Self Love Challenge

What would someone who loved themselves do?

In the past, this question would have completely emotionally and mentally incapacitated me with overwhelm. I wouldn't have known where to even begin, because my mind was stuck in a never-ending loop of reliving every single incident that told my I was unloved and unworthy of love.

I now know to also thank my undiagnosed ADHD brain for the constant replay contribution as well as the anxiety and depression. So my self love journey actually began as a physical healing journey. I started with the basics, what does my body need to function well? It turns out that magnesium, vitamin D and B12 are all required by the body for proper mood regulation, and that a deficiency in any one of them can lead to symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Ok, so these are simple practical things I can take on a regular bases to help my body and mind. But I still feel bad and my thoughts are still stuck in victim mode.

When I was finally able to accept that my thoughts and emotions were stuck in victim mode, I was able to start processing and releasing some of the emotions and events that caused them. I used a variety of tools; counseling, journaling, EFT (tapping), Teal Swan videos on YouTube, the Completion Process, and Steve Nobel Meditations and Transmissions which are also available on YouTube.

For me, this process took years and is still ongoing, as I had to recognize and remove myself where negative emotional and behavioral patterns were still repeating themselves.

Throughout this process I have learned to redirect my tendency for negative thought patterns or repeating old stories. When I catch myself, I make sure to be gentle with myself. If I wouldn't say it to a child, I don't say it to myself. Instead I tell my brain to cancel and delete the incoming story as it s no longer relevant to who I am, nor is it who I wish to be. I then try to think of something I am grateful for, something that I enjoy or just something that makes me smile, like kittens and sunshine.

For example, one of the stories that keeps popping up for me often uses the word "can't". I can't do this because I'm not good enough and the like. I try to address this story by saying "I Can but do I want to? Am I afraid?" I try to find the real reason behind the "can't" and then sit and examine the pros and cons of either choice of doing or not doing the thing, or is there and option C or D that suits me better? Then I can leave the situation knowing that I made a choice, instead of being a victim to the situation.

Self love in general can seem like an overwhelming process that is incredibly out of reach. Breaking it down into levels can make it feel more attainable. I started with this:

1. I am open to accepting myself 2. I accept myself 3. I am open to loving myself 4. I love myself You can break it down into smaller aspects if even saying I am open to accepting myself is too much. ( I am open to accepting _______ about myself ) It is common to fluctuate even daily between these "levels" as issues arise for you to deal with, so be kind to yourself.

Backing this up with small habits that make you feel good or that you enjoy can help physically reinforce these mental changes. Examine all the habits and tasks you do. How many fall into the category of "because I want to" and how many fall into the category of "because I should"? Really examine the "should" category. How many of these habits or tasks could you do without, or cause you to violate your own boundaries? Why are you doing them? Do they make you happy? What would happen if you didn't do them? If you are doing something just to avoid certain consequences, ask yourself if there is a different action you could take that you might actually like instead, so it starts feeling more like a want than a should.

I wanted to do exercise because I wanted to loose weight. Actually, I felt like I should exercise in order to loose weight, so I took up cross fit. I didn't mind it, but I was so sore afterwards and I found that I was actually needing to really psych myself up to even go to the class. Eventually, I quit. When I was honest with myself about my motivation I realized that I was putting cross fit in the "should" category instead of the "want to" category. I still wanted to do exercise to loose weight, so I reflected on what type of exercise or movement did I enjoy. It turns out that I can walk at a brisk pace outside for and hour or more and still enjoy it, I also enjoy yoga if it's at home and the class is 30 minutes or less, and I also enjoy the occasional swim. Now I can be more consistent with "exercise" because it's something I enjoy and it turns out that "consistency" and not "effort" is more beneficial for long term health benefits.

Another habit that I examined was making my bed. I had it the should category as well. Upon reflection I determined that I did like having the bed "made", but for me that just means throwing the blankets back up over the pillows and nothing more than that. No need for perfectionism here.

A quote that really struck me was "every action we take is like a vote for the type of person we wish to become." (James Clear) So by making these small, incremental adjustments, we can begin to rebuild the foundation of who we are, into who we not only want to be, but a truer representation of our authentic selves. One that has always been worthy of unconditional love, we just forgot it was there.

So I ask you, what would someone who loved themselves do?