Four Painful Truths About Self-Growth

So, you’ve come to a place in your life where you realize you need to do some self-improvement and grow. Maybe you’ve left an unhealthy relationship, or you suffer with anxiety or depression — whatever the reason, keeping to the status quo is more detrimental to both your mental and physical health than the fear of changing ever could be.

Making that final choice to do the self-improvement; to grow is relatively easy, following through with it, however — not so much. Nothing about the process of growth is simple. As with anything in life, “straight-forward” and “simple” are rarely on life’s agenda.

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Working on knowing yourself better and setting boundaries will lead to a healthier and more balanced life, but the journey from where we start that process to where we end up is not without challenges. Some of which will have you questioning if it’s even worth it.

A couple “growing pains” you may encounter include:

• Up and Down Days
• Out Growing Family and Friends
• Loneliness
• Embarrassment

Change is hard, and retraining yourself is only half the struggle — the other half… Retraining others.

And that latter half can be damn near impossible.

Self Growth is Not Linear, It’s Filled With Ups and Downs

There’s this idea that once you finally make the decision that you need to grow and change that the hard part is over. Sadly, making the decision that change is in fact needed is one of the easier steps in the entire process.

The reason for that?

Because it’s not a one and done decision. You have to re-make that decision every single day. Over and over again, until it becomes your new routine. It can take months for your brain to see this new behavior as habitual.

There will be days when you positively rise to this new challenge like a champ. But there will also be days when the cravings for comfort and familiarity will lure you back to your old thought patterns and negative habits.

Recognize these days for what they are — a singular moment of weakness. You are human, after all! Don’t allow yourself to dwell for too long on the times you don’t hit the mark you set. We learn just as much when we fail as we do when we succeed.

Some might even argue that we actually learn more when we fail.

Setting and Keeping Boundaries is a Lonely Business

At some point, you will feel alone. This is a completely normal, but painful, truth. Especially with those you’ve had long a term relationships with. When you build a relationship over the years, you fall into a pattern with that person.

If you’ve formed a healthy relationship, they will most likely be more open to respecting your process. If the relationship is unhealthy, chances are you will run into resistance at some point.

“We teach people how to treat us.”

When you decide to work on yourself, that often includes no longer allowing others to tiptoe over the line of your boundaries. If you’re calling a person out on their behavior and receive push back from them, or they leave your life, just know that their anger at being held accountable is confirmation that you’re on the right path to building a better place for yourself to grow.

Learning to see the toxicity in your life for what it is — is painful, but it’s life changing.

Out Growing Relationships

If someone leaving your life because you’re asking for boundaries to be respected isn’t painful enough, realizing you’ve out grown someone is devastating.

Anyone who has ever gone through the process of self growth can tell you of a moment where in the middle of talking with someone they care deeply for — got smacked with the realization that they are no longer on the same level with this person. They can’t relate to their problems anymore, and even worse, they don’t have the patience or tolerance in them to pretend like they do.

The menial, petty or surface level problems that this person is harping on no longer holds them hostage as it once did. They have grown to a place where they can look at their problems multi-dimensionally. They can see a problem as it is, but also have gained a clarity to see it from an outside perspective as well.

This insight has given them more ways to adapt or solve an issue. The problem or gripe that their loved one is now wrestling with feels miniscule to them. They can see the problem more clearly than their loved one can, and they can find a path to a resolution.

Try to keep in mind we all grow and evolve at different rates, so if you try to help give them a new point of view of the problem, they will probably shoot it down.

Instances like these may leave you to wondering if the relationship (as important as it may be to you) is actually healthy to continue. How you choose to handle it will be different for each person in your life. In the end, you may have to walk away for your own benefit.

Embarrassment

As you become more self aware, you also become more aware of your past actions, reactions, and thought patterns. You may look back and find them absolutely cringe worthy. You may even find your actions in the present cause you to feel embarrassed.

There are moments where it feels like the changes are written on us, like a sign pointing us out, saying we’re different from others — it’s nerve-wracking!

Self growth is almost like unplugging yourself from the Matrix. There is bound to be a period of adjustment and re-acclimation. The excitement you may feel after a yoga class with like-minded people, or the open-mindedness you feel after a meditation session, may instantly disappear when faced with people from your everyday life.

Humans spend so much time and energy trying to fit in. We are primates after all. We’re social creatures and we want to be accepted and fit in to our surroundings. Whether that is the culture we grew up in, or the socio-economic class we’ve attained- if the mentality differs from the collective norm, we tend to feel embarrassment.

It’s terrifying to stand in a room with people and know that on a deep, fundamental level that what you feel directly opposes everyone around you.

There is no way to skip this part of your growth journey… unless you have the means and ability to start a new life in a new place with all new people.

Regretfully, most of us do not have that option.

Everyone reacts to embarrassment differently. Some will put on a smile and nod to avoid the feelings of embarrassment or shame. Others are more confrontational, and decide the best way to get over this hurdle is straight through it. They take the hits of embarrassment right on the chin and pretend it doesn’t hurt.

How you handle it will wholly depend on your personality style.

And to be clear, as long as you’re not hurting others or yourself, how you choose to protect yourself during this time is perfectly acceptable!

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Breaking free of the “norm” can feel alienating, but if you stick with it, and stay true to yourself, you will find so many others going through the same changes. You will strengthen existing relationships, and find new, healthy and fulfilling relationships that uplift you and bring stability to your life.

And you will bring that same uplifting stability to someone else’s life as well!

Growing can be painful at times, and the stigma that comes with it is unfortunate. At some point or another, every person will go through some form of self change, but only those who grow from it will feel that stigma, loneliness and embarrassment. So, try to keep that in mind as you experience it.

As hard as it is to go through these experiences, you are doing right by yourself — be proud of how far you’ve come!