Bad news and Gratitude

Another sunrise in North America.

Fuzzy vision met with the subtle call from a small dead screen on the side table. What is the date? What time is it? An anonymous spine fuses to the coils shaping the mattress. Consciousness returns, in lieu of life. Another day.

Upon scooping the screen into tired, stiff hands, warm colors display the time, before it is swiped away. 6:47 am.

Client request emails are notably absent. No meet and greets scheduled, no new inquiries. No work. Facebook notifications. Bills. A moment of pause.

You've gained so much weight during quarantine, where are you going? You were doing well and now look at you. Something awful will happen today.

The voices.

The President is on Twitter again. The state has gotten away with murdering yet another unarmed citizen. Another working class hero has been murdered for infringing upon a citizens God given right to die and be contagious inside of a Dollar Store by enforcing the mask rule. Another sale during these "unprecedented times". Ignore texts from the landlord. Swipe. Another murder by the state.

"Get up. Stand up."

Nowhere to be. Hunger pains silenced by the bottle of red wine by the bed. Turn on the TV. Trump. Turn off the tv. Wine stains on the sheets.

You are kindling. Nothing you're doing matters. Just stay here. Smoke.

The familiar ping of a shopping app triggers a feeling of anxious obligation.

Journey to the sink. Another broken familiar routine. Three pills. Probably wont be able to get the usual refill this month, getting in contact with the doctor has been kind of hit or miss since the world shut down. Two pills go back in the bottle.

Open the fridge. Close the fridge. Back to bed.

Next door a man is making a large sign, painting angry letters on unsuspecting planks. "Hogan is a coward!" "Free us from our chains!"

Roll away from the window. Pull up app. A grocery list consisting of 24 items presents. Slide to the floor. A rouge mind wanders back to business as usual, a pet care empire, born of rebellion and perseverance. The pride of resilient efforts. The only thing that tamed the voices. A greatest accomplishment.

Now. Tomatoes. Roast.

Uneventful ride down the empty streets concludes at the grocery store. The novelty of crisis has evacuated the community, and left behind a low, quiet, simmering unrest.

Should have taken that other pill.

Look at this list, you could never afford things like this! You don't even have the discipline to eat this well. Just do your best so you can go home. What are you doing out here?

Uneventful check out, standard walk through the parking lot with a cart full of goods. A 15 minute ride to an unfamiliar community. Eyes stare. People stop. A standoff ensues with the gate of the community, it's members lingering as they pull through so no unfamiliar cars may infiltrate mecca. A small sign says visitors use the entrance three miles away. The app tracks the sudden lack of progress. Time stacks.

Why did you come here? Why did you do this? Your business will fail, this is your life now. These people know you don't belong. The state kills people like you every day. You do not belong here.

A large wooden double door guarded by a woman, her small children, their dogs. She hands over an envelope with $5 in cash. Unsuccessful attempts to relate are met with "excuse me? Speak more slowly". Should have taken my medication.

Her compliment passes through to meet the breeze. Hero. Unprecedented times. Thank you. Savory as wet crust. The heat from the neighbors stares fades from the nape of a brown neck. Sweat soaks the laces of a covid mask.

End transaction. Swipe. Check social media. Lana wants to be more famous. The Atlantic ocean has chlamydia. Another murder by the state. The beckoning of the app. A new normal.

Thank you to everyone working an essential job while their businesses, careers, and passions collect cobwebs. I know it's not a choice, in spite of all of the empty praise and "essential" titles. Thank you for exposing yourselves so that we don't have to. I appreciate you all for making the best of bad situation, during an even worse time. It will pass. Don't forget the value of your mental and physical health in the midst of holding everything else together. Our dreams will wait. They have to.