Psyche logo

im not happy

why is it so easy to feel alone?

By ChantelPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
Like
im not happy
Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash

At this moment and time of my life,

My tinnitus has gotten progressively worse. I constantly am noticing the ringing in my ear.

I have saved a good junk of money for someone my age but I am not happy.

80k. At 22. I thought I'd be happy about that. But I am not. I know it can benefit me in the future if I do decide that I want to retire early, but at this moment? I'm not enjoying my present.

Spending time with friends brings momentary happiness.

I no longer enjoy the company of my family. I'm around them too much with my work from home job that I barely even acknowledge their presence now.

I keep falling in and out of the exercise pattern.

I have stopped dating for the time being because the men I date deserve better than to date an emotionally unavailable woman.

And I deserve better than to give out my time temporarily and not thoroughly enjoy it in the process.

I've narrowed down who I see so extremely that I have only been seeing my friends Sarah and Nick.

They are the only two that I enjoy being around.

SF has a dream job that I would love to have, but I still have many vacations that I planned prior and can not just say yes. They need the replacement within the next 2 weeks.

I am not enjoying my sales role in particular, but am appreciative of the fact that it allows me to go on remote vacations.

I want to keep both job roles but I do not know if that is possible.

I have so many lies mixed up and too many side jobs to count that I will need to quit some to simply enjoy my day to day life.

But my day to day life is boring- hence why I choose to at least work to do something with my time.

I feel like the same state that I was prior to dating Missouri. Just a state of boredness.

Maybe I will feel different after my vacation to Hawaii. And if I am able to get this job role.

I realize what I am missing is in depth connections. That is what always have brought me the most happiness and I am no longer meeting new people.

Working remotely, it has been difficult.

I miss hanging out with Jasmine.

Can someone pray for me?

I don't know what I want, but I also know it can't be this for much longer.

Maybe I am experiencing a burn out. Or just boredom.

My grandfather is in the hospital and I don't desire to see them. My grandma lives so close and has helped me out so much yet I also don't desire to see her.

I don't want to see anyone I know that is family- I want people my age or people of different lives.

I want a new friend again. Am I only able to be happy when I feel connected to someone romantically?

I just don't know anymore.

At this moment I just feel sick of being alive.

Like I'm not happy. I feel fat and that is all my fault.

I'm kind of just bored with life.

I'm going on vacation soon and am excited about that.

Like for real why am I on this planet.

Like do I miss Missouri? Or am I just bored with life again?

Maybe I really do just need a change of scenery. Maybe I really should move to Texas. Just try something different.

I just want to feel connected to people again.

coping
Like

About the Creator

Chantel

I range from social justice issues to sexuality articles, all depends on my mood.

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.