Break The Chains

Imagine being fifteen years old, attending a predominantly African American school when you’re the same as they are but your skin color is pale in tone due to albinism. Imagine everyone complementing one another and you’re the sheep surrounded by wolves.Your parents do their best to instill confidence in you and shelter you with love and kindness because they know that people in this world can be cruel and insensitive about your condition. Relentless bullying and mistreatment eventually leads to you believing everything that you’re told about yourself. Imagine with all the mistreatment and lack of confidence and self awareness, you’re not dressed the best but only in what your parents can afford at the time. To everyone else your clothing is considered rags but to you it’s a blessing because the year before, you and your parents were living in a car.

Everyday is a struggle to walk through the double doors of a crumbling foundation that is meant for an education but is a war zone for those who are less fortunate and for those who are deemed as different. Is being different a bad thing? Or is it a way to use the social “outcast'' as a scapegoat in order for people to build their own self esteem? Who says that they’re different? They are unique and precious and most of all they want to be loved, appreciated, valued, and lead a happy life just as everyone else wants to. Who gave one person or a handful of people the authority to deem someone as normal, or the authority to criticize them because of their own dislikes? Did you know that bullying can cause one to feel hopeless, alone, depression, and in some cases it can drive them to commit suicide.

I’m typing this today because I was that outsider looking in and not the receiver. I was a person who stood by quietly, not having enough backbone to stand up for what is right. And by all means, Shaun had the right to attend school without worrying about people calling him names and sometimes hitting him. My dearest friend endured hate from his peers because of his condition. I met Shaun on the bus one day. Although I've seen him numerous times sitting in the same seat most of the time while bobbing his head to the tunes playing from his headphones, I had never taken out the time to get to know him, passing him hundreds of times just as everyone else did. It wasn’t that I wasn’t aware of the bullying he endured on a daily basis but it was the simple fact that I hadn’t taken out the time to speak to him or understand his pain nor did I really care much about anything that went on around me. No one really did. One day my attitude toward him changed when he dropped a pencil and I picked it up for him. He tensed without muttering a word but simply accepting his pencil. I could sense the nervousness dripping from him.

In March of 2006, I sat beside Shaun, drawn to his medium sized golden white afro. He’d always wore sunglasses so I couldn’t see his eyes but I knew he was filled with sadness that he refused to let any of us see. The bus ride was challenging as I would hear some of our classmates shooting derogatory remarks his way. I wasn’t a part of it but I wish I had stuck up for him long before I had become his friend.

“Hi, Shaun. I’m Brandy.” I introduced myself.

He stared for a beat before responding, maybe wondering what was I sitting there for and what was my intentions. He thoughtfully removed the bulky headphones from his ears, furrowing his brows as he stared in my direction. I repeated what I’d said, adding a compliment, “I like your afro, Shaun, it’s dope.” A small smile creased his lips before he nodded and thanked me. I then proceeded to ask what he was listening to, grabbing his headphones without his permission. Blasting from the headphones was Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, a song that I actually liked. It didn’t take long for Shaun and I to become friends. Everyday after the first time I’d sat by him, I made it a habit to sit by him and just converse about the school day or compliment him because I had grown to love the way his features would light up everytime a compliment fell from my lips. It’s amazing how being nice to someone can change their perspective, maybe kindness can even save a life.

Within our short time of getting to know one another, I found out that he suffered from depression and anxiety. I found that the biggest misconception I had about him was to think that he wasn’t affected by the negative comments toward him. He seemed so broken and mundane but was able to muster a smile whenever we listened to music. I remember the first time he’d gathered the courage to show me his eyes without warning. They were unsteady, following a rhythm of their own but still stood out in a violet red color. His lashes were the same golden white color as his hair. I had never seen anything like it. He then explained to me that the reason behind him not showing his eyes was because they were highly sensitive to light due to the loss of pigment. He’d also explained that they never stayed still due to an astigmatism and would probably scare people or give them something else to make fun of him about. I remember the shame on his face for something he had no control over and it broke my heart into pieces. I held his hands and looked him in the eyes while telling him he was perfect and I wouldn’t change a thing about him.

It makes me think that I would have never known his struggles if I had never gotten to know him. He was fragile but strong. He was smart but not heard, human but treated worse than an animal. If only I had been at his house the day of his departure or if only I had been nicer to him long before the two months of knowing him. Maybe, just maybe I could have changed his mind. He’s a person gone too soon because bullying had become too much of a heavy load for him to carry.

On May 15, 2007, Shaun was found by his mom in the bathroom of their two bedroom apartment. He had taken multiple pills, some were prescribed to him and others were street drugs. He laid lifeless near the tub next to a short, handwritten note that read;

"I’m sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to overcome this and I’m sorry that I’m causing you this pain. Thank you mom and dad for always loving me. Please tell my friend Brandy that she was my best friend and the only friend that I’ve ever had and I’m thankful for having the chance to have known her. I love all of you but there is no room for people like me. Please don’t cry for me, it’s better this way. Goodbye."

That’s one of the worst feelings that I’ve ever had to experience and I could never wish this pain on my worst enemy. If I can be a light in the dark and offer kindness and inclusivity in this era, I would encourage people to be the best they can be and I would make a habit to simply be polite. Sometimes small gestures and kind words can make a difference in someone's life.

The mistreatment of Shaun because of his skin and overall appearance makes me think of all those years ago when there was segregation, limited opportunities, and unfair treatment because of the color of our skin. Where’s the sense in hating one another when we’re all alike, when we’re all human? Fifty eight years ago on August 28, 1963, Martin Luther King Jr delivered the infamous “I Have A Dream” speech, foreseeing a unified nation that would rise against everything that was built against us and considered as the norm. Within that speech, he spoke of equality, unity, peace, and other things that served as a purpose to break the chains that enslaved us. Martin Luther King Jr. was able to get laws passed in 1964 and 1965. All the effort of marching and preaching for a fair chance in life without condemnation or the fear of exercising our rights as a human being, yet we are still stuck in a place where people are prejudiced against anything that is not a norm in today’s society. I can’t help but wonder what he would have to say about the things and acts of today.

In the end, we’re all humans who want to at some point be accepted and to be a part of something, we want to be free to be ourselves without people in this world forcing us to conform to their standards of how we should look, or how we should act. Who are we if we aren’t ourselves?

In honor of Martin Luther King Day and Random Acts of Kindness day that closely follows, I want to bring awareness to bullying and the pain it causes. While doing so, I plan to compliment people even if it’s not reciprocated and to be a voice for those who feel unheard or different. Also, I plan to be a listening ear for those who need to vent. In addition, I want to be an advocate and start a foundation for victims of bullying who have committed suicide. I plan to donate to the less fortunate and to wear a smile everywhere that I go. Let's make it normal to just be ourselves without resolve. Lets take out some time to put aside our selfishness and our need to fit in with society. Let's be our sisters and brothers' keeper, let’s have compassion for one another. The things I plan to implement into this life may not be historical or astronomical to some, but it may just save someone’s life.

Please, if you can make a difference in someone's life, do so.

Thank you for reading