I see the moon and the moon sees me.

I've had quite the week. My CBT is going well and this week we went exploring my past trying to pin point where I learnt my rules for living by came from. Childhood of course!

I was talking to my counsellor about my history of not going to school (eventually leaving when I was 14 to be home schooled) and I went right back to when I was about 4 and in reception at school. I had terrible eczema on both my arms and around my lips. So bad that the school contacted my parents asking if I had some accident and burned myself. Whilst talking about this with my counsellor I began to cry. It took me by surprise as I didn't think I felt that emotional about it. Turns out I do.

I don't think I've talked about it to anyone really in depth, mainly because I've not thought about it much and as the years roll on it becomes further away. But as I spoke about my parents wrapping my arms up in bandages at night so I wouldn't rip the skin off my bones to relieve the itching, I felt a wave of tears plunge down my cheeks.

Wait, how is this related to the moon? I've felt pretty strange all week, only today realising we had a full moon (sorry for tmi but my period has also synced up with this for added crazy). I have joked to my friends and family that I am influenced by the moon and it's phases, and this week has done nothing but strengthen my strange belief that the moon and I are some how connected.

Back to eczema. After my session I felt exhausted, like you do after a good cry. I felt lighter for having talked about it probably fully for the first time but would I of been so emotional had it not been for the moon? Maybe. Now the eczema went away as fast as it appeared if I remember right, but those first few months of school I know people commented on it, and although I can't specifically remember anyone being mean I expect some children said things to make me feel uncomfortable. Kids hey.

I don't know if this was the beginning of my dislike for school but it was certainly a good place to start if I'm ever going to understand why I had such a bad time of just going to school. I wasn't bullied, I had friends (many I am still close with) and I was pretty bright. But towards the end (I made it to year 10) I lost all interest and would do anything not to be there.

Hopefully next week I will get to uncover some more, it would be nice to understand it a bit more and take the first steps in trying to edit my way of thinking and behaving.

To top up the self absorbed ramble I've not been sleeping much. I've created a pretty cozy spot on the reclining sofa and blanket and having some youtube in the background till I drop off usually in the early hours. Now I know hormones have a play around with my sleep, and now I believe that the full moon we had this week played a part in it. As it begins to wain I can now sleep.

I've always been more active in the evening, ideas, thoughts, everything seems to channel through when the sun goes down. My friend calls me a werewolf, she even bought me a moon clock so I can keep an eye on my changes.

I see you moon