The inner confessions of depressed people

We stay at home; we eat irregularly, or overeat, or cut off grains; we have reversed day and night, can't sleep at night, can't sleep during the day; we are depressed, self-deprecating, and lose interest in many things; we like to stay on the Internet; we seldom contact with friends; we are used to putting things off until the last minute; we can't see the meaning of life, and we can't see the future.

Our friends and relatives are anxious, but they have no idea how to help us.

Because our predicament appears to others to be entirely our intention - when it is clear that things could change completely with just a little willpower. Why would we rather sleep in the garbage than get up and clean our room?

We say we need help, but why is it that no matter how hard-hearted and earnest the consolation of others is, they can't seem to shake us one bit? We listened quietly but had no intention of following any advice at all.

That kind of deafness is anxious, isn't it?

We often remain silent in response to concerns or accusations. If we could push ourselves, we would say that I am already feeling overwhelmed, that there is really nothing I can do about this state of affairs and that perhaps only some powerful external force can guide me to escape from my predicament.

These sayings can be very irritating.

Why can't we pull ourselves together a little, instead of letting our emotions control our lives or pinning our expectations entirely on others?

We are trying to pull ourselves together.

You don't know how strong our desire is, so strong that sometimes we feel like we're almost 'burning up inside. But we really can't do it. It's like we're stuck and can't muster enough strength to do anything.

It's like the Chinese myth of the binding of the immortal rope, once bound, hands and feet are all there, and consciousness is awake, but we can't move and can't break free.

If you say to us: go out and take a walk, everything will be fine. Do more exercise, get some sunshine, hang in there, and come on! Our response is often silence, or a smile and saying nothing more.

We understand that you are right, but the more we appeal to our will, the more we feel that we can't do anything simply by having the will. Is that strange?

This is an important characteristic of depression: the inability to do what we want.

We are sick.

Depression is a word that often appears in the media these days. So people pretty much agree that there is such a thing as depression. But if someone close to you claims to be suffering from depression, it is mostly not easy to accept.

The reason is simple: how can we be sick when we are talking and acting like normal people? Moreover, even if we are sick, how serious can it be? Is it just a low mood?

Such thinking is also a major reason why people with depression have less communication with people around them - we have no wounds to exhibit that we can sympathize with, no medical images that are shocking to the eyes, and not even high fever temperatures or painful reactions.

We looked so normal that, even though we were trudging through the wilderness day after day because no one could see it, no one believed that we were not going to make it.

We wanted so much to make ourselves meet people's expectations, but I found myself unable to do so. This makes us feel stressed and guilty in the face of all the well-intentioned care. So we try to cut back on social interactions to avoid concerns.

On the other hand, because depression allows some personalities to be amplified and expressed in extremes when we repeatedly seem demoralized, complain too much about life, have excessive emotional needs and dependencies, and are overly sensitive to relationships, this can bore the people who were initially supportive and begin to avoid us.

And we will quickly notice the change, so the positive reinforcement of social support is interrupted. The result of both forces is that we fall back into the darkness in a more powerful way.

We will always face unresolved conflicts, unmet demands, or unbearable burdens in our lives.

These emotions, frustrations, and the accompanying feeling of loss of control over our lives can make people feel bad.

As a result, emotions of sadness, helplessness, emptiness, despair, anxiety, anger, and self-expectations are constantly at war within.

Most of the time, they can be held back, cathartic, and avoided. But sometimes, even if you try to restrain them, the negative emotions will continue to gather energy and surge from side to side, like a rushing 'stream of fire', looking for the nearest opening.

And at this point, the least dangerous path is to turn the conflict inward.

Under the tendency of sleep disorder, overeating, and anorexia, indulging in fantasy, relying on alcohol, impulsive shopping, staying at home, spending time on the Internet, and other self-damaging tendencies are the purpose of escaping from the stress of reality.

In the face of those unresolved stress and tension, would it be better to close your eyes? Do not listen, do not look, pretend that everything is just a nightmare. When you open your eyes, it should be better, right? As for those things you don't like, put them off until tomorrow, maybe one day everything will get better on its own. There is wine today. Close your eyes, and the world has no cliff.

In this way, we are far away from the people and things that we do not like and are not accustomed to, hiding back in the world that we can fully control, automatically and spontaneously becoming a prisoner of home. Life is simplified to the point where only the most basic needs remain.

In this simple, familiar size world, we can be as comfortable and safe as a baby in its mother's arms. But in our hearts, there is always a voice reminding us of our disgust with the numbness of our lives, our anxiety about our futures, and our deep disappointment and self-doubt.

Because of avoidance, more and more things should be done. The pile of responsibilities creates a profound sense of frustration. To offset the sense of failure, we keep looking for ways to try to fill the void, and so we have those self-defeating behaviors.

But the erosion of shame and hatred can sometimes make us feel like we have nothing to hide. This anxiety-filled emotion often does not help inspire action but leads to a paralysis of the will.

So after a new round of struggle, we are filled with anxiety and remorse and hide even deeper back into our world. It's a twisted cycle. Like a worm crawling on the Möbius strip, it blunders into a bizarre world where only a single surface exists but is self-perpetuating.

In our self-perception, we sometimes feel as if we are enchanted and invisible.

The world passes me by, but I am just a bystander in the void. No one knew I was lost in the darkness, and no one would come looking for me.

I tried to cry out and find a way out, but some untouchable barrier separated me from the world. Occasionally someone heard a cry for help and tried to offer it, but I soon realized that everyone willing to help was unable to reach the heights I had specifically requested.

Gradually I realized that in this lonely and noisy world, I could not see any possibility of absconding. So I slowly solidified into a rigid floating pose, helplessly at the mercy of fate. This painting can be called "Sorrow without Tears".

Every day, someone feels unfortunate.

The ancient Greek hero Achilles once looked up to the sky and sighed: "I am the son of Zeus, the son of Kronos, but I have to endure unspeakable misery. Abraham Lincoln also said: "If my feelings were to spread to all mankind, there would never be a happy face in this world.

Truly, the spread of mental disorders is so astonishing that some psychologists believe that we are in an "age of depression".

People who are depressed often have some very good qualities.

We are sharp, sensible, creative, not satisfied with mediocrity, and have high expectations of quality of life.

We believe that happiness depends on our struggle and that if everything is done right, the world will be bright in tone, bright in a smile, and happy in ending - just like the illustrations in elementary school textbooks or the descriptions in commercials and popular dramas - no matter how major the problem is, it can be solved in a short time; good people don't get hurt forever; there is always someone to lend a helping hand in critical moments; if you persevere through the dark moments, there is bound to be light ahead The smooth road... Thus, there should be nothing wrong.

This is what we have been taught since childhood. But such a belief system does not help us to properly judge the effort and patience needed to solve problems in the real world.

Depressed people have a habit of thinking the worst of things.

The more they think about it, the more emotionally drained they become, and the eyes of their mind are filled only with this event. Until the sky and the ground have turned gray, only to begin to despair why they are the only ones trapped in this world of only gray tones.

This pessimistic thinking pattern, psychology called the negative attribution style. It's as if our minds can automatically enter the familiar band and put a gray filter on the world we look out at, making everything dull.

This is not entirely our fault. This negative style of interpretation can often be traced back to childhood.

Take an example that is not universal.

If the need for love is repeatedly ignored and denied in childhood; or if the parent's attitude toward the child is laced with denial, contempt, ridicule, and disrespect, the child will learn by instinct to hide his or her aggression and loss.

The child learns to cater to parental expectations with a likable, false self. Our eyes will always look to our parents for pleasure and for the approval and attention we crave.

Because: you must like me, value me, and feel good about me for me to feel safe.

We are afraid of disappointing people.

For this goal, we demand that we must succeed, that we must persevere, that we must be perfect, and that we must endure everything. To do otherwise is sinful and blameworthy.

It's a self-abusive sense of obligation. What childish perfectionism. It has made me unhappy all my life.

If this false pattern is cemented and stays with us into adulthood, we get used to denying ourselves.

Because experience has taught me that the only way to be accepted is to pretend to be the perfect version of yourself.

And the real self, which is not good enough, is also not liked. This cutthroat evaluation allows us to always experience the imbalance of our inner needs.

On one side is an overwhelming desire for love and approval; on the other side is a constant ambush of helplessness, sulking, distrust, and inability to feel safe.

This unstable state makes us unhappy.

The false self drains us of so much energy that to compensate for the emotional void, we fill the gap with overeating, gaming, and impulse shopping to gain temporary satisfaction.

But this apparent balance is so delicate that if a sudden event awakens the initial trauma, or if we are on the edge of our strength due to exhaustion, our reaction is likely to be unexpected.

For example, reacting with fury to a minor event. And more often than not, we are exhausted, as if our entire body has run out of strength.

Why does this happen? We don't know.

It's as if a net has suddenly descended from the sky and trapped us inside, and all we can do is suffer numbly. But this is not the truth.

For it is never a bee that crushes an elephant, but the burden that has already exhausted it before.