How Do You Do It?

Recently I attended my local community's monthly soup night to show support not only for our towns vets but for a new organization called Alliance for Hope. If your not familiar with Alliance for Hope it's an organization that helps family and communities find helpful resources to understand, cope, prevent and heal after a loss of a suicide and provide support to survivors. For a small town of not much more than 300 people a loss of our youth and older members of the community is devastating.

The community has come to realize that there is a need to educate about depression and anxiety and the lack of understanding on how to deal with and spot those whom may be to shy to come forward and ask for help, as we are a community that has relied on ranching and the oilfield for our lively hood. The "cowboy up, take it like a man, keep problems in the family, you have big shoulders, men don't cry" mentality is the norm.

I was amazed, not to mention the amazing types of soups we had to choice from, but with that old fashion family vibe of young and old community members together. I really never thought a small town such as this would begin to pull so tightly to support this cause. I wish I had access to this new idea during my lowest.

I was approached by a gentleman that wanted to be introduced to me. After the introduction he stated that he wanted to meet me and thank me for being a positive, happy, supportive person despite my own tough hardships. He has heard people speak about me with admiration, which I might add was a shock. I have had some very rough times these past few years. My diagnosis of MS. Dealing with chronic pain and fatigue. Issues with heat and cognitive abilities. Issues with mobility. The heart break any mother has losing a child. The realization that you will never be a grandma. The taunting envy I feel when I see others my age cuddling a newborn grand child.

Yes depression and anxiety was/ is a huge part of my life. I, like many others turned to alcohol to easy pain. To stop living for that moment. To stop feeling physical pain. Emotional pain.

I was afraid to find help. I believed I could do this on my own and "cowboy up," but I was so wrong.

How do you do it? I acknowledged to myself that I am me. I did not hide the fact I was in pain, I hurt, I am having a bad day. I drink to much. I am not fine. I told people. Every one heard stories of my deceased son and how much I miss him. I stopped hiding. I am still over weight. I did not care about those that where out to judge me. I came to terms that what I do in my life is my own and I will pay the piper in the long run. Those who talk must need something to talk about and are having their own issues or feeling their own anxiety. This town is small and news is news even if it's a rumor.

Then I asked for help from my friends and family. I understood that (I) was me and those who accept me for me was my support. My support was my strength and through them is how today I can smile and be positive. I found my support system of positive people that live in and out of my community. I was show ways to cope. Ideas that I can use to help fight off triggers and suicidal thoughts and depression. That's why I smile. And with any smile it needs to be shared. I am not saying I am healed, I am stating that I feel more accepted and not ridiculed for sharing my feelings with other who have accepted I am me. Then I do anything I can to help make someone's day just a bit brighter.

I will gladly give out hugs. I may gently kiss you on your cheek. I may be a bit on the silly or mischievous side. I can listen and may offer some friendly advice or example. I have come to realize, for me anyway, if I just can make one person smile, make one person feel warmth, make someone enjoy a giggle or have just one "wow!" moment it just might make just one person's day. If I can make just one feel special, to feel one truly matters, even if its just for one moment... then I exist.

Depression is very real. Needing acceptance in very real. The Alliance of Hope offers a positive place, a place to be accepted. A start for your own story when someone asks you. How do you do it?