How do you stop being self-critical?

The first thing that pulled me into this situation was the never-ending comparison level.

Compared with my peers around me. Compare with high school classmates, compare with college classmates, compare with company colleagues, compare with former colleagues, compare with new friends, and compare with siblings.

Constantly reset the starting point, as long as I once stood on the same starting line with my peers, to compare a comparison.

Among them, some people progressed faster than me and left me behind, so I felt like crap.

Of course, there are also some people who seem to be "left behind" by me, others praise me for my excellence, and I also feel that I "look good". But this kind of secret joy psychology is because the motive is not pure and with some kind of darkness, so even the happiness is short and bitter. And the next time you meet more and better peers are quickly crushed, again feeling like crap.

And even fall into a circle that is almost impossible to break. That is, when others think you're good, you think it's because they're not as good as you. So those "good" comments do not have any positive effect on you. Your eyes are always on those who have more light in front of you. And in their contrast, you are too bad.

At the same time, deepening this comparison level is a single evaluation criterion. It is nothing but money and fame. Who earns more money than who, what is the social status, and what is the level of education? The details and realities that makeup life itself are ignored and compressed in such comparisons. It is condensed into a small dot representing the result. And then see whose dots are bigger. It seems that the whole meaning of life lies in this.

What is even more disturbing is that this comparison is often accompanied by comparing the strengths of others with their weaknesses. It's as if you're deliberately trying to get in trouble with yourself. Frankly speaking, I certainly know that I have made achievements in some areas, and I know what I am good at and what my strengths are. But I have a clear self-awareness, but I can't help but feel like my life is a mess when I see other people having a good time.

I think it's hard for me to say what kind of psychology this is, but there seem to be some hidden triggers in there, that is, other people's families, successful careers, and life in style, regardless of the eyes of others. Once tied to these, they are like deflated balloons, the original fullness has run away, become dry, and powerless. External achievements and labels can make me blow up a full balloon, but if there is no root recognition and appreciation of their own lives, it is easy to burst.

It seems impossible to be free as long as you remain in comparison. The path is one without end and one that is meaningless and self-entangled.

You have to find a way to reconstruct your life.

Inspired by the Buddhist saying, "One mind opens two doors," I try to think in terms of both reason and emotion.

If one can control oneself completely with reason, the problem can be solved easily. First of all, the more people you meet, the more you will find that the comparison between people is an unreasonable and unfounded thing. Even if it seems to be on a starting line, the environment, personality, experience, and luck of each other are still very different, not just by a sentence I worked hard can be all-inclusive. The effort is a much smaller factor than I previously thought. With so many factors beyond my control, it's self-defeating to compare with others who are better off. When you are happy, think about your achievements today is not just how strong you are, but family, personality, luck, and many other external factors have helped you. Likewise, when disappointed to see other people's spirits, you do not have to blame yourself how useless, but others may have met the right time point or a valuable person. This two-phase balance, to get a sober cognition, is neither too arrogant nor needs to be presumptuous.

Again, the pursuit of money and power is driven by nature, there is nothing wrong with this. But we should chase a little more openly, a little more far-sighted, not on an acre of land around, always staring at the cake on someone else's plate. Rather, we should create more from the world. This is also an excellent way to avoid comparing internal consumption. Focus on things, focus on yourself, and keep your eyes on those places where you have the power to strike. I've met many people who have had a lot of fun engaging with the world. Although they seem to be working hard for 10+ hours a day, they are having fun. They are often free from emotional internal conflict and entanglement and instead focus on practicing things. Although there is also a back and forth, success and failure, in the back and forth between the focus, the flow of the heart and achievement is generated.

In this analysis, the choice of "not comparing" is the right thing to do. But the problem is that rationality is often only momentary relief, a momentary clarity of thought, but not a real state of mind. This is when emotion and awareness are needed to help.

I often feel from the perspective of energy. Whether one feels stronger than others or others are stronger than oneself, it is a very low level of energy. It is clogged, petty, and unclear. Often when I think this way, I feel like I'm shrinking into a tiny ball, picking holes in the wall. It's such a picture. But once it detaches itself and stops. The mind regains its loftiness and the hands stretch out. Dive a few more times into this kind of energy comparison and you won't trap yourself again.

To go a little deeper is to feel good about my life for no reason at all. Even if I'm having a bad time at the moment, even if I'm disheveled, I have to love my life from the bottom of my heart. What one must do to feel good about one's life is itself an unreasonable derivation. Because it is also endless. The human quest, the human greed, with 1 to 2, with 2 to 3. To love your life as much as you love life itself. Life does not need anyone's approval to exist, it is priceless in itself. So is life. This state is difficult to explain through reason, but as soon as it is sometimes embodied, it can be reached and maintained, and there will be no going back to the past. It is an unreserved, certainty of life and self.

Imagine a state where you focus only on reclaiming, watering, growing, and blossoming your world. There are no outside cages or shackles, taking away the restrictions you put on yourself layer by layer, and you are bathed in an atmosphere of freedom, stretching in the sun. What a refreshing feeling it will be!

Grow into a tree. Take root and flourish. In the face of wind and rain or dry weather, perhaps the branches wither, the leaves wither, but the roots take hold, it will not shake, will grow again. Vitality and abundance, from now on, always accompany around.