My Anxiety Comes From The Mistrust Of Others

Remember the times when you were carefree and young. I do. Those were innocent times because I didn't know anything about the world. Everyone's intentions were honest and forthcoming. You can put your trust in people and they could put their trust in you. People were dependable and no one wanted to do bad things to one another.

The older I get the more I learn about the world and sometimes knowledge isn't quite a good thing. I learn that people have their own personal gain in mind when they interact with me. Sometimes I wonder if people are interacting with me only because they have something to gain. I never used to have this feeling before.

It's really my fault too. I learned this form of thinking through social media, the news, movies and basically everything around me. My own logical thinking works against me. The whole concept of capitalism is ingrained in our minds and we're all competitive as a result. I guess you can say that it's an inescapable mindset because we're developed this way.

Just now I'm starting to understand the dire circumstances of thinking in this way. It causes anxiety in the way I interact with others in my everyday life. Driving on the streets makes me anxious because I know people are trying to get to where they want to go as fast as they can without regard for others. That's why there's accidents all the time. They swerve lanes not looking, they speed not realizing people may be slowing down ahead and don't even pay attention to possible pedestrians or cyclists. There's so much to take into account when driving.

Even personal friendships are affected because you know some people are interacting with you until something better or more interesting comes along. This wasn't always the case before. I had loyal friends back in the day but they're all married off and have kids. They have bigger priorities for themselves now and I understand. The single people out there are hard to deal with because we have this mentality that something better is always around the corner. Heck that's why we're all single. At least one party in the relationship believes there's something better around the corner. Their actions in turn shape their ex partner to be weary of the next person they're with and it becomes a vicious cycle.

There are a few easy solutions to fix the problem but these solutions aren't quite feasible. I could just not interact with people altogether and become a hermit. Knowing that I'm a social being I don't think this would work for me quite well. I'd probably go mad being secluded for too long.

I could also try to just forget things and let go. This is extremely hard because my mind just doesn't forget things that easily. My past experiences have shaped who I am and how I interact with people but having these anxieties definitely shapes my interactions for the worse.

As I get older there's fewer and fewer people that I can have close bonds with because of the fact I know people are out there looking for opportunities. Though I have to realize that's not the case for everyone. When things came so easily when you're young it's hard to think about how hard you have to work to have long sustaining relationships when you're older.

Sometimes the anxiety comes from knowing that life has passed me by. I am a victim of karma because for the longest time I thought that the grass is greener on the other side. I was one of the opportunists and now I'm paying for it. My life now is alone and non-trusting. Looking closer I see that my anxieties could possibly come from the fact that I look at others as I would in their place. A darkness that exists because I know it belongs in me as well.

My own logic and research can damage my psyche more so than the actions of others. I create these demons in my mind that I know I shouldn't. Yet the mind is a tricky entity when it's lonesome. It cam play tricks on you and you never know what you'll think next.