Dating while Demi

Demisexual. One of the least known sexualities. Being part of the Asexual family but never invited out. Typically left out, and pushed aside, by just being told, we're too picky or are being too much of a prude. Just lemme smash. No, for so many reasons! So let's start.

Who are Demisexuals? We are a small, but slowly growing group, who 'take our time', finding the right partner. We are only sexually attracted to people once we form an emotional bond, once the relationship has reached a trusting peak. It can be a very long process for some or it can be easy for others. it all depends on how we feel around our partner, or if there are past traumas. And I'm not saying that we don't feel sexual attraction because we do, maybe some don't, we just don't put sex as a top priority. We want security and passion first. Our love is hard to acquire but when you have it, well, you better be ready to either stay forever or have one of the most emotionally overwhelming breakups. We take a long time to find someone to date, but at the same time, easily fall in love with people all the time. which makes this so hard to explain.

We don't care about looks, or money, or what you drive, or where you're from. We fall for someone's smile, their eyes, the way they laugh when they're embarrassed. The small things other people overlook. The tiny details that are only explained in loving country songs. We don't give anything up easily, but once we find someone worth giving everything to, oh boy do we fall hard. We look for an emotional feeling, a spark, a click, fireworks that set our hearts on fire! And until then we don't get into relationships with someone who doesn't feel right. We have to feel comfortable, and safe, and we want you to feel the same way. Because of this, we tend to stay attached to someone for long periods of time. Logically we know that we can't have them, but our hearts think that there is always a chance. We are easily led on and are common targets for narcissists and gas lighters. People who will say and do anything to get what they want, and when they have it, when they have us, then they throw us away once they get tired of us. During this era of Situation Ship's, it's extremely hard to find a relationship, let alone someone who is genuinely themselves.

Demisexual: is a term for half sexual. Being somewhere between an Asexual and sexual. Demisexuals aren't just one orientation. You can be gay, bi, pan, or anything above, under, or in between, it's just an add-on to who you are. Being between Asexual and Sexual puts us in an awkward gray area of love. Being Demi doesn't mean we don't have sexual feelings, or no sex drive whats so ever. For some of us, once we're in a relationship, we have extremely high sex drives, for some, it's average, for others it could be slim to none! It's almost like a switch we can turn on and off. If we aren't in a relationship we don't typically put out. Although maybe you have a high sex drive, and are extremely close to a friend, and have an understanding with each other. That can happen. Everyone is different. Once we're out of a relationship, we can turn that light switch off, and go back to feeling nothing.

"Are you attracted to So and So over there?" Yeah, they're attractive. "Do you want to go home with them?" No. "But why not?" Because I only sleep with people who I am emotionally invested in. The level of attractiveness means nothing. Once they open their mouth, and something stupid comes out, they aren't attractive anymore. Once their true colors are out, is when we decide if we want to pursue something. No, we aren't being picky, no we aren't being prudish, no we aren't whore's because we keep falling for the wrong person. We just love deeply, and with everything we've got. But always give it to the wrong person. Even when we are being 'picky'. Yes, we could have had several partners, and have slept with a larger amount of people. That just means we thought someone was finally our Happy Ever After. After every breakup, our hearts and minds are a mess. It takes so long to get back to "normal", and I say normal very tensely. We give part of ourselves to every partner we have, and it takes a lot of work and pain to try to be who we are again. To live without someone we wanted to share everything with. It is hard to figure out why you aren't dating around like everyone else. Why love doesn't come easily. Why most people don't understand your point of view. Why you feel so deeply at times and then nothing at all. Why your friends always think you're too Old Fashioned. It is hard to find other people who are Demisexual. It's so hard because it's so well disguised as having high standards or not feeling sexual towards other people, not wanting someone who seems perfectly fine. It's hard because even when someone checks all the boxes and should be a perfect match, at least on paper, and yet you feel nothing towards them.

We give everything to the person we love. Even to the point where we hurt ourselves. Tearing our hearts in two because we think we found someone. Never understanding why no one can love us back in the same way, so we overcompensate by giving up way too much of ourselves. And if we do all of that for someone who is only halfway into love imagine what we do for someone who is all in. When we are with someone, we are the most loyal, and trustworthy lovers. We won't ever look at someone else, we won't betray your secrets or use you to get something. It makes it so hard to find the right person but by God when we finally find someone, it is the most magical feeling.