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I was new at school. My first day of high school and I didn't know anyone. I sat in the back of all my classes while everyone else sat with their friends. In my first hour I saw this girl sitting alone in the corner of the class room. I didn't move I just sat there and looked at her. She messed with her fingers and occasionally looked at her phone.

"Good morning ladies and gents!" the teacher said as he walked in and put his coffee on his desk. "My name is Mr. Crawford but you can call me Mr. C." A student in the front raised his hand, "Crawford like lobster?" The class reacted with small chuckles and some head shakes. Mr. C laughed and replied "No, that's crawfish." He passed out papers for us to look at and take home to sign, then called roll. When he got to my name, I was still looking at the girl who was sitting alone, looking nervous. "Alex Pickman" I didn't respond. "Alex Pickman" he said again, I shook out of my daze "Oh uh here" I said as I raised my hand. I looked back over at the girl, who was now looking at me. I shot my head down hoping I wasn't as red as I felt. He called a few more names then hers. "Hannah Tippet", I looked up to see who had a beautiful yet common name. She quietly raised her hand and nervously muttered "Here." I kept looking but now she knows where I sit, she occasionally looked at me. I observed her between glances. She would mess with her fingers then her hair, check her phone then look at me. Once she caught me, she looked down and got on her phone.

After class as everyone rushed out the door, I looked for Hannah, I got outside the door and waited to see if she would come out. A couple more people came out and I decided to leave and forget it. As I turned around to walk to my next class, I saw her standing with her friends and a guy which I'm assuming was her boyfriend. I walked quickly passed her, but she seemed to grab my arm before I was able to pass. "Hey, you're Alex, right?" I nodded my head nervously. "I'm Hannah, but you already know that. This is Jake." She pointed to the guy holding her waist. I nodded again and started to walk off to my next class. "Alex wait" she walked towards me and put her hand on my arm. "Come eat lunch with us, it'll be fun." I noticed her friends all walked off while she was basically telling me to join them. I looked back at her before replying and she smiled. I nodded and smiled back. She let her hand slowly fall of my arm and went off with Jake, her hair swaying as she walked. I turned on my heel and quickly got to my next class.

Lunched rolled by and as I walked into the lunchroom, I almost immediately spotted Hannah. I walked over to her and put my bag down in the chair across from where she was sitting. She looked up from her phone and jumped up almost throwing her phone in the process. "Alex! It's just us today, Jake decided to go with his friends, but he promised to bring me coffee." She crossed her fingers as she told me. Her big hazel eyes glistening from the cafeteria lights. "You look pale." She got an almost worried look. I reached for my phone out of my jacket and replied "What?" I checked the time, put it down, and looked back at her. "You look really pale, are you okay?" I noticed she was gripping her phone like someone was going to take it. "Oh yeah, I didn't eat breakfast so I'm starving, food?" I responded pointing to the food line. She giggled and nodded her head. I kept glancing at the way she was gripping her phone. Odd. She then started talking to me like I've known her for years. I wasn't listening as much as I should've been, but my head was pounding, it was hard to focus on anything. I was looking at my feet when I heard her say my name. "Alex, are you ready to order?" I looked up and suddenly it was my turn. "Oh uh.." I ordered my food and patiently waited while she got hers.

She was quiet walking back to the table, "You don't talk much, do you?" I could feel her eyes trying to get a response as I was staring at my food. I kind of laughed and said, "Well first day you know how that goes." I looked up at her and smiled. She smiled back and put her hand closer to mine. "Well, you can consider me a friend on your first day. So, tell me about yourself miss Alex." She used her other hand to twirl her fork around her plate while still piercing me with her eyes. I looked down again and softly replied, "My story isn't worth knowing." I pulled my hand away from hers and grabbed my drink. She stopped twirling and put her fork down. "Why?" She had that almost worried look again. "If we're going to be friends that would be a good place to start, right?" She put her hand against her face and waited. I swallowed about half of my drink before replying looking at a bruise on her arm. "Why don't you tell me about yourself first?", as I pointed to it with my drink.

As I was waiting for a reply, one of her friends came and sat down with her food and started gossiping about something. I put my head down and started eating. I thought, maybe if I stay quiet, they'll leave me alone. I was wrong. I sat up to check my phone and her friend shot a look at me. "Oh, I saw you in the hallway this morning. Hi, I'm Emily." She said proudly and smiling. I choked as I could feel my heart speed up. I apologized, grabbed my bag, and left.

Everything started flooding back into my head. The screaming, crying, begging. I could hear my heart beat, my stomach was in my throat, tears in my eyes. I quickly walked out and to the restrooms. I sat on the floor and tried to calm myself down before reaching for my phone. I held it in my hands and unlocked it. I still had pictures of us when we were happy. Before I decided to go off the deep end. I pulled up her contact information. The messages we had were all still there. Good, bad, and the worst. I started to type, "Emily I'm really sorry, please let me make it up to you. Coffee? Your favorite place?" There was tears now, on my hands, pants, and my phone. I wanted to delete it, but I didn't. I hit sent. Those moments of waiting were like knives cutting through me. Ding! I quickly checked my phone, but it wasn't her, it was my boss telling me I needed to come in tonight as someone called in. I replied telling him I would be there. I wiped my face, turned off my phone and stood up. Looking in the mirror, I don't look like myself. Red, puffy eyed, smeared eyeliner. I washed my face in the sink and took a minute to breathe. "Alex, you're okay. You'll be okay." I told myself before standing up straight and walking out the door.

I didn't know whether to stay or go home. I went to the office and told them I threw up and needed to go home. They acted like they didn't care and told me I could go. I got in my car and pulled out my cigarettes. A horrible habit I picked up in my downward spiral. I drove off campus, cigarette in my mouth, radio up all the way to drown out my thoughts. I couldn't help myself, the tears started coming down harder. I pulled up to my tiny studio apartment. I sat there in the parking lot trying not to fight with my emotions. I opened the door and threw my bag over my shoulder. "You got this" I kept telling myself as I'm walking to my door. I slowly opened the very squeaky door to my empty and dark apartment. The blackout curtains really do the trick when you want to drown yourself in depression. Flipping on my light, I put my bag down on the floor and sat on my bed. I turned on my phone hoping for a text from Emily, nothing.