It's my time

My mom banged on the bathroom door, "You're failing two classes! What’s wrong with you?!" I could barely hear her over the sound of my music. I looked down at my feet. Something was happening. I couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't think. I wasn't frozen, I blacked out. I didn't fall, I didn't knock anything down. It happened again. I looked the shower floor. I started crying. I thought to myself "Why can't I be normal?"

To clear up what happened, I honestly don't know. This "thing" started happening in 5th grade. One night, I was sitting in my room crying, thinking about what "they" said that day. I blacked out. I didn't remember anything. But ever since then it's like I'm being controlled by something then I black out. The scars on my arms scare me because I honestly don't know what happened.

My mom banged on the door again, "It's 11:30pm go to sleep!" I slowly moved from looking at the shower floor, shocked. I turned off the water, grabbed my phone and got out of the shower. This time it was bad, I couldn't think of one time it was like this. I didn't care, I got dressed, grabbed my phone and went to my room. I turned off my light, plugged in my phone and went to sleep. ~

I woke up with my body sore. I tried not to think about it as I got dressed. Sweatshirt, leggings, boots, messy bun. I was out the door in ten minutes. I got to school; my friends were laughing having a good time. I stopped turned and walked right out of the school. I went and sat in some coffee shop down the street. I didn't know where I was going but I wasn't staying here. The lady working came up and asked me if I was okay. My general response is "yes" and flash a fake smile. But this time all I said was "Yea, can I get a vanilla cappuccino?" She gave me a sad look then said, "Sure baby" I held out a 5-dollar bill, but she refused and said "It's on me" smiled and walked off.

I felt relieved that she didn't ask me anymore questions, but I still felt bad leaving my friends like that. Especially my best friend. She'll probably text me sometime and ask where I was, no biggie. The lady came back and said, "Here's your cappuccino, and my number in case you need anything." I looked from the paper to her and a big smile formed on her face. "Thanks" I said as she walked away.

I drank slowly as I watched the morning news. I pulled out of my bag a notebook and a pencil. I always keep a notebook, either it's full of lists, stories, or lyrics. I turned to an empty page and wrote "February 26, 2013" I stopped, took a drink, and kept writing, my last words were "I don't know where I'm going but I'm not staying here." I tore out the page, folded it up and put it in my back pocket. I put my pencil and notebook back in my bag. I sat there a little longer, watching the tv. I finally looked at my phone. "9:12am" I looked and the lady and nodded saying "thank you but I'm leaving." I grabbed my bag and walked out the door.

I started walking to my friend’s house. "I'll slip it under the door, so she'll see it when she gets home." When I got there I slowly walked up and slid the note under the front door. Turning I started to cry. I walked away, not knowing what I was doing or where I was going. I put my headphones in and turned my music up all the way to forget the world. I started north; I think. This is the way my mom goes to work so I'm guessing north. I passed by a couple of police who just looked and turned away, not asking where I was going. Which was good because I didn't know either. I walked for a while until there were no cars. Just trees, old sheds, and grass. Lots of it. I figured this was a good place to sit and rest for bit. I found a nice shady spot under an oak tree, sat down, and took a nap.

I woke with some people staring at me and a light in my eyes. I sat up quickly, I looked at my phone, dead. They didn't do anything just stared. I grabbed the flashlight that some guy was holding and started running. I started crying. I couldn't stop thinking about my friends, my family, what they would do. I thought about Caitlin and wondered if she was trying to text me. I was running, running into blackness then...

I couldn't breathe, or I thought I couldn't. I saw a light and me. But it wasn't me. I mean it was, but I wasn't me. I saw what I ran into or what hit me. I couldn't believe my eyes. "Put me back! I can't do this! Put my back!" I shouted hoping something would happen. Nothing did. After a bit I investigated the light and blacked out.

I couldn't tell if I was alive or not. I didn't try to move, breathe, or anything. I didn't see anything, it was black. I heard voices, but I still couldn't see anything. "Just let me die already." I didn't care, I wanted all of it to end. I didn't want to wake up. I didn't want to be here. Suddenly I heard Caitlin's voice. "NO! You don't understand! She's my best friend! You have to let me see her!"

I felt at home listening to her voice but then it disappeared. I felt myself drifting away again. "4 pints lost, she's not going to make it, is she?" Her voice, she was crying. I wanted to scream, I wanted to let her know I was okay, that I could hear her. I tried to do everything I could to let her know I was still here. "Brooke, I love you. I'll miss you." She said crying. I couldn't stand it, I needed to tell her I was still here, but I couldn't.

I wanted to die but I also wanted to tell Caitlin I was still here, but I didn't know how. I needed to tell her I missed her. I wanted to know she was there for me. I didn't want to go back home. I didn't want to face my parents. I didn't want them to come here. "Will you please not let her parents know?" It's like she could hear me, like she knew I didn't want them here. "Miss, we have to let an adult know" "No! No, you don't, it's okay. I have a feeling she doesn't want anyone but me to know." I tried to move but nothing happened. I couldn't believe this. I was in a fucking coma; Caitlin was scared shitless and my parents probably didn't even know I left. I wanted out; I didn't want to be there. In a coma, in the fucking hospital, on the planet. I wanted to disappear, but not this way.

I remembered all the things Caitlin did for me. She got me through all the hard times, and the good times. The times I was scared and the times I just didn't want to be myself. When things got bad, I stayed at her house. One times I remember I stayed there for a month because of my parents.

I couldn't leave her. She was my friend, sister, twin. If anyone could make me smile, it was her. She's done so much for me; I can't leave her now. I heard the nurse, barely. "I'm sorry but -" her voice faded. I was fading, I could hear sobbing. I saw a bright light, then everything went black.