Learn to express your anger in a reasonable way

1. Learn to express anger

Many times, we not only refuse to bear the anger of others but also do not want to express our anger.

Holding back may allow anger to explode more strongly, leading to greater conflicts and problems.

The key to these inner emotions is to find a balance.

Anger can be expressed well with the right approach.

There is no doubt that recognizing your own needs and learning to express anger is a way to build healthier relationships with others.

Anger is an internal unhappy response that is caused by a feeling of injustice and unacceptable frustration.

-- Jacques Hilliard (American psychologist)

Anger is an emotional red alert, whether it's a touch of anger or holdback.

Anger tells us that others may have violated us, or that our inner desires cannot be met. We must listen to our anger because it helps us keep our personality intact.

-- Aye Gurro René (psychologist)

2. Anger, men, and women are different

The perception that men express more anger than women is not accurate.

--Raisley Brudy, Gender Emotions and the Family

It was once thought that anger was an androgynous emotion.

In general, men express anger more aggressively, while women often express it verbally.

And in intimate relationships, women tend to be more aggressive in arguments and even more inclined to violence than men.

Men are often angry because their rights are threatened, such as wanting to do something but being forbidden to do so.

Women, on the other hand, act because others are not acting by their wishes, especially when they feel rejected, neglected, and jealous.

Women often want someone or something to change, but they can't do anything about it and don't see a way out, so they get angry.

--Professor Thomas

A woman is more likely to lose her temper at home. She may put up with her boss's unreasonableness at work without saying a word, while at home, her child dawdling can make her furious and storm out.

-- Doris Helming, psychiatrist, "Sensory Competence

Social norms are also shaping the acceptance of expressions of anger by men and women.

To some extent, aggression is sanctioned in young boys.

Men raising their voices, or trying to defend themselves with their hands, are often considered manly.

Conversely, women who express their anger directly risk being seen as shrews and having their image greatly damaged.

3. Repression or outburst?

There is a misconception that from a young age we are taught not to let anger breed bitterness and harm others and ourselves.

--Bauer Oster (psychotherapist)

Yet suppressing anger can cause a range of dysfunctions.

Discontent can be transformed into an inner rage that tests the nerves and makes them even more sensitive and irritable.

The anger is likely to find a scapegoat and be vented on the innocent.

The bottom line is that repressing anger does not really protect your interests, but rather increases the pain of your incompetence.

Eventually, the body will slowly digest these emotions with imperceptible illnesses, eventually leading to many diseases.

All that suppressed anger will turn back on itself. In the long run, our body should suffer, such as back pain, ulcers, psoriasis, etc.

--Bauer Oster (psychotherapist)

A psychological study based on the observation of facial expressions found that

Anger is good for one's physical and mental health as long as one is not overly excited.

When tension arises, those who react with brief bursts of anger have a sense of control and optimism that is lacking in those who react with fear.

Anger is an appropriate emotion in stressful and frightening situations. Anger is not a bad thing. In fact, anger is more beneficial to one's health than fear.

--Jennifer Lerner (psychologist)

Of course, prolonged explosive anger or holding a hostile emotion toward the outside world for a long time is harmful to health.

4. Three steps to anger

There is always pain hidden behind the anger, but it is also foolish to lose your temper indiscriminately.

--Bauer Oster (psychotherapist)

One must learn to vent this energy of disappointment outward. When anger strikes, try the following "three steps to anger".

01. Distraction When sudden anger strikes, verbal hysteria can only make the situation worse. The most critical thing at this point is to remain calm.

This is not easy, but you can try.

Meditating from 1 to 10.

Going to a deserted place and shouting.

distracting yourself by slamming pillows and tearing pieces of paper, etc.

Or just call a good friend and talk about it.

Only restrain the instant emotional reaction to the stimulus, and you can enter the following more rational session.

02, clear your mind notice? Sometimes it's just a small, insignificant thing that can make you angry and irritable.

What exactly ignites the anger in your heart? Try asking yourself these questions.

Did you feel hurt? Did he/she do it intentionally or unintentionally?

Are you sure you didn't make a mistake when "someone else must have done it on purpose"? Is it because you are too sensitive?

Is the situation really serious enough for you to lash out? Is there a way to solve the problem without getting angry?

What exactly are you trying to achieve by yelling? To make the other party intimidated, or hope to communicate with him?

......

If you are in a rage, you cannot answer these questions. However, you should try to answer these questions. Only then will you know what to do next.

03, express the true feelings once you feel that you have control of the emotions, not in all have emotional outbursts - you can express their emotions and feelings.

But please note that the expression of their emotional feelings, but do not just blame the attack.

Psychologist Thomas Gordon recommends a method for us.

Say how you feel, but not in the position of others. Talk to the other person about which behaviors upset you.

"When you ......".

Say how you feel: "I feel ......"; "I'm angry .....".

Share your expectations with the other person: "I wish it could be like this because ......".

Express your needs now and explain why: "I asked you to ...... It's because .....

Don't forget that your goal is to rediscover balance in the relationship.

Don't gush, don't allow the other person to talk, and don't give in in front of him/her.

Only by finding ways to fix your relationship will you truly achieve your goal of allowing each person to retain their integrity.

The benefit of expressing anger is much more than just taking a breath; it is valuable in rebuilding your relationship with yourself and with others.

--Bauer Oster (psychotherapist)

So, you can have a good, well-reasoned anger outburst, which not only won't hurt the relationship but will bring us back to harmony.

5. What happens to my body when I get angry?

Anger is like a rallying cry, causing the body to enter a "battle" state.

The adrenal glands secrete cortisol, adrenaline, etc., the heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, breathing is short and shallow, muscles are tense, and the brain is on high alert.

At the same time, blood flow from the heart to the extremities begins to increase, while the digestive and immune systems shut down almost completely.

"Anger causes the typical nervous reaction that puts us in a fight-or-flight state of mind." This state can be damaging to the body.

--Williams, Duke University Medical Center, "The Rage that Takes a Life

So, understand this: anger is inherently a normal emotion that we all experience.

Reasonable expression of anger, the release of anger, no longer repression of anger or thunder makes outbursts, will make our relationships, mind, and body increasingly healthy.