ChildHood Trama

It was a beautiful day in Texas on this day, the sun was shining birds were chirping and the sports radio was blaring in the background. I thought to myself it was going to be a great day. Little did I know I was about to be in for long traumatic day. I quickly got up not wanting to be late for the bus which came at 7:20, and i started brushing my teeth looking myself up and down making sure there was no mistakes in my appearance or hygiene. Satisfied I ran downstairs in hopes that my father wasn’t there, realizing that he wasn’t I excitedly ran into the pantry to see what I could bring in my backpack to school with out him noticing.

Back then we weren’t allowed to eat anything out of the pantry unless we asked for it, and I wasn’t a fan of that idea at all. My father was a hard man he had grown up in the south during the 50’s and 60’s, there was no room for weakness in his eyes and when he looked at us I believe that’s all he saw.

There were 3 of us living with him at the time the rest of my family members had the privilege of living with my mother about 100 miles away, I can remember every single day fantasizing about what it would be like to live with my mother how I could help her out with the bills or be useful in some manner.

That day at school was great I was still socially awkward, and that Stemmed from being homeschooled up until 5th grade. I did the most because that was the only way people would like me, or else I thought. Nevertheless I still had a great time and was very active any chance I could, my guess is that it was a default setting that was programmed in me as a young boy.

After school I came home reluctantly and to my surprise my father still wasn’t home, but I knew that he was coming very very soon. I completed my homework for that day and was listening to spurs basketball as they were playing the Dallas Mavericks, I was so excited because it was coming down to the wire and it was almost time for bed! I heard the door open and there he was.... my father had come in after a long day at work. I greeted him as I normally did and my brothers did the same everything was normal, or so I thought.

My brother and my father got into an argument not even one hour after he came into the house, over what? I’m not sure all I remember was that it was getting pretty heated. There was intense yelling and I was down stairs my father had brought home fried chicken and that shit smelled heavenly, I told myself one to two pieces and then it’s time to wind down. The yelling increased so I ran upstairs and saw my father advancing towards my brother aggressively, not knowing what was going on I stood frozen locked in a trance as I watched as my father moved towards him. It seemed like everything slowed down because I saw my brother throw a weak punch trying to defend himself, which pissed his attacker off even more. Enraged that he even had the audacity to try to stop him, he grabbed his collar and threw him in the corner and started punching down on him. A right hand landed and then a left. At this point I started moving towards them, I started yelling “DAD.... DAD.... DAD”. He stopped to look at me and he was even angrier that I had interrupted what he was doing, and advanced towards me, I thought about running but I saw my brother lying down and immediately accepted in my mind that I was going to get it or die trying to defend myself and my brother from this 6’4 monster.

I stood there frozen not knowing what to do as he was coming for me, I looked to my left and saw my younger brother standing there as well not saying anything. But then something happened... he stopped something that I had never seen him do before when he was angry, he yelled “get in your room and go to sleep”. My brother slowly got up and made his way across the hall, everything had happened so fast that we didn’t even think twice about it. We just knew that this time it was worse.

I tell you this story because not a lot of people talk about their pain of growing up or want to share it because they are afraid to talk about it, but I’m not afraid anymore! I made it through, and no my life wasn’t easy and I realize there are those individuals who have it worse or never made it out. I’m here to say that YOU CAN DO IT, no matter how bad it gets use those memories and that rage as fuel to be successful, talk about your fears with others and be understanding that most of the time our parents had it worse than us. I harbor no ill will towards my father I simply seek for understanding, I know now that he was trying to show love in his own twisted way.

I use these memories as a base for who I am they shaped me, hardened me and also softened me to understand others more.

You can get through this time you are having, you will make it and you will be successful; realize that your mind can be your best friend utilize it my friends.

Until next time. stay safe and stay alive.

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