I Am the Honey Badger

I have scars on my arm put there by me. After being hospitalized over 20 times, you would expect a lot more than there are. Or you would expect a lot worse fate for myself. Fortunately, I made it through. But, not without help from professionals and support from the people who care about me.

My scars bothered me for a long time. It’s hard to parade around the world and appear to be happy, then have someone look at your arm and question your happiness. Yes, this was my past. No, this is not who I am.

I am a 22-year-old girl with depressive type schizoaffective disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Insomnia. I am on many medications and a monthly injection. I cannot name each of the therapists and psychiatric doctors I have seen, nor do I remember the exact amount of times I’ve been to a psych ward. I have made it through all of that and still, I can make it through more.

I am a honey badger. For those of you who do not know, honey badgers are notorious for their ability to survive attacks from swarms of bees, snakes, and even hyenas. Porcupine quills and a bee’s stinger cannot penetrate their abnormally thick skin. A snake’s venom cannot kill a honey badger either. After a honey badger kills and consumes a snake, the venom will cause it to fall asleep for a short while to recuperate, then wake up to be as strong as ever.

My mom recently asked me to associate one word with myself and I chose the word, “perseverance.” Along with all my diagnoses, I have been molested as a child and raped as a young adult. I have watched people leave my side because of my own difficulties that they did not want to help me deal with. I have had to quit jobs, change schools, and turn my life around. I have persevered. I do not think of myself as brave though, but that’s okay. The honey badger is also not brave. I was never desperate, but neither was the honey badger. We both did what we needed to do to be fine with ourselves.

Honey badgers and I have a lot in common. I too can survive venomous bites, or harsh actions taken against me from others. After a bite, all I would need to do is take a step back, cope, and be on my way. Lions are just people who think they are bigger than you. I am powerful enough to roar right back, but I am steady enough not to lose my temper. If the bees want to come get me, let them come. My thick skin and I will be waiting.

So, on my forearm is a beautiful picture of a badger. Funny story, it’s not a honey badger. I found the perfect artist, perfect picture of what I wanted, but it wasn’t of the perfect animal. On my forearm is a beautiful, regular English badger. And I absolutely love it. Life gives you what it gives you, and for me, it gave me this picture of a darling English badger and intricate dandelions that I painfully requested. I even had my tattoo put on upside down. It’s for me to look at. I want to look at my forearm and be proud of my story every day.

Both sessions took about eight or nine hours total, and my artist says she has ideas for more if I’m interested, but it has been so worth it. The money, time, and pain were all worth it.

In the end, my scars are covered, and I am free of my past. No longer is my happiness questioned when I’m skipping down the street or dancing for no reason.

I have this tribute to my own story and I’m so proud.