My Struggles with Bipolar/Schizophrenia in My Relationship

I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia when I was 18. It eventually escalated to be a Bipolar diagnosis a few years later. I hated living with it. My therapist said my condition was severe but to me I felt I recovered rather quickly from it. It only takes a few weeks for the medicine to kick in. The issue was that the medicine made me gravely disabled. I couldn’t move my body and was sleeping 12 hours a day and didn’t want to get out of bed. I had low self-esteem because I was struggling with my studies and work. I was getting fired at many workplaces because of my disability. I gravely hated myself. I thought to myself - is something wrong with me? Even on medication I was still depressed. I was feeling sad over my loneliness and wondering why I was struggling so much.

I didn’t know what could truly bring fulfillment to my life for a long time. For some people, it is a career. For some, it is money. For some others, it is their community and hobbies. But for me, I had found my niche and that is finding the love of my life. I met him through Eharmony. We hit it off very well but it became dark after 2 months of dating when I started taking birth control pills. For a Bipolar patient, mood swings disorder as a side effect of the pills did not mix well with it. I was constantly talking very loud and so many people were complaining about how loud I was. I didn’t know I was yelling when I was trying my best to talk nicely. I exploded so many times while in class and on the streets and at work and had so much unwanted attention. Although I found confidence in the love of my life, I couldn’t control my mood swings which went out of whack. I dumped my boyfriend everytime I hit my pms week which was every 2 weeks and went back to him every few days. It was on and off like that for 3 years until I got hospitalized 4 times in a year and decided to take off the birth control pills. I couldn’t believe after all those times of dumping my boyfriend and being on and off with him he still loved me and wanted me back. I found my true love and my path of self-confidence and esteem.

Today I am no longer gravely disabled. I go to work like a normal person. I’m no longer fired left and right like before. I drink energy drinks and take diet foods which helps a lot and mixes well with my medication. I no longer sleep 12 hours a day but only about 8 hours. I take a shower everyday which is a significant change because back then I was taking a shower every other day and was stinking pretty badly. I dress up and groom myself like never before. I love myself more than before. Sometimes I feel depressed still but it goes away and doesn’t linger like before.

Everyone has a niche. It’s just about discovering it for themselves and it might take time for that to happen. It would require a lot of patience and endurance. Just have to keep searching and searching for the thing that can bring you happiness and fulfillment. I would say discovering what is making you feel sad can help you find out what makes you happy. If you are sad because you are lonely, perhaps joining an organization of community might help. Or if you are stressed out about finances, consider doing something to improve your skills and perhaps discovering that career is what makes you happy. Things that make you feel a certain way could actually be the thing that brings about fulfillment to your life if you find solutions to its issues the right way and with time and patience. Finally, I would say there is a solution to every problem in the world. It’s just about finding wisdom and patience for it.