The Mind of a House Wife With a Child

Most people think being a young stay at home mother is easy. I mean, I try to make it out to be easy, but to me, being home all the time with a one year old at the age of Twenty-One is the most miserable thing in the world. Outside of battling postpartum depression, I am watching my life go by while everyone else my age is making career accomplishments, or having the best college experience they can have, or maybe even having one Hell of an epic romance.

I am battling obesity, which does run in my family. I am currently One Hundred and Ninety-Nine pounds. I have lost five pounds in the past week due to walking on the treadmill twice a day and drinking more water than sodas. I have issues with eating healthy due to having little income, but I am proud of myself for losing the five pounds. A lot of mothers have issues with there looks. I would like to be more skinny and sexy. I know a lot of other mothers would love to be skinnier and sexy as well. I know I am beautiful, my husband tells me I am beautiful all the time, same with my friends. I believe, believing in yourself and your own beauty is the major problem. We all want to be able to look in the mirror and be proud of the reflection that looks back at us.

I battle thinking of myself in a good light, I mean don't we all in some fashion? I know many people out in the world are the same way as me, I just want all of the readers to know y’all are truly not alone. I know this is cheesy, but true. We are all too hard on ourselves for many different reasons. My main reason is jealousy. I hate to admit it, but I am jealous of every person in my life. I miss the romance of a relationship, I miss having a sex life that wasn’t just at night when we are both too tired to do anything. I hate only being a mother. I want to have a career and succeed in life just like everyone else I know. I hate cooking, cleaning and only dreaming to have a life like the characters in all the books I read have. I am that typical mother.

I would like to believe that everyone who deserves a happy ending will indeed get one, but I honestly am not so sure. I spend hours wondering if I will end up in Hell. I am not a bad person by far. I am just not that religious. I am a good person who has had a shitty life. I do not regret having my son, but I do regret not trying to make my life what I want it to be, before having a child and mentally struggling with myself while trying to give him an amazing life. I want more out of life than being a simple house wife and stay at home mom. One day I will get more out of life too, for now I am living the best life I can and taking this parenting thing day by day to avoid fucking up my child. This article is beyond messy and it is scattered all over the place but this is the mind of a house wife with a child.