From Awkward to Awesome: 7 Ways To Boost Your Self-Esteem!

Self-esteem has its roots in the value we place on ourselves - basically our self-worth. It has little to do with money or material things, but a lot to do with self-perception, and is governed by how we routinely feel about ourselves. It follows that if we think very little of ourselves, with no love or self-acceptance, we would place no value on ourselves, and our self-esteem would be pretty low.

Low self-esteem and a lack of confidence reflect a strong desire for perfection, and the mistaken belief that everyone else in your world is much better than you are; a belief that there is something YOU, in particular, are lacking that sets you apart from everyone else, making you highly unworthy in relation to them. The focus is always on comparing yourself with others, and being found wanting, while you ignore your strengths and focus on your perceived weaknesses. But there is no such person as a perfect being. Every one of us has a ‘flaw’ or fault of some kind. Your low feelings stem perhaps from a lack of appreciation of your efforts, and any real value for your presence. You perhaps feel you don't matter to the people you care about, and that feeling encourages low self-esteem and personal inadequacy.

If your self esteem is low, you really need to find out why you feel so badly about yourself before you can actually do anything about it. It is likely to be one of four main reasons:

• You have no sense of belonging and feel unappreciated and rejected by the people who matter to you.
• You feel you are to blame for something that has happened within your orbit that might have affected someone negatively.
• You are not happy with what you have achieved so far and feel inadequate because of it.
• You loathe yourself, perhaps dislike parts of your body, and feel ashamed of who you are and what you see in the mirror.

Only you know what the true cause is, and that’s where you would start to take action. Once you can identify what applies to you, the process of improving your self-esteem will not seem so daunting. The problem is that improving your self-esteem is no easy task when we are all governed by our thought patterns and negative thoughts do nothing to lift us. However, a key point is that no one can like what you reject, so if you have issues with your body, you need to take action before anyone will treat you the way you wish.

The first important thing to note in the self-improvement process is that high self-esteem and self-confidence come through self-belief. If you do not believe in yourself, believe that you are as good as anyone else, or you just keep blaming yourself, not allowing your mistakes, and not being your true self in your effort to please others, you will continue to have low self-esteem because you have nothing positive to build on. However, there are seven ways you can boost your self-esteem, but it won't be too easy, especially if you have been allowing the same negative thoughts and feelings of low self-worth to guide your life so far. It will mean gradually changing your mindset.

The seven steps to take are the following (listed from the most doable):

1. Be Thankful! It is easy to focus on the negatives while completely ignoring the positives in your life. In fact, people with low self-esteem tend to take others for granted, because the focus Is always on themselves. They have little time, or love, for anyone, because they don't feel good about themselves. They have little to share with others. However, if you try to focus on the positives in your life, gradually you will start seeing LOTS to be thankful for, regardless of what you have. You will find that when you start to appreciate yourself and others, they will start valuing you, too because there is a direct connection between how we treat others, and the way we are treated. In simple terms, you cannot get the value and respect you seek, if you give none!

2. Face Your Fears. At the heart of any feelings of inadequacy is FEAR! Fear of the consequences, fear of making mistakes, fear of acting silly, fear of what others might think, fear of things going wrong, fear of being rejected…etc. But all those fears have to be faced to begin the process of self-value and appreciation, and to stop you feeling hopeless and overwhelmed.

Make a list of the major problems in your life, anything that is causing you anxiety, then spend as much time as you can listing ways to improve or change each one of them. They are never really as bad as you think they are, and the very act of writing them down, of giving them a voice, reduces tension too. Chances are that not all of your problems can be dealt with easily, or quickly, because they might involve others. But unless you change, no one else will, so it is still your responsibility to confront or address your problems. There will be some areas where you can take immediate action. Start with those, because resolving the smaller irritations will give you the satisfaction, the reinforcement, and the courage to move on to the bigger ones. Remember, the longest journey starts with that very first step. Gradually, you will improve your sense of achievement and competence and diminish the negative thoughts you have.

3. Live in the Present. There is nothing happening back there. That door is firmly closed now, because the emotional past exists only inside our heads. Nowhere else. There is no harm in remembering fond memories which make you feel good, but ditch the nasty ones. Past activities are already history and we can't change history. We can only appreciate it, reminisce on it, assess it, analyse it or celebrate it. We have to accept it and look to the future, especially if we value our lives. Welcome change, make it work for you, even if, initially, you can't see its value. The change is going to happen, with or without you, so you might as well help to pioneer it and set the trend, rather than be left behind like a fossil harking back to past ways that will never return.

4. Reach Out to Others. Find the courage to really open your heart to someone. Self-confidence is strongly related to trusting others, because our deepest secrets are often not as hidden to others as we may think. We all share the same environment and experiences, and, being part of the same humanity, there will always be common threads linking our lives with that of others. While we are unique, too, we are no more special than our family or peers. It is this desire to be perfect, to put ourselves above others, or to put ourselves down, that breeds self-shame and keeps us being distrustful. We forget that everyone around us is just as human as ourselves and is likely to share our innermost secrets.

5. Learn to be Assertive. That is, learn to express your feelings, opinions, beliefs and needs directly, openly and honestly, while being sensitive to the rights and feelings of others. Know what you want and ask for it. That's the only way your dreams will come true. It also means that people won’t take advantage of you. For example, just because you wish to express yourself to your boss or partner about something that might be bothering you, or could be sensitive, does not mean it will be automatically rejected or ignored. As long as you remember that you have the right to express your feelings, and others have the right to accept or reject them, you should go for it.

6. Saying 'No' to unreasonable requests is also a very good start to building your self-esteem. Often childhood conditioning prevents us from actually refusing what others want, regardless of its effect on us. Additionally, talking about our fears or any misunderstanding with others builds more confidence than living in an unspoken, isolated and accusatory fashion.

7. Loosen Up. If you have ever had a near death experience like I have, you will immediately appreciate the value of this statement. Once our lives are in grave danger, everything else pales into insignificance. Suddenly, things that used to matter become trivial as our priorities change, and that breath becomes the only thing that matters. Don't take life or yourself too seriously. Let your hair down and enjoy yourself, sometimes. Don't look like a failure by being morose and gloomy. There is always someone worse off than you are. Above all, people dislike those who have no humour and those who are constantly negative or miserable as they add nothing to the interaction, only repelling others, and keeping you feeling low.

You only have to think of someone you know who is disabled, very ill, deprived or even dead, and that should put your own life in perspective; to show you how fortunate you are, no matter how inadequate you might feel. Problems make you stronger, if you strive to overcome them. That is the whole point of your resolve being tested by your circumstances. In fact, to overcome hurdles and survive is the essence of life. If you can't laugh at yourself, you will always be unhappy, which will reduce the positive aura around you, isolating you even further.

These seven simple ways won’t provide a cure-all for the way you feel, but they should give an important boost to changing your perspective from a negative to a positive one, and lifting your self-esteem appreciably.

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