When Was The Moment You Knew Your Friend Wanted Much More Than Friends?

I had just got to my friend’s house. I was hesitant about going over but knew his parents were out of town and couldn’t miss a great party. That, and a girl was going to be there I had a crush on, her name was Kara.

I was 19 years old. I was a shy but not unpopular kid in High School. Girls asked me out a couple of times in my class, but I quickly turned them down due to my insecurities. I was about a year out of High School, and my insecurities still followed me, pretty relentlessly at that.

I got to the party and saw Kara sitting on the floor playing some drinking game with bottle caps. I never drank before, and I was pretty much against it all through High School due to the stories my mom told me about my alcoholic grandma.

As I walked further into the living room, she waved and hollered at me to come over and help her; she’s getting beat pretty bad. Later in the evening, I would find out the game was called “caps.”

I motioned to her I’d be there in a minute as my friend wanted me to meet someone. Todd, my friend throwing the party, took me into the kitchen. When I got there, he introduced us.

I’ve seen them hanging around other friends and parties I’ve attended in the past. I remember thinking, “oh yea! I know them!”

I decided to hang out with Todd and my new friend in the kitchen for a bit. The more I was around this “new friend,” the more relaxed I became.

This friend gave me a sense of confidence I had never experienced. And hell! Low and behold, they had more friends just like them; they brought them along too!

Before I knew it, I was in the living room with them and Kara, shooting “lights out” on the newfound game of “caps.” I had no idea I had such accuracy and wondered where this game had been all my life! But more importantly, why was I never introduced to this friend in the past! I’ve never met a friend that made me feel quite like this.

It got late as the night went on, and my new friend had to leave. I looked everywhere for his other friends, but they were all gone too. I thought, “I was having such a good time! I can’t wait to meet up with them again.”

That night I knew this friend wanted far more than a friendship. They made it painfully clear with their obsession and the bond they created with me. There wasn’t much I could do anymore without them. I became dependent on this newfound friend. I craved the feeling they gave me in almost every situation or event I found myself in. They made me so comfortable with myself.

As the years went on, our friendship became very toxic. It was a love/hate relationship. And the longer it went on, the more I began to resent this friend more than love them. But more importantly, I began to hate myself each time we met up. I realized they were no good for me. They never had my best interest but preyed on my insecurities and lack of self-worth to create an emotional hell within myself.

I dated a few girls that had the same friend. My friend loved to get me involved with other people who used them as their best friends too. In the beginning, we all would get along, but before long, the dysfunction would occur, and the relationships would become toxic.

My friend would encourage me to stick around. They would always talk me into sticking around situations that were horrible. When I wanted to talk about my feelings, they would bring more friends around until they didn’t matter anymore. The only thing that mattered was this one god damn friend I couldn’t escape.

They were so fucking persistent, and I couldn’t get away from them! They stalked me on vacations, camping trips, grocery stores, gas stations, holiday events, cookouts, bike rides, hikes, football games; this bastard was everywhere! The fucker was ruining my life!

That day, 28 years ago, I remember like it was yesterday.

It was the first day I found my friend Alcohol. Alcohol gave me something I had never experienced before, a sense of calmness and swagger. Even if it was short-lived, I gained confidence that night, followed by regrets. I felt something I needed at the time.

Today, Alcohol has taken me to a new level of defeat and self-sabotage I didn’t know would follow after that night 28 years ago. There was no warning that came with a fun night out at the age of 19. Little did I know the destruction and pain that would follow from being friends for so long.

Four days ago, I left that friend again, but he seems to always find himself back in my life. I see him around still, and sometimes I have to fight the urge to hang out. But I know exactly what type of friends they are.

They never had my best interest, nor will they ever.

That was a hard pill to swallow after they helped me through so many events, feelings, and life in general for years.

Some friends are better kept at a distance, and for me, Alcohol is one of them.