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im not happy

why is it so easy to feel alone?

By ChantelPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
im not happy
Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash

At this moment and time of my life,

My tinnitus has gotten progressively worse. I constantly am noticing the ringing in my ear.

I have saved a good junk of money for someone my age but I am not happy.

80k. At 22. I thought I'd be happy about that. But I am not. I know it can benefit me in the future if I do decide that I want to retire early, but at this moment? I'm not enjoying my present.

Spending time with friends brings momentary happiness.

I no longer enjoy the company of my family. I'm around them too much with my work from home job that I barely even acknowledge their presence now.

I keep falling in and out of the exercise pattern.

I have stopped dating for the time being because the men I date deserve better than to date an emotionally unavailable woman.

And I deserve better than to give out my time temporarily and not thoroughly enjoy it in the process.

I've narrowed down who I see so extremely that I have only been seeing my friends Sarah and Nick.

They are the only two that I enjoy being around.

SF has a dream job that I would love to have, but I still have many vacations that I planned prior and can not just say yes. They need the replacement within the next 2 weeks.

I am not enjoying my sales role in particular, but am appreciative of the fact that it allows me to go on remote vacations.

I want to keep both job roles but I do not know if that is possible.

I have so many lies mixed up and too many side jobs to count that I will need to quit some to simply enjoy my day to day life.

But my day to day life is boring- hence why I choose to at least work to do something with my time.

I feel like the same state that I was prior to dating Missouri. Just a state of boredness.

Maybe I will feel different after my vacation to Hawaii. And if I am able to get this job role.

I realize what I am missing is in depth connections. That is what always have brought me the most happiness and I am no longer meeting new people.

Working remotely, it has been difficult.

I miss hanging out with Jasmine.

Can someone pray for me?

I don't know what I want, but I also know it can't be this for much longer.

Maybe I am experiencing a burn out. Or just boredom.

My grandfather is in the hospital and I don't desire to see them. My grandma lives so close and has helped me out so much yet I also don't desire to see her.

I don't want to see anyone I know that is family- I want people my age or people of different lives.

I want a new friend again. Am I only able to be happy when I feel connected to someone romantically?

I just don't know anymore.

At this moment I just feel sick of being alive.

Like I'm not happy. I feel fat and that is all my fault.

I'm kind of just bored with life.

I'm going on vacation soon and am excited about that.

Like for real why am I on this planet.

Like do I miss Missouri? Or am I just bored with life again?

Maybe I really do just need a change of scenery. Maybe I really should move to Texas. Just try something different.

I just want to feel connected to people again.


About the Creator


I range from social justice issues to sexuality articles, all depends on my mood.

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