Fear of Failure

Is it true, that the rich stay rich and the poor stay poor? There are many factors as to why it is harder for the economically less fortunate to obtain success, but here I will focus on a single-pointed observation to that whole. The part of this paradigm that involves our inner perceptions, that cause us to act (or not).

I live a rare and fortunate life that often leads me to believe that I am the luckiest person alive. I was born to two loving, economically well-off parents. My childhood allowed me to experience my own boundless potential and freedom of fun in life from an early age. I had always felt very free to express myself and try new things, and really be daring. Money had never hindered me from experiencing.

Around my early adulthood, my life spun dramatically. The details to which are unimportant. I found myself suddenly flying toward self-dependency, with the weight of the world on my shoulders. More and more, suddenly I was feeling burdensomely responsible for supporting a lot of people around me. For years I had no money at all to spare on frivolous spending. It was only spent on necessities.

At this time in my life, I was feeling the most unmotivated. I consider myself to be an artistic and creative person, but I felt paralyzed at the thought of creating in a time like that. I made every excuse to myself possible as to why I couldn't do this or that, but truthfully, there are always means if you are truly driven. Anyone can spare to afford even a paper and a pencil. To draw, to write, to blueprint, to construct. It can become incredibly tricky to escape the loop of failure, and fear of failure.

As humans, we are meant to create, as that is what we do. We create concepts, realities, physical structures. We can not convince ourselves truthfully of enjoying sedentary lifestyles. Even if it is just moving the pen on the paper, we must go deeper into our potentials. Failure to do so is forever felt within us as unfulfilled void. It is so clear as to what people must do to get more well off, is just do! To just slowly create ourselves in any direction we choose, especially when it comes to our art.

Firstly, I have observed in myself a sense of needing to tend to things of greater 'importance'. Often times even coming down to prioritizing rest. This created a sustained sense of not being productive within me, that my subconscious started to adhere myself to. I started to believe that creating is difficult because it must be done to my highest of standard; because I don't have enough means to fail.

To grow in life, we must take chances. We must brave the unknown in order to gain understanding of what is beyond us. So there I had found myself, unable to take risk. I was caught in entropy. I was getting older every day, yet not moving or progressing in any way, thus deteriorating mentally and physically. I was unfulfilled and quite bitter.

Fast forward to more recently, I came into a perception altering instance of pure luck, which came after altering my own beliefs of what is important to myself. I am a believer in mind-programming, so I found a goal of how I wanted to be emotionally toward a subject, and then I reframed myself until I achieved this perspective. This is important to note because these are my observations on how this instance of luck changed my perspective coming from already being now driven to achieve my goals, emotionally.

I have always had goals, they were just always too far away to consider in the present. This instance of luck, however. I am a part of a community of lovely people who support each other in finding ways to work through situations, instead of around them. A group of people whom are serious about growth. Through this group, I met a stranger who had offered me financial help. He wanted nothing in return, only to feed his own flow of money both in and out, and to "give to that which is blooming".

This financial help, however, was to go toward my arts. Anything that I wanted to pursue, he would fund. Surprisingly, I found in myself now the freedom to be daring. As daring as I wanted to be with what I created. Looking behind me, I can see now how trapped I was in not being able to create due to the conceptualized prison that I had built.

It's always is like that, the way we have everything we need inside of us already, if only we were somehow made to be aware of it in the first place. In being able to pursue endless art, I now feel even further motivated to pursue my dreams. But in reality, I have always had this luxury, if only I hadn't been so afraid of failure. If I had just accepted starting small and believing in myself.

Don't trust your twisted reality model. You must create, whatever the means, however small. It must be our duty to create this world and every beautiful thing within it, as that is what we do, after all.