5 Tips for Reconnecting with an Old Friend

The Back Story

Kari and I were pretty close. We worked together five days a week and had a blast every shift. We would get together after work and go dancing. We confided in one another.

After I got pregnant everything around me seemed to change, especially in my friendships. She is a mother as well so it wasn't really the fact I was pregnant that drew us apart, it was who I was pregnant with.

My partner is a very outspoken and has no issues voicing his opinions; well, he LOVES voicing his opinions. In fact, he loves hearing his voice! One day on Facebook, the land of drama, he shared his opinion on a status that Kari posted and let's just say they didn't agree and words were thrown around...

I then get a message saying that she has to distance herself from me and can no longer be my friend. I was so hurt. My emotions were high, I was going through a lot of stuff being hormonal and just life, I will get to all of the details in another story. I knew she was going through some personal stuff as well so I said I understand and wished her the best.

When Reality Caught Up to Me...

That's the way I have seen it for a long time. In reality, I told my partner—we can call him Steve—I told Steve some personal information about Kari and when the Facebook disagreement happened he went full drama queen and shoved all of her "dirty laundry" that was supposed to be secret in her face and also verbally attacked her fiance.

(There is a TON more behind this story but we would be here for DAYS if I explained it all now.)

Basically, I was mad at her for being involved with issues I was having with Steve and I started talking shit... Am I allowed to swear here? I don't know.

After I had the baby my head cleared a little and I came across her wedding photos. I was devastated I wasn't welcome. In her eyes I betrayed her and I get it. I gathered the courage to message her and just simply say that I thought she looked beautiful in her wedding dress, and I wish her and her family all the best in the world. More importantly, I apologized. She wasn't ready to forgive me. I understood.

1. Time will pass. Be patient.

Months and months go by and I get a message out of the blue. She apologized for being rude when I reached out and she appreciated that I did reach out. She asked if we could be adults and move past everything that happened and reconnect and build our friendship again.

It might be a few months, or a year, or maybe two years. You might not think about them that often, you might think about them every day. Every friendship is different and unique. You might not think you will ever be friends again. Maybe you tell yourself you're better off without them... But are you?

2. Are they worth the effort?

I was so incredibly happy! I have lost many people in the past two years, and it's such a good feeling to have someone want to be my friend again. That sounds pathetic, but I really did lose 98 percent of the people I cared about. You need to look at the pros and cons to the people around you and really decide whether they are worth keeping around. Are they worth an argument, or a heated disagreement? Is she a good friend who truly cares about you?

I think she is.

I do have people that I am no longer friends with that are not worth the effort. You need to consider your whole friendship. Did they betray you? How many times did they break your trust? Sometimes it isn't worth reliving the stress and the hurt of someone you think is a friend but really causes you hurt. Weigh out the pros and cons.

3. Don't rush things. Again, be patient.

Try not to harass them. Say what you need to say in a brief message or two, but from my experience, giving her time and space to give her a chance to be ready to move on was the way to go. If you annoy the crap out them then they will probably use that as an excuse to put you on the back burner, and honestly, it might give them a reason to stay away longer.

The time will come.

4. Don't be afraid to make the first move.

If you haven't reached out like I did, then my advice to you is to try! Write out a message, make it everything you want them to know. Apologize, beg for their forgiveness, tell them how much you miss them, how sad you are, whatever it is you are feeling and have been dying to tell them. If you are the Kari in your scenario, then maybe tell them you forgive them and are want to move on!

For extra bonus points you can try complimenting them, or telling them something you admire about them. But be GENUINE. If they are a true friend then they will know if you are just spewing bull poo poo.

5. Life can change pretty drastically for you both. People change.

Don't just jump right back in to being their best friend. Or don't expect them to be your best friend right off the bat. Things change as life passes by and there is a chance that each of you changed. There is a chance you might not get along anymore. And that's OK! Life is all about change. People come and go.

Go to coffee, go to a park and relax, get to know each other again. Get a feel for the energy that comes from you both and work at reconnecting. It might take time to gain each other's trust, to feel comfortable again, that is normal! Just take it one step at a time!

I am very happy to reconnect and see what has changed in her life, and I am so excited to share my baby girl with her!

Life is too short to be throwing away a great friendship over something that can be easily repaired. Sometimes it takes a little time, but if they are worth it, you can wait.

Thank you for reading! Feel free to leave a tip for my tips! I hope my experience can help you and I wish you all the best!

Much love <3