The Devil Or Angel: The Eternal Struggle In Our Head

In the movies, they depict a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. One to encourage bad behaviour. One to champion good choices.

When we imagine the fight, good vs evil. It is always how our actions impact others. It is the voices guiding us towards a choice. They drive how we behave in a situation. Challenging the status quo; the Devil. They encourage the breaking of rules or being horrible. The Angel encourages love, patience, and considering others before a course of action.

Sometimes it’s impossible to tell who is driving you.

“Contrary to popular belief, the wings of demons are the same as the wings of angels, although they’re often better groomed.”― Terry Pratchett, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

For some people, the devil voice can become less of an external compass more like an internal critic. The angel voice is mute unable to counter such a wave of constant negative critique.

I know this feeling well, the constant battle between the two opposing sides. The devil always having the upper hand. The rhetoric was forever dark and unwanted. The angel gave up, watching on with increasing horror, stiff drink in hand.

My inner voices are not on my side. They treat my thoughts like their personal playground. Unleashing, venom-soaked one-liners at every turn. I know on a level that voice is mine. That those lines are me speaking bile to myself.

It is easier to imagine that some unseen force is attacking my thoughts. The negative prose is not how I feel. A few months before, crippled with the devil voice. Now, there has been a marked improvement. I have learned a few things about the turmoil in my head.

We need that inner critic because not all our choices are good for us. Playing the devils advocate the voice used can help make more informed choices. We need to observe what is helpful and what is not. Banish the non constructive criticism hold on to the rest.

When used in the right way, the devil voice is helpful, needed actually. She is that little doubting voice that can make sense at times. She can bring a new point to the argument in your head. At times, we often need to consider. She is the cheeky side of us all. We all need to break a rule or two that is good for the soul.

The dark side of her is vicious and cruel. The self-doubt monster cripples us from the inside with harsh rhetoric. The positives never get in endless darkness with no end. Forcing us to believe the worse parts of us is all there is a constant spiral of worthlessness and despair. We need to observe what is helpful and what is not. Banish the non constructive criticism hold on to the rest.

Having the good thoughts constantly in your head telling you how amazing you are 24/7 is also not helpful. Over validation can lead to a false sense of superiority. We all need to hear that we are great to be open to positive feedback. Not to the detriment of everything else. Overconfident grandstanding is as bad as having zero confidence. Too far, either way, is damaging in different ways.

The light needs the dark, the Angel the Devil work together keeping each other at bay.

I have had to struggle to the middle ground. Fight my way through to neither good nor evil, purgatory. On arrival, I had to figure out who I am. By not allowing either of them a voice, forcing myself to see me. Who did I find?

A flawed person, struggling to get out of their way. Someone who is neither all good nor all bad. A woman who is ordinary and is happy to be so. No longer a slave to the dark thoughts inside my head telling me I am worthless. I am not the light or the dark, the angel or the devil. I am the middle.

I still have days when the dark wins, when the doubts swirl unabated around me. There are fewer of those now. I understand it is within my power to take what I need, leave the rest.

It is about balance, banishing evil doesn’t win you the war, finally giving it its place will.