Dear Universe

Dear Universe,

What in the hell is going on? I am so confused right now. I seriously need some help right now. I think I'm going insane. Everything seems like it's caving in. I feel like I'm spiraling out of control. I feel like I'm drowning. Just when I think things are going to get better, they take a turn for the worst. I'm not okay with any of this. I don't know who I need to talk to about this but we need to speak immediately. This is not how I imagined my life turning out. I'm not sure what I was expecting but it wasn't this. Everything feels so wrong right now. I know that I'm meant for better things. I don't know where I'm supposed to turn. What am I supposed to do? I want some peace. I'm so sick of the voices in my head. I wish I could turn back time. I wish I could have a do-over. There are so many things that I want to change. What am I doing wrong? Did I anger someone? What can I do to make it right? I want answers. I'll do whatever it takes to fix things. Please just give me a break. I am exhausted and just want to sleep. Send me a sign. Give me a message. Please just give me a little help. Shed some light on things. Give me some sort of hint. What do I do? I am trying my hardest to figure things out. I am failing miserably though. I can't keep winging everything. I am having a breakdown. I am so lost right now. Any guidance would be appreciated. This is not the person I want to be. I'm trying hard to grow. I thought that I was doing great. I thought I was maturing. I thought I was doing better than a lot of people I know. Yet I'm still so far behind. I guess I thought wrong. Why does it seem like all these people who do horrible things are doing so much better? Why can't I find answers? I'm ready to give up. I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on. I'm losing hope. I'm losing my sanity. I feel like I have nowhere left to turn. I feel so alone. I need help and I know it. I just don't know where to start. I don't know who to turn to. What is the point of it all? Everything seems so insignificant. I have no idea what I'm doing and I think it's starting to show. I want to just run away so badly. I want to leave everything behind and start over. I hate feeling this way. I so badly want it to stop. There is just too much happening. I feel like I'm losing it. It's like everything is just slipping away. I'm in a downward spiral. I don't know how to regain control of this situation. I want it all to stop. I need it all to stop. Things are either moving too quickly or too slowly. I'm not sure which is worse. I just know that I want it all to go back to normal. I want to close my eyes and finally be ok. I want to wake up knowing that I'm going to be ok. I don't know how to get to that point. I've been trying so hard to just be normal for once. But being normal and being myself are complete opposites. There are so many things going wrong all at once. I don't want to face the next day. I'm trying to take it one day at a time. One part of me wants to just rush things and get this life over with. The other part wants to enjoy all the little things. I just don't know where to go from here.

Sincerely,

Z