Who Is She? She Is Me

She’s unattractive
Quiet
Her lips never apart 

Looking down to avoid contact 
To avoid fingers pointing at her 
Trying  hard not to make a mistake 
But the laughs and stares burn her inside 

The echoes copy the individuals 
She won’t say anything 
They said 
Being the center of the stage as a joke 
The whispers grew louder 

She felt unimportant 
She felt isolated 
Walls closing in 
Wanting to escape 
But the tears she hid inside froze her

The one with barely any friends 
The one who doesn’t deserve happiness 
Holding back tears during the day
Till they fully come down at night 

Who is she 

She
Is the writer I see today 
The soul that reappears after years 
Finally being seen 
Sharing her voice with the world 
She has come a long way 
And I am proud of her 
She is me 

This poem is about my school years, the times when people weren’t the nicest. This gave me my strength back. I can’t change the past, but I can create the future. I know I didn’t do anything wrong; people are just mean, and some love to make others feel that way. It's sad, but writing this gave me control. It proved to me that no one knew who I was. Everyone saw me as someone quiet, but I am now a woman with a voice who is taking control back from the mean people.

I know I should forget about it, but it took a big part of my life. The words people say—even my inner critic would replay them- and that is why it is sticking with me today. It takes a big chunk of my life. I was already struggling with my parents arguing a lot, and then going to school with mean people caused me to feel deeply sad. While the walls would close in, I would cry in silence because I felt like if I cried in front of everyone, it would make it worse. I felt like people would laugh louder and the smiles on their faces would grow bigger."

The inner voice only copies what she hears, and I know this, but sometimes she makes it sound true. But facts are better than words and sounds.

Now, the inner critic still makes me cautious and afraid of mistakes. Because when I do, the inner critic replays what they said and the laughs they made. It makes me feel sad at first, but this time, not for long. I can take a deep breath and try again later. The past might have made me feel unimportant, but I know I matter, and people out there care. When she tries to enter my brain, I distract myself. It may take a couple of minutes, but it helps; it gives that inner voice of mine something to focus on.

I personally like this poem; it shows me how far I have come. It shows me I can do this, and it also shows me I still have pain inside. But the ending is beautiful; it's powerful. It's my resilience, the strength, and the wall I've built.

I had a heavy cry at the ending; this just means so much to me. I used to not give myself credit because of her, but tonight I am owning that credit. The more I feel proud of myself, the more credit I can give myself. It is proof that I have come a long way, and I should be proud even when no one else tells me. I know I can tell myself and not feel awful about it. A lot of times after writing, I would ask myself, 'Who is she?' because I don’t recognize her, but I like her.