Dependent personality disorder

The American Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders defines the characteristics of a dependent personality as

1. the inability to make decisions about everyday things without receiving a great deal of advice and reassurance from others.

2. a sense of helplessness, allowing others to make most of the important decisions for them, such as where to live, what career to choose, etc.

3. A sense of abandonment. Knowing that others are wrong, they go along with them because they are afraid of being abandoned by others.

4、No independence, it is difficult to start planning or doing things alone.

5. Over-tolerance, willing to do lowly or unwillingly things to please others.

6. discomfort and helplessness when alone, or trying their best to escape loneliness.

7. Feeling helpless or broken when close relationships are discontinued.

8． Frequently tormented by the thought of being abandoned.

9. easily hurt by the lack of approval or criticism.

As long as five of the above characteristics are met, a dependent personality can be diagnosed.

Dependent personalities have an excessive desire for closeness and belonging that is compulsive, blind, irrational, and unrelated to real feelings.

A dependent personality prefers to give up his interests and outlook on life, as long as he can find a mountain of support and be satisfied with the warmth of others.

This way of dealing with the world makes the dependent personality more and more lazy, vulnerable, and lacking autonomy and creativity. Dependent personality disorder creates a growing sense of depression that prevents the person from doing something for himself or having any personal hobbies.

In her analysis of the dependent personality, psychologist Horney noted several characteristics of this type of person.

(1) A deep sense of weakness and helplessness, when it comes to making their own decisions, they feel at a loss, like a small boat lost in the harbor.

(2) Take it for granted that others are better, more attractive, and more capable than they are.

(3) Unconsciously tends to evaluate oneself by the opinions of others.

Dependent personality originates from the early stages of human development. In the early years, children cannot survive without their parents. The child has the impression that his parents, who protect him, nurture him, and meet all his needs, are omnipotent, and he must rely on them, always fearing the loss of this protector.

At this time, if parents overindulge and encourage their children to rely on them, not allowing them the opportunity to grow up and become independent, over time, the minds of children will gradually develop a dependence on parents or authority, and still can not be autonomous after adulthood. Lack of self-confidence, always relying on others to make decisions, lifelong inability to take responsibility for the choice to adopt various tasks, work, and the formation of a dependent personality.

Such examples are common in life, and there is a well-known folk story that is very representative. A couple was so happy to have a son in their old age that they regarded their son as a jewel in the palm of their hand, afraid of dropping him, afraid of melting him in their mouth, and not letting him do anything.

One day, the couple had to go away, afraid that their son would starve, so they thought of a way to cook a large cake and put it around their son's neck, telling him to take a bite when he wanted to eat. When they returned home, the son had died of hunger. It turned out that he only knew how to eat the cake in front of his neck, but did not know to turn the back of the cake to eat.

This story is a bit mean to ridicule, but similar phenomena in real life can not be said to be absent, especially nowadays most families are only children, parents, grandparents, grandparents are regarded as babies, children's daily lives rely heavily on relatives, resulting in the ability to grow up to take care of themselves is very poor.

A newspaper once reported that a student was admitted to a foreign student, but the student was afraid of the thought that no one would do his laundry or take care of him after he left the country, and finally had to give up the opportunity to go abroad. According to the survey of 1500 primary and secondary school students by the Tianjin Youth Work Committee, 51.9% of them have been organized by their parents for a long time; 74.4% of them are at their wits' end when they leave their parents at life and study; only 13.4% of them do some simple chores occasionally, which is worrying.

From the above analysis, it is clear that if the education of only children is not tightened up, some children are likely to form a dependent personality, which will affect their future from a small aspect, and the development of a generation and even the fate of the whole country from a large aspect.