7 Things Recovering Addicts Wish You Wouldn’t Say

Most of us have an addict or alcoholic in our lives that we love dearly and want nothing more than to provide them with the help they need. So why do we say the things we do? The language we use when we refer to addicts and the things we say directly to them can greatly impact their self-worth and even their hope of recovering. Sometimes we may be unintentionally contributing to the stigma that keeps our loved ones sick through the words we say.

1) “You don’t look like a junkie.”

First things first, you should not refer to an addict as a junkie. If you've heard your loved one call themselves a junkie in a joking manner, that does not give you the right to use the word. It's just one of those things we can say about ourselves, but you can't because you don't qualify. You don't have the "junkie card."

Most importantly, do not tell an addict that they don't look like or behave like your stereotypical generalization of what you believe an addict to be. We all come from different races, backgrounds, personalities, genders, sexualities, and creeds. Instead of dismissing your loved one's problems, accept them. Addicts need to be listened to. Our disease is a life threatening issue of the body, mind, and soul and if we aren't validated we have an excuse to continue using.

2) “I am ashamed of the person you were when you were using.”

We already feel bad enough. If an addict is seeking help, the odds are they already feel guilty and broken down in regards to their behavior while in active-addiction. Rather than condemning them for their past, offer your support. The best thing you can do is to allow an addict the space and love they need in order to clean up the wreckage of their past and begin anew. While using, addicts become a person completely out of their usual character. We forget our morals and beliefs due to the unimaginable "need" to use substances in order to numb our feelings.

This is not to excuse our past behavior, because trust me, we feel immense guilt and shame. But, adding to the guilt and shame we feel only gives us more problems to recover from in the long run. If you feel the need to express your frustration about the way we behaved previously, tell us that you are relieved we are back to our normal selves.

3) “Addicts are weak and lack willpower.”

We have a disease. As much as people like to argue this fact, it is proved through extensive science. People with cancer, HIV, or any other widely accepted disease are not accused of being weak, selfish, or having a lack of willpower. In fact, addicts and alcoholics are strong. We have usually suffered a great deal of emotional and/or physical trauma, survived through it, and are now working to recover from our unhealthy survival tactics.

4) “You will never change.”

Telling an addict they will never change is just vocalizing their worst fears. In addition, there is living and breathing evidence all over the world that this statement is outrageously wrong and naive. Plenty of addicts recover and live happy and full lives filled with love.

5) “You aren’t doing recovery right.”

This one is one of the most annoying statements in my personal opinion. Whether you are alcoholic or not, it is not up to you to decide if someone is "doing recovery right." There is a huge misconception that there is only one way to recover. This is absolutely absurd, considering every addict is different and requires different strategies, coping mechanisms, and support systems in order to recover.

6) “It must be boring to be sober.”

We thought it would be boring in early recovery, in fact, most of us were terrified that we would never have fun again. But, most people will testify to the fact that they have never experienced as much fun as they do in sobriety. We can finally remember nights out with friends. We can achieve meaningful and long-lasting relationships with other people. And most importantly, we don't have a death sentence attached to us anymore.

7) "When will you be done with those meetings?”

Most of us that are involved in a fellowship are never done with "those meetings." We may cut down on the amount of meetings we attend as time goes on, but sobriety is something we must maintain for life. We don't graduate from being addicts or alcoholics, we still have the disease. We just learn to keep it from flaring up by managing the symptoms and abstaining from the substances that set off our addictive behaviors.

To the “Normies”

Always remember, it is okay to ask us questions. Most people will be willing to answer anything you ask if they are comfortable with you and if they believe you are well-intentioned. The problem arises when you begin to use stigmatizing language and ask questions that appear rude or make you sound argumentative.

We just want to feel accepted and appreciated for who we truly are. If you have questions about addiction or addiction recovery that you feel may be insensitive, do some research on your own. There are plenty of informational websites or books that can help you to find the answers you are looking for.