Ed and the Terrifying Brown Paper Box
The secrets of living a fear-based reality
The doorbell rang.
Strange… I thought. No one ever really rang the doorbell these days, they usually text me they are outside. Come to think about it, that’s strange to think. We are that addicted to our mobile devices that we would rather use it to act as a doorbell rather than just as easily press a button specifically designed for this purpose.
I answered the door hesitantly due to becoming mildly aware of any new social interaction I was presented with. The recent lockdown due to the Covid-19 outbreak definitely heightened that awareness within me but I was never willing to admit this for fear of showing a weakness or vulnerability. Therefore, my name being spread around social media direct messages making fun of how weak I was behind my back. These people probably being the people I call my closest friends. It’s upsetting to think how trauma from your past makes you more inclined to lean on people who treat you the exact same way you were treated by people you don’t have the time of day for anymore.
I finally open the door to find not a terrifying human being, but a small brown carboard box that’s taped shut.
Nothing written on it, just a box.
Immediately I started to panic, thinking what’s inside it? Who could it be from? Is it bad? Is it good? The even more terrifying thought is that I won’t know if I don’t open the box myself because no one else can do it for me due to lockdown restrictions. Maybe this virus is affecting me way more than I realised, cutting me off from social interaction altogether for months on end.
I’m so alone.
Why did that bloke eat a bat?
I stood completely still, transfixed on this small cardboard box in front of me, terrified of its contents and what they would do to me. The fear of the unknown simultaneously crippling my anxiety but also highlighting my intrigue beyond all measure, creating a mental traffic light system within my head that had the colour red signifying Go and the colour green signifying Stop.
A mental torture loop, magnifying my anxiety to near panic attack.
It’s a carboard box, why am I getting so upset over it? This thought process leads me to think that I’m weak and worthless, making the situation much worse.
Oh no, fuck, that familiar feeling of a panic attack rising. HELP! Somebody please call 000! I scream, before passing out into a sea of nothingness.
Finally I rest.
I woke to the vision of 2 paramedics wearing masks hunched over me.
“Hey Ed? Can you hear me bud? Just give us any signal to let us know you understand okay? Ed? You’re all good now, we’ve got you.”
I couldn’t tell which paramedic was talking because of the masks, but their angelic voice sent a rush of calmness trickle all the way through my body from head to toes. I nodded slightly to let them know that I was conscious but the paramedics kept on working on me as if my signal wasn’t validated. They started talking to each other but neither of their voices matched the one that was just presented to me.
Maybe my hearing is still a bit shocked after that fall. I thought. I sat up and could see my next door neighbour standing behind the paramedics.
“I heard you call for help so I came outside right away and called 000,” she said. But her voice sounded the same as it always sounded.
Who on Earth was talking to me before? And why am I so concerned about wanting to know who it was?
“Hey Ed, me again. How you going? You should check the box, it’ll help you in a big way, trust me.” This time I was positive it was neither of the paramedics because that voice was coming from inside my head.
Is this what intuition is? Or am I going crazy? Usually the voices that live in my head are evil and negative but this one is different. Am I dead? This can’t be real. Or a dream maybe? I did the check of the hands test. Whether they existed or not.
Yep, still there. Super weird.
Maybe I hit my head when I fell? It didn’t feel like it. My head felt fine, clearer than usual even. I decided to listen to the voice in my head because for once, this one was positive and supportive.
Along with my trusty brain companion and the added people around, I gained a newfound sense of courage to walk over to the box and open it. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
$100 bills. Hundreds of them just thrown into this box like the piggy bank you used to have as a kid to store away your coins from the tooth fairy and any loose change you found hiding in your pockets after a day at school.
On further speculation, there was a white piece of paper amongst the bills that read,
TRUST IN THEM, YOUR SPIRIT GUIDES, BECAUSE YOU ARE MEANT FOR GREATNESS, MUCH LOVE, YOUR HIGHEST SELF.
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and at the same time, I felt a surge of beaming energy run through my body. Like I could accomplish anything. I have no idea what just happened but I am definitely going with it.
Cut to 3 months later, lockdown still applies, but this has allowed me to really research what I soon discovered after the incident, to be a spiritual awakening.
On reflection of the cardboard box incident, I simply have to laugh at my unconscious self for having a panic attack over a small cardboard box left on my doorstep. The simple unknowing of something so insignificant sent me spiraling into devastation. It has made me realise that I am being looked out for by a higher being and to trust in myself and the divine and whatever I desire will simply manifest themselves within my life. It’s opened my eyes with a fresh perspective on life and I could never be more grateful.
The thought of my next door neighbour calling 000 upon hearing my cry for help has made me thinking. I want to thank her but I am unsure how to do it. My intuition is now telling me that Covid-19 restrictions are over, I should go over and knock on her door and ask her for her number. My social anxiety is loving this situation right now but I’m better than my own resistance and so I walk on over with a sense of confidence that I am loving.
She answered the door in her casual wear and smiled bright as soon as she saw who it was. This made my heart soar and gave me even more confidence to ask that burning question that I would never have seen myself ask 3 months ago before the incident.
“Hey! I was just wondering, now that Covid-19 restrictions are over, did you want to go and enjoy the outside together?”
“Sure!” she immediately replied. “I just finished up my work so let’s go now.”
Wow. I thought.