BPD

BPD- what is it?

Borderline Personality Disorder is a mental illness in which an individual struggles to regulate their emotions. It is so heavily stigmatised and most professionals refuse to work with someone who has this diagnosis. They believe us to be manipulative, dangerous, attention seeking and unlovable. They believe it to be untreatable. But It is so misunderstood. With DBT and meds, it can slowly improve the symptoms. People can recover.

There are 9 symptoms but you only need 5 to be diagnosed so not everyone diagnosed is the same.

These are:

•Fear of abandonment

•unstable relationships

•A chronic feeling of emptiness

•Intense suicidal thoughts, suicidal ideation and self harm behaviour

•Impulsivity such as having risky sex, overspending and substance abuse

•No sense of identity

•Explosive anger

•Extreme mood swings

•Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality.

I didn’t choose this.

I didn’t choose to live this way.

I didn’t choose to be depressed.

I didn’t choose to be mentally ill.

It is not a choice. It is an illness. Just like someone doesn’t choose to have asthma.

✨Mental illness is not a choice✨

If I could choose to not have this and be stable enough to live a normal, functioning life, I would.

Mental health is just as important as physical health. Just because you can’t see it, it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Suicide doesn’t kill people. Sadness does.

Everyone’s experience with BPD/EUPD is different. Not everyone is the same.

The symptoms I experience the are:

•Feeling empty most of the time.

•Intense mood swings that last a few seconds, minutes or hours to a few days and can change quickly. For example, one minute I could feel happy and content and then the next I’d be feeling hopeless and suicidal.

•Unstable relationships with people. I find myself always jeopardising my friendships, lashing out and pushing those I love away. And the thing I hate the most is when people leave me and go to the extremes to prevent that happening.

•Acting impulsively and putting myself in harms way. It often feels like I loose control.

•Self-harming or having suicidal feelings/suicidal ideations.

•Intense feelings of anger which are difficult to control. With this, it’s hard to explain. Like I could be frustrated with someone but I would never take my anger out on them. I take it out on myself to relieve those difficult emotions.

•I often don’t know who I am anymore.

I got diagnosed last year, a few months before I turned 18. I felt crazy. Just another diagnosis to show how mentally fucked up I am. I felt broken. But it made sense. The way I had grown insanely attached to my tutor back in school and then to this staff member when I was inpatient and then my therapist, who I had spent the most time with. My first attachment was the most painful. No one could figure out why I always wanting to be around her. No one could figure out why she was the only one who could calm me down and help me when everyone else who tried to help me was doing exactly the same thing. I felt so alone but being diagnosed with BPD made me feel a sense of closure and gave me an explanation for all that. All those overwhelming emotions I couldn’t make sense of until then.

My illness has made me feel like life isn’t worth living and I’ve previously TW- attempted suicide because of it. I’m scared that it isn’t going to get better and that this is my life now. A life of pain. But I have hope that it won’t always be like this and that hope keeps me going.

Let’s talk about the stigma.

Attention seeking to be specific.

Not everyone who has BPD does things for attention. And if they do then they are sick and need help.

There is so much stigma around BPD and it is the stigma that prevents people from seeking help.

The phrase “attention seeker” is used a lot when describing someone with BPD and it is also associated with other mental disorders. Sadly, I have had experiences where I’ve been called an attention seeker, whether that’s on anonymous platforms or whether it’s professionals telling me that.

No one, in the right mind, would put themselves in risky situations. We are ill. We are vulnerable. We need help.

Mental health is nothing to be ashamed of but comments like this can cause people to be too afraid to reach out when they need it out of fear of not being taken seriously.

There is something wrong with the system. People with a BPD diagnosis are treated like animals. Like we don’t matter. Like criminals. Like we don’t deserve as much help as everyone else. Something needs to change!

So how do you support someone with this diagnosis?

1. Be patient

2. Listen

3. Know that it is not our fault we have BPD

4. Try to identify or avoid our triggers

5. Have realistic expectations that setbacks do happen

6. Look after your own mental health

7. Understand that our mood swings, abandonment fears, irrational and impulsive behaviours are symptoms and do not reflect how we really feel about you/the relationship

8. Let us know our feelings are valid

𝑀𝑦 𝐸𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡𝘩 𝐵𝑃𝐷

I was diagnosed with BPD in October 2019, just before my 18th birthday. I was scared. I felt broken. I didn’t know how to react but I was scared how professionals would view me because of the label they put on me.

However the diagnosis made sense. I hated people leaving me, I act impulsively, I constantly feel empty inside and I have unstable relationships with people. It feels like my brain is constantly in overdrive. It’s exhausting.

𝑆𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑖𝑎𝑔𝑛𝑜𝑠𝑒𝑑, 𝐼 𝘩𝑎𝑣𝑒:

-been called an attention seeker

-been told I don’t really want to die

-been told that Bpd isn’t treatable

-Not taken seriously because of my diagnosis

-“she definitely has BPD”

BPD is an illness and just like any other illness, it can be treated with months of therapy and the right medication.

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