How I Beat Social Anxiety and Became Confident With Myself

Today, we proudly admit our introverted life and go about our daily business to socialize and order items online. The internet has made it easy for us to see social anxiety as normal.

However, social anxiety becomes a problem when it gets intense and happens more frequently, disrupting the important things in your life.

Social anxiety is when you feel nervous, tense, or uncomfortable in social situations because you are afraid that other people will judge you. Almost everyone has experienced social anxiety at one time or another: from job interviews to first dates, we all feel nervous with other people from time to time.

For most of my adolescence, I was not happy with my life. I went through a great shock in my life and struggled with shame for years. In public, I always felt nervous and uncomfortable. I couldn’t visit my old friends because I was afraid they would add more salt to my injury so I cut all old ties.

The suffering, the shame, the lack of understanding from family and friends. The feeling that no one really understood what I was going through stayed bottled up inside me. But online, I could chat with people who understood my situation using an anonymous account.

Social anxiety is one of the most common anxiety disorders. In the US, studies have found that one in eight Americans experience social anxiety during their lifetime.

Sometimes your fear can appear as a negative thought, such as “I’m going to screw this up,” or “People will think I’m stupid.” These thoughts make you feel negative emotions, such as stress or worry.

If social anxiety has kept you from doing the things you want to do, like making new friends or dating, there are a few steps you can try that have helped me overcome my anxiety.

Identify the root of your anxiety

Western culture and culture has bombarded us with false idea about sexuality. Women are shamed when we express our desire for sex. Those who get pregnant out of wedlock are considered less-than and unworthy of social merit.

I knew getting pregnant as an unmarried woman would stir up misjudgments in the public eyes, so I shortened myself. I had to build my self-confidence in order to deal with social criticism.

First, I started to practice self-forgiveness. I forgave myself for all my shortcomings, past mistakes, and failures. For all my faults and imperfections, I was so ashamed of.

Then I started forgiving my friends who gossiped about me and made mock of my situation. I was in a wheelchair when I became a single mum. That gave people plenty to talk about. So I let go of my grudges when I accepted the turn my life had taken.

Try to reduce the negative thoughts

There were a few people who helped me regain my confidence again, and I owe my success to them. One of them sent me a motivational book by Zig Ziglar, “See You at the Top.” This book shared stories of people who became famous after surviving a life-changing experience.

After I read the book, I joined Twitter and started following Zig Ziglar, Joyce Meyer, Paula White, and Joel Osteen. The more I listened to these motivational speakers, the more I let go of the negative thoughts that made me hate myself.

I was determined to transform my life, no matter what it took. Every time I slacked, I would pick up myself again. I persevered.

My healing didn’t come overnight. Every day I took one step forward to get rid of the stress and anxiety. Persistently and consistently, I repeated some of the daily affirmations I wrote down to remind myself of my true inner worth.

Have one close confidant

Overcoming social anxiety isn’t something you should work on by yourself. I wish I had known this when I was going through my transition.

I kept my anxiety and depression to myself and tried to deal with it alone. Sometimes, it would seem as if I was making progress, then one thing happens, and I was back to square one.

Like the first time, I joined Facebook (now Metaverse). An old childhood friend had convinced me to get in touch with some of our schoolmates.

I took her advice and created an account on Facebook. Seeing that most of my friends were much better off than me, I had a relapse. I felt embarrassed and quickly deleted my account. If I had someone I could relate to, I’m sure I would have handled the situation differently.

Show more compassion to yourself

For a long time, I judged myself harshly. I never believed I could earn respect from anyone no matter what I did.

This is exactly how social anxiety affects my thinking. It’s very hard to change your way of thinking when you feel it helps you stay focused and efficient.

Even when I reconciled with the old friends I had cut off, I still did not believe they had changed their perception of me. When I graduated and got a job, I still couldn’t accept that I was worthy of recognition.

Overcoming my social anxiety gave me a new personality. I developed a fearless-based belief system. I learned not to be afraid of judgment and criticism. With an unshaken sense of self-confidence, the way I present myself, people often get intimidated.

No humiliation, flaw or imperfection can ever diminish my intrinsic worth. I told myself I was lovable, valuable, and good enough, worth as much as anyone else.

Now I can meet other people with confidence, open up to them and let them in because I am no longer ashamed of myself. I don’t judge myself anymore. I don’t have to hide anymore.

Parting words

Social anxiety and other mental health problems can be overcome, stigmas can be erased, and the mental health conversation can be embraced. You don’t have to be ashamed to talk about your fear.

There is no need to feel unworthy, nor should you be afraid to associate with people.

Knowing what caused your social anxiety is an important first step toward healing and empowering relationships with those around you.

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About author

Jessey Anthony is a motivational speaker, fitness coach and relationship expert who helps people become confident in themselves in any challenges they face in life. Sign up to my newsletter & more cool stuff.

Connect with me on Linkedin, Twitter, and Quora.

This article appeared here.