I don't know what to write about

I have no idea what to write about. I've had topics literally every other day except for today. My brain is coming up with absolutely nothing. I've heard that I was a good writer, and I usually don't get writers block, but this time, something is different.

I also just woke up from a nap and I have my first class for modeling and I'm slightly nervous. The first mini paragraph I wrote around two days ago, I've been slowly losing some motivation and inspiration, but I'm still here. I've also been kinda busy, but that's just life. But, for right now, I'm just focused on filling the word count so I can publish this story. I'm still working on that thriller story I mentioned once or twice before, I was editing it yesterday. I'm just not sure what to write about.

I'm also taking into consideration how lazy I can get. Sometimes I can work hard and get things done quickly and it's great. But sometimes, actually pretty often, I'll start getting tired, my sleep schedule will become more screwed up and I'll lost motivation. That, my friends and parents(they read my stories) is why I sometimes don't get things done. BUT DON'T WORRY, I'm not depressed. I repeat, I don't need therapy. I used to have it and I got through everything I needed to before, I'm fine now. Thanks to everyone who is/was worried.

Right now, as I'm writing this, I'm REALLY tired. And by tired, I mean I'm sleepy as hell. I just woke up from a nap around an hour ago and it takes me FOREVER to wake up completely. I'm not going back to sleep because I have my first modeling class in about an hour and a half and I know for a fact that if I try to go take another nap, I won't wake up for it. I'm a very heavy sleeper, one time I was asleep and I was so deep into it, I didn't hear the gunfire right outside my window. I don't wake up to almost anything. If you know me in real life and you absolutely have to wake me up for something, you have to be physical. I have a friend, Jenna, and once I was asleep and I made plans beforehand to hang out that day. So she came in my house and jumped on my bed with me in it. So, lesson learned, I only wake up when my brain tells me to, physically waking me up, and I sometimes(VERY rarely) I wake up to an alarm.

On a different note, someone on my Instagram contacted me and asked why I haven't been posting. Being honest, it's because I just have a lot going on with my mental health. I realized that I shouldn't be afraid to talk about it because it's completely normal. Not sure if any of you know, I've had depression, anxiety and other things for years. I've been through therapy before, and I'm fine now. One major thing that happened was my boyfriend and I broke up, so technically he would be my ex. Don't worry, he and I are now best friends. But we realized that we're not ready to be in a relationship right now, and that's ok. I'm in the process of thinking about it, learning to get through it, but I'm doing ok. He and I agreed that we still love each other, but now is not the right time. Neither of us are financially or mentally stable and the relationship added more stress. We hope, if we're financially stable and more figured out, that next summer we can meet and discuss getting back together.

But, for now, I am single. I don't think I plan on dating anyone in between, for multiple reasons. One, because I still love Jayson, so right now I can't. Two, because I'm not mentally or financially stable to be in a relationship right now. I need to focus on myself and making myself a better and more productive person so I can succeed. I promised Jayson I would wait for him and I to be ready again. Long distance was hard and it usually doesn't work out. I want it to work out because I love him, but that can't be right now. Unfortunately it has to be later in life. I'm still grieving and realizing that we're still going to talk. Basically, if you're still confused, we're starting over. Being friends again and taking it slow, because we also realized that we were going too fast.

I hope you understand. This story specifically has taken me multiple days to write and I just haven't had the motivation to write anything else. Most of this story is spread out, which is why it was random and why it went from modeling, to alarm clocks and finally, my recent breakup. People who know me personally would know that I don't do well with a big change in my life. Getting kicked out in February, my modeling, college, ending of a relationship, all the things that have changed this year have been tough to cope with and handle, especially with what I've dealt with. But, in the end, I know I'll be ok. Thank you to whoever likes my stories. I will try to write as often as possible, until next time :)