How A Covert Narcissist Uses “This” Weapon of Choice to Confuse You

I know; here we go again, right? Another fucking Covert Narcissist or Fragile Narcissist article. They are exhausting, aren’t they? I mean, we have read everything we need to read. We “think” we know what we are dealing with, but do we? I’m here to tell you I have no fucking clue.

What if you think you are dating a Narcissist, but they aren’t your typical arrogant, self-absorbed asshole we label the “typical” Narcissist? How do you know what they are? What if someone will be mean as cat shit one week but a hurt puppy dog the next? How the hell do you deal with that?

How is it one day the person you are dating will treat you like utter shit? But the next will be an utterly broken-down person begging for forgiveness and loving you to the moon and back. How do they do that? They keep you guessing, I know. They throw you off. They play on your emotions, even if they are aware of it or not.

If you are somewhat of a normal human, you have empathy and feelings in general. And one feeling most have, is guilt. I know first-hand guilt can be the fall of many, it has been a feeling from hell I wish I could rid out of my life, but I can’t.

You may have had this person pegged as a Narcissist, but you will think, “wait, they cried last week and said they were sorry.” They can’t be a Narcissist, right? The most manipulative part of Coverts is the elation and deflation.

When they are elated, they don’t fucking need you; you are nothing more to them than that trash can over in the corner. But when they are in “deflation” mode, they NEED YOU! They have a sob story for how bad they are, how they need to change, they are so sorry, and they love you so much! It can work this time; you have to trust them!

Then comes the weapon; they trigger the guilt in you. You will want to help them; you will think this person really wants to change; they are sorry! They play on the normal human emotion, guilt.

You will drive yourself nuts for years if you keep going back questioning if they are good, no they’re bad, no they’re good, no bad. It will drive you literally insane! That’s what Cognitive Dissonance will do, drive you completely fucking nuts. Your guilt will creep in and consume you. You can’t leave this person; you have to help them. Little do you know; it’s what they do! That’s how they are wired. And you will never understand it, nor can you help them!

It will drive you to complete lunacy as you research and read about what is wrong, trying to figure a way to help them, but there is no help you can offer! It is beyond help, I know it’s hard to accept, but it’s true.

The guilt is the weapon that keeps more people stuck than anything! You won’t want to leave them because you feel sorry for them. You can’t give up on them!

They see it this time. My god! They love you again; You can’t leave this poor lost soul to fend for themselves any longer. What a horrible hand they have been dealt in life, right? They need someone who can show them unconditional love, through all the abuse they dish out. Just suck it up you stupid fuck and support them! The only problem: you will become more delusional than them.

Coverts are the most damaging hands down. They come disguised, but not as the normal self-absorbed Narcissist. They don’t have unlimited supply, they are defected in a sense, they are bouncing off the highs and lows while using you as the ball.

The level of confusion is mind boggling, you will never know what version of this person you are dealing with. You will walk on eggshells waiting for the ball to drop; which one is it today? Do they love me, or love me not?

They are so good at projecting a victim mentality while they are the ones dishing out the abuse. You will literally drive yourself insane trying to figure them out and seconding guessing your every thought.

I believe there is never closure with this type of Narcissist, which makes it so difficult. As humans, we want some form of closure; we want something! Please tell us something! Years later, you will still wonder, “what was it?” Was she just broken and needed love and support while she figured her demons out? Did she really need your help and love you?

I’m here to tell you I have no fucking clue. Even the most aware will be duped into believing the sob stories; they are masters at it. But the way they can play the guilt and pity game buries many souls in the Narcissistic graveyard.

If you believe you are dating any form of Covert Narcissist, remember one thing. Take away all the “I love You’s.” Take away all the “I’m sorry.” And don’t believe a word this person says after they have done the most heinous acts. As they are giving you a smirk as they walk off with someone else with no regard to your feelings.

Remember!

Who they are when they are mean is precisely who they are.

There is no other way to explain it. And you trying to make sense or explain it will play right into their game of confusion. It will be hands down the most heart-wrenching, soul-crushing experience you will ever experience in your lifetime. I guarantee that.

The biggest thing for me is not knowing; how do I know? Bottom line, I will never fucking know.

The problem is you want to believe it, but believing it is a whole new animal. One many never accept, hence why the boards of Quora and Medium are flooded with questions about “what is wrong with my man.”

Awareness is the only way and avoiding one at all costs is your only advantage. Getting hooked doesn’t take much, and when you’re hooked, life will never be the same.

At least for a while it won’t.

Unless you figure a way out, which most never do.

Good luck.