Bipolar Disorder 2 vs. 5-4-3-2-1, Get Up!

How My Disorder Affects My Mental State

For many years there has been a longing for something that’s missing from inside my soul. Like a thirst to be more than what I am realistically capable of being; longing for something unseen that I have never quite been able to discover within myself. It is like knowing exactly what you want, but also not knowing or knowing that it is always outside of grasps reach. There are some days that I open my eyes and I can feel on top of the world... But, more days than not I feel in a sense that the entire world has stopped and is running me in the complete opposite direction that I fight so hard to travel.

It Is Not the Same; We Are Not All the Same

Bipolar Disorder is not the same as bipolar disorder 1 and is categorized as its own separate diagnosis. Just like no two people are alike; neither are bipolar disorders. It is a form of mental illness that causes you to suffer from a hypomania state of mind, but more often causes you to suffer states of depression. With that being said, that does not mean it is classified as mainly depression. It causes us to uncontrollably shift between two vastly contrasting emotional states of highs and lows. Although our hypomania (“ups” or “highs”) may not be as intense, which is a sigh of relief, there is always the possibility for advanced progression of our hypomania that can lead into mania. As all illnesses there is always a chance for progression, but there is also a chance it could spiral downward into a serious episode of depression. There is no way to know what cycle will follow next due to how unpredictable each case is.

On The Bad Days You Do Not See That It Is Hard

On the bad days when I open my eyes in the morning it's like a repeat of a never-ending game. One where I roll the dice to see how my mind takes me in the first few moments of looking at my blank ceiling. I have so many options, but I give myself only two. My first option is “I could roll out of bed and start my day”, or option number two... Which, tends to be the one I chose more than I would like to admit “I could just lay there and procrastinate to get the day going”. Most days it honestly the harder than most challenges in life to get the motivation and energy to crawl out of bed. To wake up and dread the very feelings within and to once again begin searching for this missing piece of something unknown that I crave so badly to find. To find that happiness and sense of belonging I see what feels like everyone else experiencing besides myself.

You’re Not Alone, They Can “Fix” You with Medicine; I Am Not Broken, I Suffer from Mental Illness

Relationships of any form may be one of the more challenging parts to suffering from this mental illness. A bitter yet sweet parts when it comes to sharing your disorder with those you are close to is overcoming the misunderstandings in theirs and your own points of view on your illness. I find that it tends to create a disconnect of understanding and communication in any said relationship. It is extremely easy for those suffering from bipolar 2 to feel a sense of insecurity, irritability, and sometimes even attacked when trying to explain to their emotions and thoughts to another. To encounter or hear discouraging points of view come from your “support” group is to be a large downfall on the understanding of one's health, but one thing to remember is they are trying. Not only are they trying to be there for you, but they are also trying to their best ability to understand what you are going through. Sometimes your support may say the wrong things at the wrong time, but you also have to understand they cannot experience how you are feeling. Some examples that can trigger irritability during these conversations could be that they say “look on the bright side”. Generally, this is a harder task and can be seen as belittling your emotions at the fixed time. You may also encounter those that categorize your metal illness such as a broken object suggesting they can “fix” you. Do not take these actions and voiced opinions heavily! There are many downfalls to the misunderstandings, but it is best to share your point of view and open their mind to your perspective. It also helps to inform those that want to be there for you through your unique phases even though they are unpredictable. The more you communicate, the better they are able to better understand you.

5 Seconds 5-4-3-2-1, Breath, Get up!

They say it is psychologically proven that you cannot always control how you feel, but you can always cause yourself to act on your thoughts. In psychology this is referred to as a 5 second window in your mind. A large number of studies show that it takes but 5 seconds for the human brain to do away with an idea or action if you do not take action. So, every morning I open my eyes, take a breath, and I block my thoughts, by counting 5-4-3-2-1, and I get up (or try to get up). Honestly, 5 seconds feels like a fraction of a second in the mornings when you need that extra push the most... and it is never as easy as 5-4-3-2-1, get up. But on the days that you don’t get up, do not give up. Keep trying, keep repeating 5-4-3-2-1, get up. There will be days you hit the snooze button, you will get distracted, you will battle yourself, you will think it's pointless, you will go through numerous different feelings, but every day will prove you are capable of this challenge in life and you will push yourself to conquer the battle ahead.

5 Seconds Is Not a Cure, but It Did Improved My Battle

I’ve always wondered how I managed to keep getting up, how I managed to gather myself enough to keep moving, and how I continued to find the courage to fight and prove myself wrong. Endless nights of no rest, pillowcases washed of tears, innumerable expressive hobbies, guilt from heedless past events and spoken words. All of these “lows” lead me to find that what pushes me to keep going is how badly I am driven to become understood and found in my own image. To open my eyes every day and to search for who I am meant to be that day, that is how I continue to get up. To understand my place of being before the day comes to end, that is how I keep moving forward, and to become my own image is how I find the courage for my journey with bipolar 2.