Black-Out Awakening

AWAKE FROM THE BLACK-OUT, NORMAN BATES

“WAKE UP, SUNSHINE”

I have given up the desire of liquor for good.

The intoxicant in which relaxes the mind through the depths of reality should be the savior for people. I used to drink to relax because the anxiety of being surrounded by strangers is not natural for me. Drinking made me open up more because beneath the surface I was uptight. I used to judge everyone I see and meet thinking I am wasting my time because our conversations weren’t going anywhere. Drinking helped me let loose especially if I seen someone interesting I wanted to talk to.

The first time I ever tried alcohol was in 7th grade. It was my friend’s birthday and like a typical Filipino family, it was spent barbequing and karaoke. There were about 20 people all chitchatting about normal gossip with the constant who’s who, and what she or he is wearing. Let me tell you something, the most popular topic that Filipinos like to gossip about is their jewelry. It’s a constant battle on how much they got it for and how many karats or diamonds are in each metal full of sunshine.

All of us teenagers were hanging out in the backyard and my friend Claire hands me a foreign can that said San Micheal. I looked at it and she was eager for me to take a sip. So, I took the can and drank it like it was water. After drinking half the can, I stood up and gagged. She and her cousins were pointing and laughing at me. “What the hell was that?!” I demanded. She told me it was beer. I couldn’t believe I tried it. Moments later I felt the buzz and I was having a good time. Claire had told me that she would drink ONLY ONE beer every time she had a party at her house. I was slurring my words at the time, but it felt amazing. My head felt light and it was as if time was at a pause and I could see everything moving at half-time.

I haven’t consumed any liquor since then. Throughout high school, I didn’t attend any house parties or any events that involved liquor. I was a nerdy jock who basically kept to myself. It changed the moment I got my heart broken in Senior year. My partner and I for 2 years had our first break up due to a misconception of me cheating. I was crushed when I found out that she was dating my ex-girlfriend, Tarah. I remember going to my friend’s graduation party and drinking shots of Captain. I got so wasted that I blacked out and did not remember anything. The following day friend Sandy told me I was trying to fight somebody who I apparently thought stole my cup. She also told me that I ran around the house cursing to everyone that the beer tastes like apples. It made sense since it was the Angry brand I was drinking. She had helped me throw up on the side of the couch and I passed out.

When I turned 23, I moved to Sin city and got a stable job. I worked countless hours sometimes I would pick up shifts just so I can pay off my student loan. Since Sin city was more of a tourism hot spot, I figured I could work at a bar being a waitress. At this point, I was taught how to make mixers and even made some of my own creation. In the day I would work at my office job and some nights and weekends I would be a server at the bar. I would get about $150-$250 of tips every night I worked at the bar and on top of that I would make about $4,000 a month with my regular job. There was a time in my life when I liked what I did but I just wanted more of my time spent doing things I wanted to do.

I came up with an idea to start a delivery business. What was something missing in Sin city that everyone needed? BINGO. A liquor delivery business. I was so excited to open it up at that point that everything that I was doing was secondary. I came up with a plan and even got one of my friends in wanting to invest in it. The initial start-up was right on point with the original proposal which was about $3,500. This included licensing and everything needed for the first year of business. The hardest part of this type of business is getting customers so our game plan was to work with the liquor stores. We would offer our service every time a delivery was needed. It blew up. Since we charged 20% of the sales our profit target went really well after the first year. We did not just serve the liquor stores with our service, but we had also had repeat clients who would use our services for shopping needs. After the second year since Sin city had no longer allowed the service of liquor delivery to be valid, we had closed the business.

My partner Mushar, and I had opened a transportation company which involved the help of some of Sin city’s top promoters and this was when business was booming. We would help each other out in getting clients to their promotion and driving them to each event. We would make about $500 per client if they decided to get bottle service with their package. This type of business which technically involved the presence and intoxication of liquor was the fruit of everyone’s labor. One of our top promoters, Tabu had invited my partner and I to a table service party and thanked us for the last client we sent him. I am guessing he got tipped out a significant amount during that time. There was a bottle of Grey Goose over ice on the table and my partner Mushar took it and drank from the bottle. I stood there, chatting with Tabu in trying to expand the business more in a way that would have any other promoter to work with us as well. Tabu had referred us to 2 other VIP promoters and he had introduced us. Our sales had gotten us to be make double digits every month.

Don’t get me wrong, the money was great. And if you know the right people and the people willing to spend thousands of dollars just to have a good time then this industry is it. If your looking to make quick cash in Sin city, it would either be at the strip club or promoting. It was a fun run, but it had to end at some point. Since we were a transportation company, we didn’t get all the licensing needed to run the business because of the dreadful regulations needed to run a transportation company. We were insured but for some reason the board just would not pass the little gamers in the industry. It was a monopoly and the bigger companies had gained more authority than any competition standing in their way. One day my partner went on a run to a potential client and it was the MTA, the commission had suspended our license in ever being in the transportation industry and we were fined $5,000. Well that was the end of our what would have been “successful” company.

Every weekend was well spent with 2 bottles of hard liquor at either a hotel party or a house party. My liquor consumption tolerance was pretty high and every weekend I would be wasted. I would remember walking into a casino and betting all of my money and would sometimes double the profit. The most I made in one sitting was $3500. The best part about gambling was the free booze. Just holler at a cocktail waitress and if they see you at the slot machine, you get a free drink. I would end up with a bad headache every morning.

One night, my colleague Othei had invited me to get a drink at the bar. It was our normal go to on Rainbow avenue and I figure I would go since I had been working all day. This was a point in my life when it was my all time low. I was experiencing a fresh break-up and had family issues. I had lost some money on a bet and was almost penniless. After a beer at the bar we migrated to the club across the street and took shots of vodka. Soon after, we walked across the street to Twad’s and each got some mixed drinks and played a game of pool. It was 4am in the morning and I was LIT. We decided to leave but before we got to the exit there were two beautiful girls who asked us to join them. We were so oblivious to the offer that we went for it. These girls kept buying us rounds of shots and I had gotten so drunk that I broke a glass cup at the table. The security guard had to escort me out of the bar, and I blacked out in my car. A day and a half later I woke up on the floor of my room. Not knowing what had happened I tried to look for my phone, but it was dead. I had no memory on what had happened in the last 16 hours. I tried to recover but all I could feel was my head just pounding and airwaves pulsating in my ears. A bump of adrenaline from the shots of tequila that night was enough to put anyone in a coma.

When I walked to my car to get to work, I noticed the front of my car damaged and had no clue as to how it got that way. Since it was parked several houses down from my house, I had thought that someone had backed up into it. I tried so hard to remember what had happened that night but had no clue. Several days later, I get a phone call from my insurance company and they had told me what happened. I was so shocked that I could not believe it. I was just happy that no one had gotten hurt. I couldn’t believe I did such an act. I tried to fix the issue with the vehicle myself, but I had put my sanity in the grave along with the vehicle. To think that liquor was the savior to all problems was actually the reasons for problems in the first place.

I took this lesson and lost the sight of hard liquor after that. I take every minute into consideration because a Black Out means death in all aspects of life. The realization of this was a bright awakening that things needed to change in my life. I realized that the demons that you once danced with so comfortably at night was a mirage of the actual pain and suffering. To let these demons go, you have to let go of yourself completely. Realize that the problem is in front of you and that it exists. In order to seek a bright future, you will learn that experiencing darkness is a way to understand and appreciate the good. Things happen for a reason and no matter how ugly the outcome, you have to face it one way or another. With this I say Sayonara to the acid burning through my esophagus as it passes through my stomach. Goodbye to being asleep when 70 proof kept me captive. I made better friends with the truth, than to miserably wait for the bitter taste of temporary happiness that liquor influenced on society.