9 Signs You Might Have Depression

1. Suicidal Thoughts

Let's jump to what I feel is the most important sign of them all. Suicide. If you are feeling like death is an option, let alone the only option, then you should seek immediate help from a physician. If you have not considered committing suicide, but rather pictured different ways of dying, you should really contact a physician.

From my experience, I have thought a lot about death; throughout the day I would play in my mind coming across death multiple times a day. I have thought about ways I could do it myself, but not ever thinking of going through with it, just thinking of how it could be done. I never thought it would escalate to wanting to follow through. I should have called years ago, but within the last two years I have battled these thoughts more frequently, and I am ready to put it to a stop.

If you have attempted, or are thinking of committing suicide, please call 911 or a suicide hotline right away.

2. Self Harm

There are a few categories to self harm, none of which I am familiar with personally, but I do know a few people who have battled with this. From what I have gathered, this is used more of a coping mechanism to help relieve the pain one is feeling. There are many reasons someone can justify why they do it, but there are other ways to cope. It can be hard to want to explore out of your comfort zone but there are professionals who can help you with that.

I have never self harmed, but I have had a sort of obsession with the idea. I imagine how bad it would hurt, how I might feel afterwards. These are not healthy thoughts and I feel I can't escape them. I want them to stop.

3. Always Tired, Can't Sleep, Sleep Too Much

I have battled with this everyday for about two years.

Are you having trouble getting to sleep? Can't stay asleep? Do you sleep all day and night? A lot of people battling depression might have issues with one or all of the above. You have no motivation to get up for the day. You don't want to leave the comfort of your bed, not because it's warm and safe, but because you don't want to face life and the responsibilities waiting for you on the other side of the covers.

Most days I don't want to leave my bed and I will let my baby cry for 5 minutes in her room while I lay there feeling numb. Another day to do the same thing as yesterday. The same struggles. The same sad, pathetic life I live. (In reality, I have a wonderful baby girl and a pretty good life for what I got, but this is depression we're talking about. It doesn't care what you really have, it tells you you're at the bottom of the barrel and you shouldn't even bother.)

4. Start to Lose Your Self Respect/Self Worth

You stopped putting on your makeup. You stopped wearing nice clothes. You rock your bum pants and greasy hair 6/7 days of the week. Not that you have to get dolled up everyday, but do you do the basics? Brush your teeth? When was the last time your brushed your hair? Are you wearing the same stained shirt from yesterday?

I can tell you its been over a week since I brushed mine, four days since I showered, and sadly three days since I brushed my teeth. I have a baby but that doesn't stop every other mom from taking five minutes of her day to practice healthy hygiene.

But the kicker is, I DON'T CARE! I don't want to do any of these things. I wear the same pjs for days at a time and I don't change at ALL during the day, stay at home mom, and I do have time... I wash my hands after my morning pee... I just look at myself in the mirror, feel disgusted at what a greasy, nasty mess I look like and think, why fucking bother?

5. Lose Interest in, Well, Everything Enjoyable

You stop calling/texting your friends, you decline their invites to go out, you find excuses to cancel on plans. Then you feel like you have no friends because they eventually stop trying after you reject them 100 times. You stop doing your favourite things like painting, writing, jogging, going to the movies, visiting the local pet store to pet puppies... whatever you're into, you just don't wanna do it anymore.

Maybe you try to get into it but then you sit there and give up quickly. You go back to sitting there moping or thinking about your troubles. Maybe you walk past that DIY project that you started a month ago and have had no desire to touch it.

6. You feel numb.

A lot of the time I really do feel numb. I can't lift my arms, they feel 1000 pounds. I stand there feeling like I'm going to fall over any second but when I lay down I don't feel like I've hit the cushion, I just keep falling. For the record, I do not do any drugs, including smoking weed. I have a couple times, and I have gotten the same feeling of falling.

This also relate to your emotions. You feel nothing almost. You are sad, yet you don't cry. You are happy, yet you don't smile. You are angry but you just sit there and stare at the floor. You are numb from feeling everything at once, yet you feel nothing at all.

7. You have a short fuse.

Have you been really irritable lately? Do certain sounds or smells just tick you off? I can relate. Some days I have a mini freak out when my baby pukes right after I change her clothes. Obviously that's what babies do. But sometimes it just irks me and my blood boils. The simple things.

Road rage is a thing all of a sudden. The guy in front is driving the speed limit and here you are yelling at him over the music because who the F does the speed limit, you old man!? GET OFF THE ROAD! Really though. Simple things.

You can always ask a loved one if they have noticed a change in your behavior... Maybe you snapped on them for asking you what's wrong just one too many times? That's me daily. When really they are just concerned and don't know how the hell to help you. You probably already know you've had an attitude lately but simply don't know how to stop.

8. Bad Eating Habits

You can't be bothered to make yourself a meal. It's easier to grab some drive-thru and feel even worse about yourself later when you look at yourself in the mirror. It's almost as if you're feeding the disappointment and the hate towards yourself. You want to eat healthy but it's too expensive to buy healthy foods, it's too much work, you want something fast, like a pizza pop!

Do you cry when you eat the fourth Big Mac this week? I do. I eat McDoubles, but either way. It's sad. I need this to stop.

Sometimes you don't eat anything at all. You see yourself in the mirror and hate what you see. You can barely look at yourself so you don't eat anything all day long. Maybe you have no appetite. These are all signs of depression.

9. Feeling Worthless

This is one of my biggest issues today. After becoming a mom and not going back to work I have to constantly fight the thought that I am not doing a good enough job. I feel I am not contributing enough. I feel like a bad mother. I feel like my family might be better off without me.

You are not worthless, let me tell you. You have a purpose in life and you my friend will find it someday.

There are often feelings of guilt that plays along with this. You always feel at fault for the fights, the arguments, everything that goes wrong. It's gotta be your fault because you know you're messed up inside. At least this is how you feel. Even if it is your fault, you are in control. You can make things better. You can turn it all around. Sometimes we just need a little help and guidance to get there.

There are a few other symptoms and signs I have come across when I did research myself into depression, but these are all issues I have been battling with most.

Reach out to someone.

Only you can really make a change for yourself. If you want help with your mental health there are many ways you can go about getting it. You can reach out to a friend or family member. You can your family physician. You can call a therapist or counselor directly. There are usually community centers you can call to get help as well.

It can be overwhelming thinking of the cost of therapy, but if you talk to your doctor about that, they might have someone you can contact with lower rates or possibly government coverage. The first step is to look into your options!

Medications aren't always a bad thing either. Be sure that you have a thorough discussion with a doctor and you feel comfortable taking the medication and do not be afraid to ask for something different. Everyone is experiencing it in their own way.

There are many different therapies to help with depression. I wish you all the best in finding what works best for you and brings you back to happiness and peace.

Much love.