A Case For Not Living Amongst Extended Family Members

Extended family members are nosey and are more inquisitive than immediate family members who have known you all of your life. Even if you grew up with your extended family members, there always seems to be this sense of competition between you and that immediate family branch. Is it fair? No. Is it evitable? Yes.

No matter how close you are to an extended family member, they will always wonder if their offspring or immediate family member should be doing better in life. I remember taking a family vacation to the south to visit my uncles, aunts, and cousins. Welcoming, right? Not as welcoming as you may think. Despite being over a decade my senior, I was snubbed by my own cousins after they heard that I graduated from college. This brought me back to my childhood where I saw signs of disdain from extended family members.

My mom put my brother and me on a plane to go to my aunt’s house where she offered to keep us prior to going to my grandmother’s house. I remember the children in her custody going in a van to get something to eat at a local community center, but we were left to starve. My brother, who was six years old at the time, told me that he was hungry. I asked my aunt, “When was it time to eat?” Luckily, I knew how to cook at eleven years old. I found some bacon, eggs, and grits in the kitchen. My parents taught me how to cook when I was the age of nine and we always had southern breakfast on Sundays. I cooked a Sunday breakfast. We were invited with the purpose of enacting a vendetta that my aunt had against my mother. The lesson: If I can’t get you, I will get your children secretly. My mother called that day, as my aunt did not expect and was shocked to hear that I was cooking at my aunt’s house. She had my uncle pick us up that same day and drive us to my grandmother’s house.

When you grow up, you believe that the bond between you and your cousins will last forever. This changes when you get older and they get an idea of how your life will be in comparison to theirs. Even the ones who graduate college want to be treated better than you before they realize you will graduate college as well. There always seems to be a loyalty to their own immediate family that is meant to establish separation or dominance. When you don’t live amongst extended family members, they are least likely to seek ways to hurt you continuously— simply because they can’t. They can’t show up to your home or job unannounced— like they love to do when they live close to extended family members. Don’t let them have that much power over you.

You can love extended family, but often this love is best done at a comfortable distance. They don’t need to know every intimate detail of your life, so they can seek an “angle” to feed their ego. Don’t brag too much when you have family members who don’t want to see you succeed. Keep the communication cordial, but quaint. Look out for extended family who always take, but never give. This is also a form of revenge or cruelty. How many of us have extended family who take, but never give? Or, when they give, they want everyone in the world to know how wonderfully they treat you.

Protect your identity, livelihood, and sanctity by not living amongst extended family members. You’ll be thankful that you did…