Letting go the Daoism way

A few years ago a client of mine introduced me to the work of Alan Watts*.

(*Alan Watts (1915–1973) was an English Philosopher, writer and speaker who interpreted and educated his western audience on Zen Buddhism, Taoism and Hinduism. His work still lives on today and I recommend watching some of his videos on youtube)

Since then I have watched as many of his youtube talks as I can get my hands on and really love the way he examines and breaks down many of the complexities of our human nature through the eyes of ancient spiritual concepts and religions. They are conveyed with simplicity and passion.

We Wei —Effortless action. Not to force anything

For me, one of the most enlightening of the concepts he talks about is what in Daoism is referred to as ‘Wu Wei’.

Wu Wei translates to ‘non-doing’ or doing nothing and is one of the core principles of Daoism. It was first mentioned in the ‘Tao te ching’ as early as 600 BC. Although the literal translation of Wu Wei makes it sound like a pretty lazy process, as it turns out; it is quite the opposite.

In fact, it is the idea of doing the least forceful and minimal kind of action at a timing that is optimal. A way of preserving one’s energy for taking action when it matters the most rather than wasting it at times when it has little impact.

In its essence, Wu Wei teaches us how to be at ease with letting go rather than clinging and forcing by allowing for the natural laws of the universe to take charge of our lives. Yet without becoming overly passive or apathetic. This is a masterful balance that is not easily obtained. Yet when it happens, we all know how easy and light life feels.

It is the difference of getting in the flow during a presentation when the words just come out like music, as opposed to straining through power point bullets without feeling. The audience will definitely notice the difference, and so will you.

The Wu Wei suggests that…

We should act when the moment is right — without ever forcing anything.

We should watch and observe the natural laws to know when the time is right. Everything is related and interdependent. Understanding these relationships between ‘things’ enables us to detect balance, natural flow and the path of least resistance in how we take action. The idea is that we can be like water that flows effortlessly and without resistance but can still be very powerful and flow through to any surface

If something has too much resistance, we choose the action of non-action rather than stepping forward with effort and force, knowing that such conditions goes against nature at that point in time.

We also choose to do less in any situation where we don’t fully understand the naturally occurring relationships between systems. Instead, we observe and learn rather than impose and use force to make something happen.

How forcing situations will backfire

Ever noticed that things don't happen when we want them to happen ‘too much’, or when we apply too much force? In my job as a Psychologist, it comes to my attention daily as you watch clients in their lives. It also is evident in my own life. Most people, with our without a technical understanding of Wu Wei would probably agree that life is at its best when we are in a flow. When we are able to let go of what does not serve us yet focus and engage with the things we are passionate about. An act that requires constant attention and comes with plenty of pitfalls to learn from. The good news is, when you follow it- you will know how good it feels. When you allow your actions to come into alignment with the natural laws of nature, everything feels easy and there is an experience of being in the flow of life.

Letting go of FOMO; a case example

Tina, a young lady who I had been seeing in therapy for a while was suffering immeasurably from FOMO. She didn’t want to miss out on any parties, work events or ‘fun things that her friends got up to’. There was a sense of strain and force as she would chase down her friends checking for the latest, or sit at home and ponder on what else she was missing out on as she was sitting at home.

One day we spoke about the importance of allowing things to happen more naturally. To start taking a step back and notice the more natural flow of things. Perhaps some people were simply not that keen on her meanwhile other ones were. Were there certain events that weren’t meant for her that she tried so hard to go to, that she missed out on those where she would have felt a natural state of belonging?

She initially felt reluctant to accept this idea, however decided to grasp it better. She subtly started to adopt a new stance.

Rather than chasing opportunities, she would make the best of those that came her way organically. Instead of spending hours online scanning friends’ Instagram accounts, she would start enriching her own life with more interesting projects.

The results: She felt more at ease about herself, more worthy and self-assured and unsurprisingly; the right opportunities that she did put herself forward for would create more enjoyment and satisfaction. The FOMO started to diminish.

This is a small example of Wu Wei as applied to everyday life. By letting go a little when the resistance feels high, you enable yourself to feel part of something bigger and detect how naturally everything flows without our interference.

As such it can be applied to everything. Our relationships, jobs and our lives as a whole.

‘Wu Wei means doing things in accordance with the grain. It doesn’t mean you don’t cut wood. But it means you cut wood along the lines where wood is most easy to cut’

Alan Watts

The take away:

Wu Wei is NOT the same as ‘doing nothing’. It is a way of applying less strain to circumstances when such are excessive and unnatural and thereby creating better flow.

It allows us to be in the experience rather than struggle against it.

It enables us to see the bigger picture of situations and recognise when our efforts are forced or excessive so that we can preserve our actions for a time when it will really make a difference.

When we live in harmony with our natural state and our surroundings, we will find a greater state of satisfaction and happiness.

Nature does not hurry, yet every

thing is accomplished.’

Lao Tzu