The beginnings

Lets get acquainted

My name is Parker and i am a survivor of sexual , emotional and physical abuse. It took a long time for me to be able to say this out loud but when i finally did i found my truth in the silence and the strength in my voice. My wish for this page is to be able to be there for and listen to others who are out there just like me. Share with me your story as i share with you mine.

1. When i was ready...

I am a wife and a mother but for a long time i didn't know who i was as a person. Mainly because for most of my life i was told who i should be and how i was meant to feel and act. All i knew was the person i had to pretend to be. So now that im finally and happily free and i get to be whoever i truly am i dont know who that is. Its a weird feeling to be 30 years old and just now figuring yourself out and that truly scared the crap out of me. Starting from zero is a scary thing to do but i found the best way for me to start fresh was to be fully honest and transparent. So this is me doing exactly that.

2. Our stories may not be the same but we have one thing in common..

We all have a deep pain within us that was forced on us. A pain that we have either confronted and have slowly started to deal with or a pain we just feel but dont know how to start to heal. Whatever it might be for you wherever you are in your path to healing just know you dont have to go through it alone. For me finding my wife was what saved my life and has given me the strength to get where i am today but even i am far from where i would love to be one day. We will always have a struggle within us that isnt in others but we can find each other and heal together because i know the pain is smaller when our armies are larger.

3. It may be a new year but can i really make it different..

So today is special obviously to the world BUT its special to me because its my wedding anniversary which in itself is crazy to say. So sitting here on my couch spending time with my wife and kids on new years eve i cant help but to look back and take a long hard look at my life. Think about new years resolutions as everyone does. Think about what mine would be and if id be able to truly attain them. However the thing on my mind most of all is this overwhelming feeling of gratitude. How grateful i am that my wife loves me despite all my very messy baggage. That she accepted me and loved me even after all the hell i put her through throughout the years. Things such as not being able to be fully intimate or the full on loud nightmares every single night for the first idk four years we were together..or my inability to express my feelings and always shoving down my emotions until im a raging bitch. The point im trying to make is im so unbelievably happy to have found someone willing to love me through the damage and through the mess and willing to wait for me to heal on my time and be with me on my good days. Today i still feel the pain but today i choose to feel the happiness instead.