What Brings Me Anxiety

I have an anxiety disorder. It comes to me with a tight chest and I feel like I lose the ability to take a deep breath. This used to happen to me all the time as a child, but I didn’t know what to call it. I would get scared that I couldn’t breathe properly and it would make me more anxious. As a kid, I had no one to go to with my anxious feelings, but thankfully as an adult, I have learned some tools to help guide me to calm.

First of all, I think just naming the feeling is enough to help me find my breath and calm. By saying out loud or internally, I am anxious it helps alleviate the worry associated with the feelings of unknown or lack.

A feeling of lack brings me the most anxiety. I fear I won’t have what I need. I get anxious about money. I grew up in poverty and this lack has stuck to me like glue. I desire to break free from the chains of poverty, but believe that my subconscious keeps me stifled and stuck. I desire to rise above these self-limiting beliefs and to overcome my fear around money and lack. I desire to feel free in any circumstance and to trust that I will be okay, but my fear overtakes my faith again and again. When I have money I spend it in a wild frenzy afraid it will run out and I won’t be able to get what I need and the cycle repeats itself.

I want to have trust and faith but I get worried when I run out of something like shampoo or snack bags, toothpaste, or vitamins and don’t have the funds to replace them right away. I get worried when I see others traveling and buying big expensive houses or cars and feeling like I will never get ahead.

I worry and feel anxious about money a lot which in turn doesn’t create a peaceful flow of income in and out of my life. It is a feast or famine type of mentality which keeps me grasping and afraid.

I have a large student loan and that debt intimidates me. I worry about retirement and my child’s college. I pray for solutions and it worries me that I don’t have the outcome of the future in place. I don’t feel secure in my future. Nothing is guaranteed, I know this and I am thankful for what I have. I look at what I am able to afford and how valuable time with my family is. I look at what I have been able to do in my life and try to see the positive, but for the sake of this post, I believe it is important to be truthful about the things that bring me the most anxiety and not hide behind the positivity because this is a real issue in my life.

I sometimes wonder how others live. I think they must be way smarter than me financially and have lots of savings and investments. I long to feel secure in my finances.

I also have social anxiety.

One week I will put something on my calendar when I am in a good upbeat space and then as it starts to get closer, say a week away, I start to deliberate if I should do it or not, what I will wear, who will be there and if I will actually do it or not. I begin to give myself an out and make excuses as to how I may not be able to attend.

Tomorrow my son has a basketball tournament. This is our 4th year attending these same tournaments and although they aren’t always exactly the same I know enough of what to expect, but can still feel nervous and overthink what I will wear who will be there and what exactly will happen. Will there be traffic? Ample parking? A fee? Will there be other women their prettier and more fashionable me? Will I feel like I need to compare myself to others?

I am a people watcher and very attuned to my environment and people’s emotions. I plan ahead to try to avert anything bad happening. I try to be ten steps ahead to avoid anyone forgetting something or missing an important detail in the days’ events. I worry about myself so much that I am crabby and hard to be around. I am nit-picky and start cleaning obsessively or picking apart other things when in reality I am just nervous about a new experience.

Knowing this about myself has been helpful. If I start cleaning obsessively and picking things apart, even my family usually knows I am anxious about something.

I have taken medicine in the past, but not for the last 5 years or so. I have good days and bad, but knowing my “triggers” can help alleviate the overwhelming feelings. Taking a time out when things feel like too much is imperative. Taking time to rejuvenate after being anxious is important as our stress hormones are in overdrive. Calming down our nervous systems by laying in a dark room, deep breathing, letting ourselves hug a stuffed animal, blanket, or pet can help calm our nervous systems and bring us back to calm sooner than if we remain in a state of constant stress and emotional upheaval.

By naming our emotion, we call it out. We don’t try to stuff it down. We create space for it to blend within where we can learn to accept it and live in unison with our strong emotions. When we name the emotion and tell ourselves we are safe and we are calm we train our brains and bodies to immobilize and come back to ourselves. We can calm more easily and remember what tools to use to bring us back to a calm state.

We are less frantic and afraid and more safe and calm.

Many of us these days have worn out adrenals and cortisol coursing through our brains and bodies as if we are in fight or flight. Our days are filled with hurried frenzies, anxiety, caffeine, and a constant barrage of things that need our response. It feels overwhelming. When our bodies are in this state and our children are grinding on our nerves or need our attention like right now I am writing this as my son jumps on my bed and is creating an obstacle course with pillows and making my overstimulated brain even more overstimulated, I know I need to be alone, but I also know our kids can sense our anxiety and it sometimes brings them right upon us.

Sensory overload is real and I feel it big time. I am one of those highly sensitive people. Maybe from growing up in a highly volatile home where people could fly off the handle at any moment, but I need to be able to self-regulate and predict my present home environment. I need more quiet and calm than the average person and my body craves peace and comfort. It can be hard to find that time of peace when we live with others. Acknowledging the need is key. Setting time and space aside is imperative to our well-being.

Many tools that we need for self-regulation weren’t taught to us as children. Luckily now there are many videos on social-emotional learning as well as meditation and breathing techniques. I enjoy using the Tapping solution app for EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) as well as writing of course to let the feelings up and out. I always feel less alone after sharing an article that someone can relate to. I feel less bogged down by my own stuff when I can share freely with others.

I know that many of us are feeling the collective stress and anxiety of our world right now and sharing our feelings and emotions can help us feel less alone in our big feelings. We need connection and the world is feeling quite scary and divided right now.

I feel passionate about bridging the gap between our heads and our hearts and feeling safe enough to share with others. We don’t need to struggle alone and by sharing, we break the stigma around mental health. It is okay to talk about our struggles. They do not make us weak or feeble. We are strong by facing them head-on and not deterring them by avoidance and distraction. This is the real deal. We can heal but we must come out of denial and dissociation. We must face what ails us. We must talk about it with someone we trust. It takes the power out so we can fully live.

I wish you the best on your journey of self-healing. We will come out stronger on the other side of our pain and weariness.

Feel free to share tools that have helped you with anxiety. I know it is a common problem that many of us face but is rarely discussed with others.