I am not picky. I am known for bringing havoc to the young and the old. It doesn't matter if you are male or female, rich or poor. I can still cause chaos wherever I go. I am Trauma and do cause terrible things to happen to people, but I don't plan on overstaying my welcome. I come and then go, but unfortunately for many, they get more of me for much longer. I stay with them throughout their childhood and into adult life, which causes so many hard times for them and others. Sometimes I get trapped in a loop and don't know what is happening. It seems like I am repeatedly happening but at different times, but then I remember that was the first time I got here, not right now. I don't know why this person would what to replay me so many times.
I know this person is no longer the same as they were when I first came. They were scared, sad, and angry too. Then, it felt like I was leaving, and they were safe again. But before I could go, I happened again. The more that I happened, and it repeated, the more they were scared, sad, and angry. They would yell and fight and sometimes hurt themselves to get me to leave. I didn't want to stay, but the cycle continued with new people each year. I came again and again. As they got older, the sad, scared, and angry tried to hide. They did more things to themselves, which kept me with them longer than ever, not allowing me to go away. They try different methods to block me out or black out themselves but it only lasted a short time and caused more devastation in their lives.
I never meant to stay around and impact their body or their mind, but they wouldn't let me leave after so many times. I was more familiar to them than anything else in their life. They knew the fear, sadness, and anger I had brought. The chaos was their day and night routine. There was very little sleep, if ever, because I replayed in their dreams and scared them awake.
They tried to get help with me but didn't know where to turn. They didn't trust many people or places in their world. One time they talked to a doctor to get help but got sad and scared that the people who brought me mom and dad would be in trouble, so they didn't say a word. The doctor knew something wasn't right, but they wouldn't speak up. They even talked to other adults, schoolteachers, and others that wanted to help. Each time they did, I came back more. They were scared, sad, and angry. They didn't trust any adults to help, only believed they caused more hurt and pain.
They got older, shared with friends, and talked to counselors in high school. I don't know what they were saying to them, but it didn't help and just caused more pain. After school came work, and they tried again to find someone to talk to about me. They spoke to counselors that told them not to think about the past and focus on the present. That didn't help because I was still with them and started in the past and brought many more of me throughout the years. The other counselors would say, "pray it away" I don't understand that message to who do you pray about me; I am Trauma. They talked to doctors and tried medication with little help. The medicine numbed the pain but let more people and things bring more of me into their life. They had to stop the medication it was no help. The older they got sicker they got too, because I am not supposed to be with anyone this long and caused their mind and body to have problems. Their body was attacking itself because of what I was doing. How do they stop now, what can they do?
Then one day, they felt completely lost with no other options or hope to try one more time to ask for help. They talked to a counselor that knew about me. I didn't know anyone knew about Trauma, but this person did. The counselor helped them to understand how I have impacted their brain and re-wired it and why they haven’t been able to get rid of me, I am Complex Trauma. I didn't know I could do this to one person. They worked a long time with the counselor. They learned about Trauma and the brain, the effects of trauma on childhood development, and dysfunctional relationships. They learned about childhood and partner abuse and how all that connected back to their childhood and original trauma. They were able to learn healthier ways to manage stressful situations. They created relationships with healthy boundaries. They no longer allowed abuse in their life. They also realized that I could go, and they would be able to manage if I ever came again. Because bad things happen to good people, I don't have to stay for long. They now have other supportive people to help them and believe in themselves to get through anything. They have been able to finally Let Go of Trauma.
Don’t let me stay to long with you.
About the Creator
I am a counselor, mother, wife, and so many other things in this life. I enjoy writing and have wanted to explore new ways to share and explore my creative side. I am excited about this next chapter and look forward too my next steps.