me understand myself and my thoughts. I even ended up writing a screenplay based on the battles I go thru carrying BP on my back. I spent about $10,000 of my personal savings turning that screenplay into a short film I wrote, directed, and produced.

It's called POLES: A BIPOLAR STORY (if you want to see the YouTube film, click here). https://youtu.be/9sRJYRyFars

Something else that has helped me keep my BP under control has been a phone app. While setting up my Vocal account I read a story about a new app called eMoods. It's an app that allows you to log your anxiety, depression, racing thoughts, hours of sleep, and amount of exercise you accomplish in a day. It also reminds you to take your medication in the morning and at bedtime (I take Wellbutrin and Lamictal). In the past, I would go days without taking my meds. Usually it was because I was too lazy or I would simply forget. I didn't know how detrimental that was to my mental health.

The app has allowed me to log all these things and at the end of each month I print out a summary of my emotions, exercise, sleep, and times I may have missed a dosage of my meds. I then review my monthly accomplishments with my psychologist. She helps me analyze these trends, allowing us to see how the lack of sleep or missed dosages or racing thoughts contribute to my mental state.

She's been able to see that during weeks that I exercise and get more than 6 hours of sleep I usually have less racing thoughts and my overall mood is improved. During weeks where I miss dosages of medication and sit on the couch eating potato chips, my anxiety level and depression go into overdrive.

The eMoods app (you can download for free for iOS and Android) has been a lifesaving tool that I constantly use and update religiously. Writing too has been a saving grace. Thinking about, writing, and talking about my struggles with BP has shed new light on what it means to SUFFER from this horrible disease.

So I encourage you to download the app and write down your feelings. You don't have to log or write every day. But if you start doing that maybe 2-3 times a week, I think you too can see the benefit of taking just a few minutes a day away from Instagram or TickTok to take inventory of your thoughts and actions.

Please take 25 minutes and watch the story of my struggles with BP. I think you'll really like it and if you have a mental illness, you can learn about what others experience battling this fu**ing disease. And I know most of you will be able to relate.

Click her for the YouTube link to the film, POLES: A BIPOLAR STORY.

https://youtu.be/9sRJYRyFars