Traveling with Depression

My boyfriend, Todd, and I have decided to take our show on the road. And by that, I mean we are literally dropping our lives to travel the United States. Ok, so it's not quite that simple, but we are in the beginning stages of planning to make this happen within the next six months. So, you might be asking yourself, why? Why leave the comfort of four walls for an RV? Did I mention the RV? Honestly, though, this has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. To travel the United States, yes in an RV, and you guessed it, write. So of course, when Todd mentioned travel nursing, I was kind of in from the start. Though, I was hesitant with two young children and two dogs to consider in the picture. But this was my dream I was looking at, and a good opportunity job wise for Todd. I couldn't refuse. A few weeks later here we are: Todd talking with recruiters and RV hunting, and me creating and publishing my own website! One of these days, that could be us parked in a Class C next to a serene lake in some beautifully remote location. The prospect was enough to kick start my ambition to get my dreams up and running. Join me, as my family and I prep to venture into the unknown, writing and nursing and traveling, all while taking my depression along for ride.

Depression and I, we go way back. I was diagnosed in my 20s, but doctors tried to diagnose me when I was in middle school. Looking back, I know it was there long before that. It wasn't until I started unboxing things in therapy that I realized how much I had buried and yet let stand in my way. I had years of anger, pain, hurt, and questions, oh, so many questions. All this spilling out in a matter of weeks, culminating in me resigning completely from my place of employment for almost six years. Resigning from what was honestly a cushiony job. In the end there was a straw, and it broke my back. Allowing me to finally break free in some ways and sink further into my depression in others.

I've been having my weekly therapy sessions since August of this year and they have opened so many old and infected wounds. My boss, being the practical job orientated person she is, could not see, drowning as she was, that I needed a break, or I was going to break. When she refused me, I broke. My resignation was handed in the next day. But, like I said, in some ways, this set me free. Want to know how many times I've researched blog writing and website building? I don't even have a number, but I am sure it is ridiculous. I've always let fear stand in my way. Fear of both failure and success. I've wanted so badly to be seen and heard and yet spent my life hulking in the shadows, quiet and fearful. In these last weeks at my job, I've both regressed and grown. It's interesting to me that my life must always be a contradiction.

I bet you're wondering what this has to do with traveling. Well, a lot, considering I will be taking my depression on the road with me. Before I am probably ready to do so I might add. When I expressed the idea to my therapist about Todd and I going RV-side with the girls, he very much validated my fears that six months therapy might not be substantial time to work on myself the ways I have been hoping to. So, it's likely I'll still be battling the same demons come June when we plan to leave. It scares me to think of all of us cramped up in an RV with one of my depressive episodes. It's hard to ignore your problems when they are all in within fifteen feet of you!

So, while we haven't hit the road yet, we are definitely prepping to. Making decisions about RV styles, the vehicle we will tow behind, options of dollies, the physical things we will bring and those we will sell, put in storage, etc. Sometimes my head spins trying to imagine getting it all done. Most of the time, however, I'm wishing it was May and we were buying instead of shopping and packing instead of prepping! But I couldn't get caught up in wishing my time away. It was time to get down to work on making dreams come true. No more letting fear stand in my way. If you are with me this far, thanks for reading and come back weekly to check up on the progress of our planning and my therapy/depression! Looking forward to starting this journey with you all!