Feeling stuck?

Why am I always feeling stuck? Money seems to be the solution to all of my troubles, but really I know it is God. I know it is Faith. I know it is feeling, being aware and finding contentedness.

Feeling my sadness, letting it flow through me, not needing to change it, but just being present with it. How long will it last? That is a scary question, we don’t know, but probably longer when we avoid it.

By taking the time to be present with our emotions we give them the space they need to be heard and felt. We acknowledge the way we feel instead of stuffing it down. We say I see you, I hear you. I am sorry. How can I be here with you and for you today? I know you are scared about the future. I know you are apprehensive about work and other commitments, but let me sit here with you. You don’t need to run away from these feelings today. You don’t need to hit the gym harder or eat healthier or make a new commitment to yourself right now. Just be, I will love you through this. This is the self-talk we need to hear and be present with. That we are loved regardless of what we do, how much we make financially, how well we have stayed up on our workouts and eating plans, no matter what we wear and how stylish we are. We are loved. We are doing good enough.

We beat ourselves up on the daily. No wonder we feel so sad sometimes. We overthink about worst-case scenarios, we worry and we feel less than. We don’t give ourselves space to be present with our inadequacies. Instead, we try to cover them with fancy wine glasses and new clothes, phones, or cars. Maybe a new reel where we look especially pretty or handsome while flexing our new kitchen or dance routine.

Aren’t we always chasing that next thing that will make us prettier and skinnier? Why do we feel this gaping hole in our souls? I’ve always believed it is a spiritual hole, but I go to church and read my Bible, I pray and journal and I still feel empty. My faith helps in a myriad of ways, but I believe I am still left without connection with others. I feel lost and alone without people in my life who “get me.” I feel that comparison game creep up for me when I feel most alone and lonely. I feel that “HALT” (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) and I know I need to check under my hood for what’s missing.

Have I spoken to any other humans lately? Have I been isolating? Am I living in fear and not letting others in? Usually.

Am I burned out and running too low on fuel? Where is my self-care game? Have I taken a bath or done something I enjoy? Have I tried to connect to a friend or loved one? Have I told anyone how I feel?

I honestly don't know the solution. I know this time of year as fall turns to winter I feel depressed more days than not. I am filled with worry and dread and I attribute this to grief, but how do I get up and out. I've lost most family close to me, but how can I be appreciative of what I do have? I know grief is not linear and that we must feel to heal.

I worry sometimes that I feel all too much and this life could be easier if I just had the magic pill.

I take every vitamin and supplement promising me better moods and more calm. I take every powder and shake promising more beautiful skin and more energy.

I am at a loss.

I still need the magic ticket to happiness.