I Survived a Mental Hospital

The title sounds kind of intimidating... right? From all of the cliché horror stories you’ve probably heard, there’s no wonder why you’re here. Are all of those creepy stories true? What is it REALLY like in those places?

The only time I looked up articles on “experiences in mental hospitals” was when I was debating on whether or not to admit myself. So, I know that the majority of people who are reading this are anxious and scared. Let’s take a moment. Inhale... and exhale. Let me reassure you that everything is going to be OK. I am proud that you’ve come this far. And to ease your mind, my experience is no horror story.

Let me begin by explaining why I was even thinking about admitting myself. My life has been a whirlwind of crazy experiences, having both amazing outcomes and traumatic ones. For the past few months it was as if the traumatic experiences were winning. BIG time. It was all so overwhelming, so anxiety-inducing, and causing so much depression. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I had to do something about it... and I knew killing myself wasn’t the right answer. Even if at the time it felt like my only option. Let’s be honest here, when we’re feeling suicidal, it’s not that we want to die... it’s that we just don’t want the life we’re currently living.

And that’s why on June 20th at 8:30AM, I drove myself to the nearest ER, and with tears uncontrollably rolling down my face, I told the receptionist that I was suicidal. And that was the start of my recovery.

They took my vitals then led me into an empty room with only a hospital bed. I put on green scrubs that said “psych” on the back, and they locked up my belongings in a cabinet for my own protection. I was asked so many questions by so many people, which was, you guessed it, very anxiety-inducing. I continued on crying and panicking, which resulted in them giving me a strong dose of Benadryl to calm me down (and put me to sleep). A social worker who had talked to me decided that the best course of action for my situation was to admit me in-patient at a mental health facility. I woke up to find my dad sitting in the room with me, reassuring me that everything was going to be okay.

Around 2PM I was driven to the facility about half an hour away. The belongings that I brought with me to the hospital were in the trunk of the car. I was still wearing the hospital scrubs, and I was still so anxious. Is this place a legitimate loony bin? Am I going to be locked up in a secluded room forever? I didn’t know what to expect. The hospital gave me a pamphlet of the place, but I don’t remember reading it, probably because of the Benadryl.

When we arrived at the mental health facility they took me and my belongings into a room that had a few chairs in it, a painting on the wall, and a TV set. Again, they locked my belongings in a cabinet, my vitals were taken, and I was asked a ton of questions. They also provided me with a turkey sandwich, goldfish crackers, and water (which is probably a good thing since I hadn’t eaten all day). I was in that room for a solid three hours, filling out paperwork and trying to stay calm. Nearing the end of that three hours I had the opportunity to use my cell phone where I called my mom and messaged a few people to let them know that I was safe. So far, so good. I haven’t found anything too scary about this place yet.

At about 5:45PM I was led to an exam room where they took my vitals yet again, and I was given a physical examination. Afterward I was walked through the “unit,” AKA a large recreational room that had a nurse’s station, several tables and chairs, two TV sets, two refrigerators and water fountains, sinks and counters, some books and puzzles, several paintings on the walls, two locked doors leading to hallways, a locked door leading to an outdoor recreational area, a few doors leading to small rooms, and 14 bedroom doors. Kind of a bland and boring place, but it was safe and secure, which served its purpose.

Each bedroom had two beds, two bedside tables, two open closets, a locked window, and a private bathroom with a toilet, sink, counter, and shower. Each patient was given basic toiletries, and you could keep up to three outfits from home.

So now that you can sort of picture the place, let me show you what a typical day looked like:

6:30AM- Vitals, medications, check-ins, hygiene

8:00AM- Breakfast (hot and cold cereals to choose from, fruit, yogurt, some type of protein, juices, milk, coffee, hot cocoa)

8:30/8:45AM- Smokers and Non-Smokers outdoor time

9:00AM- Mental Wellness Group (group therapy)

10:00AM- Adjunctive Therapy (art, music therapy, etc)

11:00AM- Personal Time (relax, nap, watch TV, call loved ones)

12:00PM- Lunch (usually consisting of fruit, salad, some type of carb, and some type of protein. One of the yummiest lunches I had was meatloaf and mashed potatoes, believe it or not!)

12:30/12:45PM- Smokers/Non-Smokers outdoor time

1:00PM- Adjunctive Therapy

2:00PM- Mental Wellness Group

3:00/3:15PM- Smokers/Non-Smokers outdoor time

3:30PM- Fitness (there was a gym with three treadmills, three stationary bikes, and three ellipticals)

4:15PM- Spirituality group, tai chi, personal time, something of that sort

5:30PM- Dinner (usually some carbs, protein, veggies, and chocolate milk! My favorite dinner meal was chicken and rice with mushroom gravy)

6:00/6:15PM- Smokers/Non-Smokers outdoor time

6:30PM- Games in unit, movie night, personal time

8:00PM- Vitals, medications, check-ins, hygiene

8:30/8:45PM- Smokers/Non-Smokers outdoor time

10:00PM- Lights Out

So as you can see, we had an easy to follow schedule. Three meals a day planned out on a weekly menu, five 15-minute outdoor times where you could play basketball, throw a foam football around, or lay in the grass, and we had four 1-hour long therapy groups. With about 20 patients in the unit that you saw practically 24/7, it was easy to get to know my peers and become comfortable. I even exchanged phone numbers with a few people!

I stayed here until June 29th, so about nine days. I had an easy daily schedule plus ample amount of personal time to do puzzles, journal, nap, watch TV, call my parents, and do whatever else I saw fit. I would see a nurse at least twice a day, as well as a doctor several times throughout my stay. I was also offered several types of medications to ease my mood or help me sleep when necessary.

The purpose of being in-patient at a mental health facility is so you have a safe place to be when it seems like there’s no where else to go. The facility I stayed at made me feel safe and welcome, and I am grateful that I made the decision to go to the ER that day.

Being in-patient gave me a break from the outside world. No cell phone, no drama, and nothing to worry about. Everyone I met was an average person just like me, trying to find their way through life. The mental wellness groups taught us coping strategies and ways to control our emotions in healthy ways. In the adjunctive therapy groups we sang songs, played games, and created art. I even tried out tai chi while I was there! Twice a week they had a spirituality group (completely optional!) where we talked about anything, we sang hymns, and we prayed. This place also offered yoga and pet therapy on occasion, but I didn’t get a chance to do those.

Overall I’d say that I did not have a horror movie experience. I’m glad that I was there. It gave me the push I needed to start bettering myself. And, I’m still on the road to recovery. I’m currently in a partial hospitalization program where I’m in a therapy group for 4.5 hours a day, five days a week, and then in a little while it will go down to three days a week, and then eventually I’ll find myself a personal therapist that I’ll see once a week. My recovery is just beginning, but at least I’m hitting the road.

If your gut is telling you that you need immediate help, then please, go out and get it. I know it’s scary, but it will be worth it. Go to the nearest ER, call 911, find a psychiatric hospital, talk to a therapist, or simply talk to someone you trust. Do SOMETHING. I know, it’s easier said than done... but you can do it! You will make it through this rough patch. I believe in you.